UNSAFE AT ANY SPEED?

In the late 1950s, Volkswagen beetles were sucking away large numbers of car buyers who relished the VW's much higher gas mileage when compared to heavy American sedans. Chevrolet General Manager Ed Cole responded by coming out with the Corvair in 1960. The Corvair was a revolutionary design and featured an aluminum air-cooled engine in the rear which provided excellent performance and 29 MPG (which was astounding at the time). However, unlike the VW beetle, it was relatively spacious inside and could carry six passengers. 

It had only two minor flaws. First, because of the uneven weight distribution with the engine in the rear, the car was prone to spinning out of control unless the tires were exactly at the correct inflation at all times. It was difficult for the average lazy motorist to constantly monitor his or her tire pressures every time the temperature changed a few degrees, and many owners did not realize that the rear tires had to have substantially higher pressure than the front.

Second, when the car did spin out of control, the crash was often fatal, as there was nothing in the front of the car except the trunk to absorb the impact.

The stability problem could have been reduced considerably with the addition of a simple iron bar bolted to the front of the car, and the original GM test models had this feature. However, GM wanted to save a a dollar or two per unit and eliminated the bar from general production--although it did add the bar a few years later when enough customers were getting killed--including famed comedian Ernie Kovacs.

Ralph Nader, then an unknown young attorney, wrote a book in 1965 called Unsafe at Any Speed. It was not particularly flattering to the Corvair. Nader became an expert witness in lawsuits involving Corvair accidents, and GM started investigating him, which resulted in a privacy invasion lawsuit by Nader against GM (which was settled in 1970 for $425,000, or about $2.5 million in current dollars). 

One major fallout of the Corvair litigation was the acceptance by the courts of a new theory of product liability. Previously, only a defectively manufactured product could engender liability on the part of the maker. After the Corvair suits, the law was expanded to make the manufacturer liable if the product was poorly designed, even if manufactured correctly.

Corvair safety ended up in Senate hearings and the passing of the National Traffic and Motor Vehicle Safety Act in 1966, which further encouraged Congress to pass various other laws regulating other agencies on products ranging from pipelines to X-ray machines to chickens.

Due to plummeting sales resulting from the adverse publicity, GM killed the Corvair in 1969. In 1972, the federal government exonerated GM and declared that there was in fact no abnormal problem with the suspension or handling of the car. 

Ed Cole, disgraced by the whole Corvair experience, nonetheless went on to become President of GM. One of his later contributions was the development of the catalytic converter for pollution control.

In short, Cole's desire to trump VW had several unforeseen consequences:

1. Ralph Nader was elevated to consumer advocate Tsar and he, with his organization of Nader's Raiders, became a gadfly against both governmental entities and corporations. Because of his fame, he ran for President in 2000, sucked up 95,000 votes in Florida (most of which would have gone to Al Gore), and gave the Presidential election to George W. Bush.

2. Lawsuits against corporations increased exponentially as a result of the Corvair cases, including a $2.9 million judgment against McDonald's for brewing its coffee at 180 degrees.

3. Federal bureaucrats, some competent, and some not, now determine options, equipment, and features you must get or cannot get in your new car.

By Greg Gjerdingen from Willmar, USA (64 Chevrolet Corvair Monza)
 [CC BY 2.0 (http://creativecommons.org/licenses/by/2.0)],
 via Wikimedia Commons

TRAPPED WITH NO PLACE TO GO

On April 9, 1940, Adolf Hitler, with the assistance of traitor Vidkun Quisling, invaded and occupied Norway with a minimum amount of fuss and effort. Unlike Quisling, the majority of Norwegians did not approve of becoming Nazi puppets, and many actively participated in the Resistance movement against the Germans.

Most Norwegians who lived on the coast (which were a lot) were involved in the sardine industry--either in fishing for the product or preparing it for market. Norwegians relied on the fish as a basic foodstuff, as Norway is not known for its vast herds of beef cattle or acres of orange groves. Consequently, the Norwegian people were less than happy when the Quisling government agreed to process and can the entire year's catch of sardines and turn it over to the Germans for use by the Nazi submarine fleet to feed its crews.

