HOW MARK TWAIN CHEATED AT POOL

Mark Twain was extremely fond of cats and always had several in his household throughout his life. In fact, when he had to move to New Hampshire on a project for two months, he rented four felines from a neighbor for the duration. 

His family members knew that if they had to interrupt him at work to solve a problem or grant a request, they should always carry a household kitten with them to soften Twain up.

Twain trained one of his cats (or, more likely, the cat trained Twain) to hunker down hidden in one of the pockets on his pool table prior to Twain shooting a game with a guest. When the guest would try to sink a ball into the pocket, the cat would bat it away with his paw. 

THE DREADFUL PENNY DREADFUL

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"Penny dreadfuls" were cheap pamphlets published for about eighty years in England after they were introduced around 1830. They were serialized adventure stories, often very sensational or lurid in nature, which were designed originally to appeal to adults who could not afford to buy real books. However, eventually the audience was primarily composed of