The sardines were to be packed in oil. The Norwegians decided to alter the standard recipe slightly by substituting croton oil instead of the usual vegetable oil. The croton oil was smuggled in courtesy of British intelligence to every sardine cannery in Norway. Did I mention that croton oil is a very, very powerful laxative?

Envision now the life aboard a typical WWII German submarine. There were approximately fifty crew members stuffed in a metal tube without ventilation for three weeks to six months. There were no laundry facilities. Each crew member started the voyage with the clothes on his back and one change of underwear and socks. There were no showers or shaving. High temperatures and high humidity quickly led to mold growing abundantly on food, clothing, and bedding--and sometimes skin. The air, what little there was of it, reeked of unwashed bodies, diesel fumes, and decay. There was a maximum of two toilets, but one would be stuffed with food, as space was at a premium, and this potty would not be available until the food inside was consumed (yummy). The limited space also required that hot-bunking be practiced, which means that when one sailor was on duty, some other sailor would be using his bunk for sleeping.  

This sailor most likely did not rest well, as he would no doubt be contemplating the fact that U-boat crews had the highest casualty rate of any service in WWII, and he would probably be wondering how he would die. Perhaps he would be engulfed in burning fuel. Maybe he would be far below the surface when depth charges breached the hull and tons of water at high pressure crushed him into a little ball of grease. Maybe salt water would come into contact with the batteries and create chlorine fumes, turning his lungs into Jello. Or, perhaps worst of all, his boat might sink with him trapped in a sealed compartment while he suffocated  over a period of hours or days as the oxygen was slowly consumed.

Now, add to this angst the revenge of the Norwegian fishing industry. There are now included in the above equation approximately fifty crew members with violent, explosive diarrhea--all at the same time. There is probably available only one cramped toilet--a toilet, by the way, which could not be emptied simply by depressing a handle but instead had to be pumped out by hand through a complicated series of steps and valves to eject its contents into the sea (if done incorrectly, which often happened with a novice crewman, the dreaded phenomenon known as "back-flush" or "the U-boat baptism" would occur). If each crew member had to obtain relief every fifteen minutes, each crew member had eighteen seconds to go, clean up, and empty the toilet. Add to this equation the fact that because of the noise it produced, the toilet could not be used at all in the presence of the enemy. Finally, consider that toilet paper was in limited supply. The end results were massive "accidents" throughout the boat and a crew who had to use clothing and bunks soiled with evidence of those accidents for weeks or months without relief.

For more information on the Norwegian sardine weaponry, click here. If you want to learn more about the joys of being on a U-boat, try this link.

DISNEY CATS

Since 1955, there have been large numbers of feral cats living at Disneyland. Accounts differ on whether or not the felines were intentionally introduced there at first or were mere trespassers, but there are now about 200+ of them who enjoy the park. Voluntary animal protection groups spay and neuter the adults and put any kittens discovered up for adoption on the outside. The resident cats sleep away the day in numerous kitty condos hidden among the attractions and come out at night and early morning to feast on rats, discarded food scraps, or real cat food at one of five feeding stations.

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THANK SANTA FOR YOUR "JUICY FRUIT"

General Santa Anna of Mexico, as everyone knows, was the military leader who killed all 189 defenders at the Alamo in 1836 and who massacred more than 342 Texas prisoners three weeks later at Goliad. He was defeated about a month after that at the Battle of San Jacinto by Samuel Houston.

Fast forward to 1869. Santa Anna was living at Staten Island, New York. He needed money to raise another army in Mexico and, in order to do so, persuaded American inventor Thomas Adams (who was also his secretary) to purchase a ton of Mexican chicle (made from the sap of the sapodilla tree) from him. Adams intended to use the chicle to make a substitute for rubber (which was every expensive at the time), but he did not succeed.

Thomas and his son, Horatio, observed that Santa Anna liked to masticate balls of chicle--as did the ancient Mayans. The Adams family decided to see if chicle could be sold as a chewable product. Their initial test run of 200 balls sold out immediately at a drug store, and they established the first chewing gum company in 1871. They made delightful products such as Tutti-Frutti, Black Jack, and Chiclets and were the premier chewing gum outfit in the world until some guy named Wrigley came along.

Now, why was Santa Anna living in Staten Island? That is a story for a different day.

SITCOM NAIVETE

Due both to the relative novelty of TV sitcoms in 1951 and the fact that Lucille Ball was married in real life to Desi Arnaz, many early viewers of I Love Lucy thought that the show was a reality series where a camera crew followed Lucy around and filmed her real-life adventures of stomping grapes, working in a chocolate candy factory, turning her apartment into an armed fort to defend against suspicious-behaving neighbors, etc.

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90 DEGREES--IT'S A BOY!

The sex of a Nile crocodile is determined by the average temperature of the egg (which is buried in the sand with the others in the clutch) during the middle third of the incubation period. If the temperature is between 89 degrees and 94 degrees Fahrenheit (32 to 34 degrees C), the crocodile will be a male. If it is outside of that range, it will be something else. 

Unlike most reptiles, mama crocs have strong maternal instincts and are very protective of their eggs and young--perhaps the reason why herpetologists who poke thermometers into crocodile nests are often nicknamed "Stumpy."

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AIR FORCE BEARS DO NOT GET TO DO ANYTHING IN THE WOODS

During the 1950s, the fastest bomber around was the B-58 Hustler, which could travel twice the speed of sound. Pilots at that velocity could not survive an ordinary bailout, so the U.S. Air Force developed a special ejection capsule (pictured below) for supersonic use. In the early 1960s, it tested the capsule by using Himalayan and black bears. The capsules, each containing a bear, were blown out of the aircraft while they were going 1,100 miles per hour and parachuted to the ground.  

The bears all survived the bailouts with only minor physical injuries but with some psychological stress. The Air Force expressed its gratitude towards the ursines by killing them after their flights in order to perform necropsies.

J Clear at en.wikipedia
[CC BY-SA 3.0 (http://creativecommons.org/licenses/by-sa/3.0)
 or Public domain],  via Wikimedia Commons

THE COIN MOST HATED BY TOLL BOOTH ATTENDANTS

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The largest legal tender coin made in recent times was the one tonne piece minted in 2012 in Australia. It contains 1,012 kilograms (2,230 lb) of 99.99% pure gold. It has a face value of only $1 million Australian dollars but has a bullion value of approximately $32.5 million dollars (US) when the price of gold is at $1,000 an ounce.

To see a video on how to make a very big gold piece, click here.

#265--ROBERT WISE--EXTORTIONIST

The major plot element in the 1965 movie The Sound of Music was the desire of the von Trapp family to flee their native Austria so that Baron von Trapp was not forced to serve in Hitler's navy. The pivotal historical event which precipitated this family's crisis was the 1938 Anschluss, where Austria was incorporated as part of the Third Reich.

Almost all of the movie was shot in or around Salzburg, Austria. Director Robert Wise wanted to illustrate vividly the day that the Anschluss occurred by showing a huge swastika banner being unfurled on the Residenze Palace (one of the most significant historical buildings in Salzburg). The horrified municipal authorities flatly refused his request to do so. Wise calmly responded by stating that he would incorporate instead into the movie actual archival footage from 1938 showing hordes of Austrians gleefully welcoming Hitler and the German Army into their country.

Wise was allowed to use his swastika banner after all.

HOW CHICKENS INFLUENCED THE JAPANESE PICKUP TRUCK MARKET

By IFCAR (Own work) [Public domain], via Wikimedia Commons

In the early 1960s, several European countries imposed tariffs on chickens from the USA. As a result, one of the first things Lyndon Johnson did when he was sworn in as President was to sign a bill authorizing retaliatory tariffs against foreign countries on the importation of brandy, industrial starches, dextrin (used in envelope glue), and finally, a 25% tariff on foreign-made pickup trucks. The tax on trucks was intended primarily to suppress the importation of Volkswagen light trucks, as Germany was one of the prime chicken tariff offenders, but the law applied to trucks from all foreign countries.

Thoughout the 1960s, foreign pickups were much smaller (and more fuel efficient) than American-made trucks but, because of the tariff, cost nearly the same. Gas was cheap and plentiful, so there was no incentive to purchase a foreign truck, and very few persons did so.

However, after the gas crisis started in 1973, small trucks suddenly became more desirable. Subaru, in an attempt to crack the US market, imported a vehicle called a "Brat." which was a small truck with two plastic chairs in the bed. Because of the additional seating, the vehicle was legally classified as a passenger car and could be imported without paying the tariff. Most purchasers would then take five minutes to unbolt the chairs, discard them, and then be the proud owner of a normal small pickup truck. A few demented souls (and I personally know one of them) would insist that a seat is a seat and that a passenger should be happy to sit out in the bed in 40 degree rain while the truck was going 70 MPH down the interstate.

The tariff is pretty much of a joke these days, as foreign manufacturers now actually make the trucks in USA factories or, in some cases, import them with the bed separated from the rest of the vehicle (thus making them only truck components, which are not subject to the tariff) and then bolting the bed on after it passes through Customs.

WHAT ILLINOIS ALMOST LOOKED LIKE

The northern border of Illinois originally was going to be 41 miles south of its current location, which meant that thirteen counties currently in Illinois, including Cook, would have ended up belonging to Wisconsin. However, prior to Illinois achieving statehood in 1818, Nathaniel Pope (a delegate to the U.S. Congress from the Illinois territory) successfully argued that the border should be moved to its present site. Pope correctly believed that southern Illinois was sympathetic to slavery, and he thought that it would be desirable to include within the state a port on Lake Michigan so that there would be intensive trading with North through the Great Lakes and the influx of Northern ideas, sentiments, and sympathizers.

Had Pope not succeeded, probably Illinois would have been a border state (if not an outright Southern one) in the Civil War, Richard Nixon would have won the 1960 election, and Wisconsin instead of Illinois would now have a state debt of $127 billion (yes, with a "b").

THE MOST UNCTUOUS OF PRESIDENTS

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One of the great thrills (if not the greatest) for Calvin Coolidge, the 30th President of the United States (1923-1929), was to have someone rub Vaseline onto his scalp while he was eating breakfast.

RODENT BOOZERS

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Syrian golden hamsters in the wild store up fruit in the summer for those lean winter months--unlike their fellow rodent species, who usually store grains and nuts. By the time the snow falls, the fruit has fermented, and the hamsters hit the sauce. They develop a lust for alcohol to the point where they prefer it to water every time.

However, if you put one of these fellows in a rolling hamster ball, you do not have to worry about a DUI. They have evolved with a liver five times the size of the livers of other types of hamsters, and they rarely get sloshed. As a result, they are the favored lab animal for studies about ethanol ingestion.

EMP-ATHY

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An electromagnetic pulse (EMP) is a burst of intense electromagnetic energy generated by the detonation of a nuclear bomb. Although much attention is devoted to the flashier aspects of atomic explosions (high heat, strong winds, and radioactive fallout), a judicial use of EMP effects could easily destroy an entire country.

Essentially, the sudden burst of energy will fry electrical components in the area by causing a burst of intense electrical current to form within them. The effects can be minor or catastrophic depending on a variety of factors, the most important being the altitude of the explosion. For the most part, the size of the bomb is not the critical factor, and a small Hiroshima-sized fission bomb could be as effective as a 50-megaton device. An atomic bomb detonated at an altitude of 300 miles above Kansas would cover the entire lower 48 states with a crippling EMP.

Sixty years ago, when electronics was in its infancy and most electrical devices relied on vacuum tubes, heavy cables, and mechanical types of switches, the effects of an EMP would in most cases be temporary (in fact, the Russians continued until relatively recently to use vacuum tube radios in their most advanced military aircraft, in part to mitigate the effects of an EMP). Automobiles would stop running as a result of the pulse, but then they would start up again right afterwards. Some wires and light bulbs would burn out, but they could be easily replaced.

Today, the effects of an EMP would be totally devastating. Unless properly shielded, almost every device with electronic components would be rendered totally useless including computers, telephones, televisions, radios, GPS units, radar, automobiles, cat laser toys, and countless other items. Planes in the air would literally crash. Hospitals would become charnel houses.  People would starve as there would be no way to order or transfer food to restock grocery stores. Since the entire banking system relies on computers, the economy would crash, and gold, ammunition, and Twinkies would become the new currency. As there would be no means of mass communication, anarchy and panic would immediately erupt. The persons most likely to survive the situation would be the Amish.

You will note the above use of the term "unless properly shielded." Experts state that virtually nothing in the civilian arena is properly shielded. It is hoped that the military would at least design its equipment with the potential exposure to an EMP in mind, but the same experts further assert that since the Cold War ended, the emphasis has been on planning to replace equipment in the event of an EMP attack, rather than building it to withstand such an attack in the first place. I for one see absolutely no practical problems in the middle of a nuclear conflict in suddenly rebuilding and replacing all equipment used by the Defense Department which has electronic components.

An electromagnetic pulse can also be generated by non-nuclear means and is called, quite creatively, a "non-nuclear electromagnetic pulse" (NNEMP). The effects and range of such a pulse are far more limited than what can be generated by an atomic bomb, and discussion of them can wait for another day.

HOLY SMOKE!

For hunters who want to have one or more final chances at participating in the killing of something, the folks at www.myholysmoke.com provide the ideal solution. They will stuff your ashes after cremation into the wads (the cups that hold the shot pellets together) of 250 shotgun shells or into the noses of 100 rifle or 125 pistol bullets. Your loved ones can then use the ammo to hunt a few dozen critters in your honor. Three years ago, they advertised the price for their basic service at $850; nowadays, you have to call for a quote. However, they do still indicate on their website that fancy wooden boxes to display the ammo are available for an additional $100 apiece.

They advertise their trade as "Celebrating Life."

Robert Chapin, a toxicologist for the National Institute of Environmental Health Sciences, recommends that the creature be killed promptly (which is obviously the most humane way to dispatch an animal anyway) so that the ashes carried in the bullet do not circulate in the bloodstream, and he further suggests that the meat immediately around the bullet hole be discarded so that the ashes are not consumed.*  I would think, however, that this would merely be an aesthetic issue as opposed to a serious health concern--at least with respect to the ashes. Consuming lead particles is a different story.

* Those of you who watch the classic Simpsons episodes may hearken back to the one containing Principal Skinner's observation that "You could say there's a little bit of Uter in all of us."  Those of you who do not watch will be totally confused at this point.

THE STIGMA OF GINGERITY

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The prejudice against ginger kids extends beyond the infamous South Park episode alleging that they have no souls. Cryos International, the world's largest sperm bank with operations in over 65 countries, issued a ban against contributions from red-haired donors. Except for customers in Ireland, there was so little demand for carrot-tops that the product containing red-haired DNA was unmarketable.

"PIECES OF EIGHT! PIECES OF EIGHT!"

By Coinman62 at English Wikipedia (Transferred from en.wikipedia
 to Commons.) [Public domain], via Wikimedia Commons

"Pieces of eight" refer to Spanish dollars, which were silver coins each worth 8 "reales." They were minted for several hundred years and were legal tender in the United States until 1857. They were preferred by Americans over U.S. minted dollars, as the Spanish version weighed slightly more and had a higher concentration of silver.

 

It was a common practice to cut the coins into up to eight pie-shaped wedges which could be used for small change. Two of these wedges were equal to one quarter of the dollar and were commonly called "two bits."

A COMMON SENSE ALTERNATIVE TO BEING GUILLOTINED

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Because of his popular and famous treatise Common Sense, which castigated the British monarchy, Thomas Paine is often credited with being the father of the American Revolution. When that unpleasant encounter with Great Britain was over, Paine turned his attention to France, and wrote against the French monarchy. He then went to that country, where he stood in high favor with the revolutionaries and was granted honorary French citizenship and even elected to the National Convention, notwithstanding his inability to speak the language.

Unfortunately for Paine, he was not revolting enough to satisfy Maximilien François Marie Isidore de Robespierre, the architect of the Reign of Terror. Paine, a foe of capital punishment, had suggested that the king and queen of France should be deported instead of executed. Robespierre, upset by Paine's woosie attitude towards decapitation, ordered his arrest in 1793. The American minister to France did not particularly like Paine and made less than lukewarm efforts to free him--even to the point of suggesting that Paine was a subject of France's archenemy, Great Britain, instead of its ally, the United States.

Paine was jailed in a palace which had been converted into a prison. As so often happened to those who irritated Robespierre, our hero was eventually sentenced to death. However, Paine had for several days a severe fever, probably typhus. He convinced his guards to keep his room door open for ventilation, and the guards did so, as there was no realistic chance for his escape. Each night, the guards would place a mark on the doors of prisoners slated for the guillotine the following morning. Because Paine's door was wide open and leaning against the wall of the hallway, they marked the inside face of the door instead of the outside on the night prior to Paine's scheduled execution. Paine simply closed his door after the guards left, thus concealing the mark from the executioner's crew making their rounds the next day. Shortly thereafter, Robespierre fell out of favor and was himself guillotined, which removed a lot of the impetus for killing Paine. 

Later that year, James Monroe, the future President, was appointed as the American ambassador to France. Monroe liked Paine and was able to obtain his release from prison. 

PREPARE TO BE DAZZLED

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Most warships are painted gray in order to blend in with the sea and the sky and to become less visible to enemy vessels.  However, in World War I and, to a lesser extent, World War II, some nations experimented with what was called "dazzle" camouflage.  Ships in dazzle camouflage were painted in highly conspicuous and sharply contrasting zebra stripes or other bold patterns which changed directions in a random fashion.

These markings were intended to make enemy gunners and torpedo launchers confused about the speed, distance, and course of the dazzled vessel and even about whether it was coming or going.  Because each ship had its own special individual pattern and width of dazzle stripes which obscured the actual angles and features of the vessel, it was often hard to tell even what kind of boat it was. 

Also, at the time, most ships and subs used optical rangefinders similar to the ones in older cameras which the operator would focus by aligning two halves of a split image in the viewfinder.  The dazzle pattern made it very difficult for the enemy to match the two parts of the image.

For a look at numerous examples of ship dazzle designs maintained by the Rhode Island School of Design, click here.

Automakers also use dazzle camouflage to mask the details of prototype or test vehicles which have not been officially released to the market, as witnessed by the below photo taken in St. Joseph, Michigan, on August 7, 2015. Although the basic shape of the car may still be discernible, many of the styling details are obfuscated. In addition, and at least purportedly, with many automatic cameras (including cell phone cameras), the contrasting shades of the dazzle paint scheme can sometimes confuse the infrared focusing mechanism, thus making it harder to create and circulate images of the vehicle. Of course, despite the manufacturers' claimed lust for secrecy, they really don't mind people being fascinated and intrigued by these cars that the companies are conspicuously driving around in public places and which represent models that will no doubt be put on sale in the near future.

Photo courtesy of Patricia Grauer

ANOTHER REASON TO AVOID GLASS HOUSES

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In 2004, the town council in Monza, Italy banned the keeping of goldfish in bowls because the curved glass "gives them a distorted view of reality." The council apparently was far less concerned about poor aeration, lack of room, lack of stimulus, or the fish swimming in its own concentrated waste.

THE MOST UNCOUTH OF PRESIDENTS

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Lyndon Johnson was perhaps the vilest President with respect to finely-executed belching, creative profanity, unrepentant marital infidelity, and all-round vulgarity.  He was, in addition, the greatest exhibitionist who occupied the White House.  LBJ was very fond of public urination and frequently engaged in the practice.  In addition, when one reporter asked Johnson why he was prosecuting the war in Vietnam, Johnson unzipped his pants (Johnson's pants, not the reporter's), drew out his penis (which he had modestly named "Jumbo") and said "This is why."

LBJ bragged about his sexual conquests and even tried to pick up females in front of his long-suffering wife. He claimed that that he "had more women by accident than Kennedy did on purpose." 

The President was so proud of Jumbo that he had ordered constructed a shower stall in the White House with a separate nozzle aimed directly at his Johnson.

BRANDY AND BERNARDS

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Between approximately 1700 and 1897, dogs owned by the Great St. Bernard Hospice, a monastery in the St. Bernard's pass in Switzerland, rescued over 2,000 persons lost or trapped in the snow, many who were in Napoleon's army. The most famous canine, Barry, is credited with saving 40 to 100 persons between 1800 and 1812. In one instance, he purportedly brought home a boy who rode Barry like a horse. Barry is currently stuffed and is on display in a museum in Berne. Allegedly, he at one point was rebuilt to resemble a modern St. Bernard, as the breed has changed from the original dogs used 200 years ago.

The dogs often worked in pairs, where one dog would keep the rescuee warm while the other would go back to the monastery and fetch help.

Although an 1820 painting and numerous Warner Brothers cartoons feature St. Bernards with casks of brandy around their necks, the monastery denies that the dogs ever actually carried spirits to the victims in the snow. 

Today, the pooches have been replaced by helicopters, and the last official rescue by dog took place in 1955. During the summer, the monastery keeps a few St. Bernards around to pose with casks for tourists and their cameras.

TURNING HITLER INTO A FEMINAZI

Adolf Hitler's staff employed over a dozen female food tasters to sample his meals to ensure that they were not poisoned. This was not a voluntary position, and the tasters were not free to leave the premises. However, especially considering that they were well fed, it was a far better gig that many persons had during the course of the war. The tasters would eat the same victuals as Hitler (primarily fruits, vegetables, and pastries, although he once in a while dabbled in ham or sausage), but they did so an hour before he did in order for any poisoning symptoms to have time to manifest themselves.

Hitler had terrible table manners and frequently wiped his nose on his napkin or shirtsleeve. His dining companions were often immersed in a cloud of his pastry-induced flatulence, but most wisely chose to pretend that nothing was happening.

The American Office of Strategic Services (OSS) bribed Hitler's gardener in Berchtesgaden to lace Hitler's vegetables with large quantities of estrogen. The estrogen would not have had any obvious or immediate effects on the female tasters and thus would not have been detected, but the OSS hoped that it would have caused Hitler to lose his moustache, develop an even higher-pitched voice, and grow large breasts, all of which would diminish his luster in the eyes of his followers. The gardener took the bribe but apparently did not follow through with his assignment--or maybe he did, but the estrogen simply did not work.

For more information about the fun activities of the OSS, read the 1962 book by Stanley P. Lowell, Of Spies and Stratagems, or look at the digest of same in the July, 1963, edition of Popular Science.

HAVING A BLAST WITH JAMES FENIMORE COOPER

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In an early example of a school overreacting with a zero-tolerance policy, Yale University expelled future author James Fenimore Cooper in 1806 merely because he intentionally blew up another student's room with gunpowder.

FDR'S MURDER CONFESSION

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Franklin Roosevelt had a theory that people were so much in awe of his position that they never paid attention to what he actually was saying.  He tested his hypothesis numerous times, with great success, at social events where he would tell a guest "I murdered my grandmother this morning."  Almost invariably, the recipient of this information would nod agreeably or remark "that's nice" or something equally innocuous.

THE CLUMSY VASA

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Unlike the Sweden of modern times which is usually associated with neutrality, blond furniture, and incomprehensible art films about Thanatos playing chess, the Sweden of the early 1600s was a veritable butt-kicking highly militaristic expansionistic state consistent with its Viking ancestry. Although the Swedish navy at that time had been well-served with small but fast and deadly warships, the king, for reasons of prestige, ordered the construction of a fleet of huge lumbering war galleons bristling with two rows of guns as well as extremely high decks which would be useful when boarding other vessels. The first, largest, and most ornate of these galleons and the pride of the Swedish fleet was the Vasa. On the launch of its maiden voyage in 1628, the Vasa majestically sailed into the middle of the harbor of Stockholm and immediately capsized and sank.

The king was displeased and ordered that the responsible party or parties be located and brought to a swift and probably very unpleasant justice. In a scenario remarkably similar to the investigation of modern airplane crashes, the builder and designer of the boat claimed that it was the negligence of the crew; the crew (or at least the surviving members) claimed that the boat was designed and built top-heavy and was inherently unseaworthy. The shipbuilder claimed that he had originally wanted to spend more time and expense to incorporate a much wider and more stable hull but had been overruled by the king. It also became clear that the Captain had been ordered by the king to put on as impressive a show as possible for the foreign dignitaries at the launching and had thus violated the standard safety rules that you do not put a new ship under full sail and keep all of the gun ports open until after it has successfully passed its initial shakedown cruise. The king quietly abandoned his quest to assign blame for the disaster.

As revealed by this link, modern researchers have determined that the vessel was in fact unseaworthy. The shipbuilder, unfamiliar with vessels of multiple gun decks, overcompensated for the weight of the guns and incorporated too much lumber into the design, thus making the ship top-heavy. In addition, the workers building the ship used two different kinds of rulers in making their measurements. The Swedish foot was about one inch longer than the Amsterdam foot. The workers apparently used Swedish rulers on the port side and Amsterdam on the starboard, resulting in an asymmetrical vessel which automatically leaned towards the larger port side. The sailing of the vessel with open gun ports was the final nail in the coffin.

Unlike the Swedes, the Spanish, English, French, Dutch, and Portuguese had good luck building and sailing these ponderous types of vessels. In fact, in some instances, they got over 20,000 miles per galleon.

The Vasa was raised in 1961 and is now in a museum in Sweden. It is the only surviving galleon in the world, primarily because the cold water in Stockholm Harbor spared the wood from shipworms and the intense pollution present in the harbor water for centuries killed off any wood-eating bacteria. Once the ship was raised, exposure to the air of the wood which had been impregnated with pollutants for over 300 years produced and is still producing huge quantities of sulphuric acid and formic acid, which make conservation of the ship difficult.

Thanks to the Disney Pirates of the Caribbean film series, millions of people now know what the Vasa looks like. It was the model for the movies’ spectral pirate vessel The Flying Dutchman.

IKE'S MOO COWS

Photo from Eisenhower Presidential
Library and Museum

President Eisenhower's home at Gettysburg, which he acquired in 1950, was a working cattle farm. Just like the Republicans today complain about Obama's frequent golf vacations in Hawai'i, Democrats used to gripe whenever Eisenhower spent any time with his herd in Pennsylvania. Eisenhower's Black Angus cattle won many prizes, and Ike, at least while he was President, had his cattle business partners enter the beeves in competition under his partners' own names, not the President's, so that there would be no favoritism shown by the judges.

Eisenhower hosted many dignitaries at his ranch, including Konrad Adenauer (pictured above in the dark suit in the center), Charles de Gaulle, and Winston Churchill. One of the most impressed visitors was Nikita Khrushchev, who was fascinated by the operation and evinced considerable knowledge about agriculture in general. Khrushchev was not nearly as awed by the drive to the farm, indicating that the numerous single-family homes he saw on the way were a waste of resources.

THE SENSITIVE GOLDFINGER

In one sequence in the James Bond movie Goldfinger, the arch-villain for whom the film was named kills off a bunch of mob bosses by sealing them in a room and filling it with nerve gas. Gert Fröbe, the actor who portrayed Goldfinger, was extremely reluctant to participate in this scene because he was worried that it would offend Holocaust survivors. He was finally convinced to do so by the argument that the whole movie was fantasy and would not be taken seriously by anybody. Perhaps his contractual obligations to the studio were also a factor in his final decision.

Israel had initially banned the showing of any movie starring Fröbe on the basis that Fröbe had been a Nazi party member and had served in the German army. The ban was lifted when a couple of Jewish survivors revealed that Fröbe had concealed them during the war and had saved their lives.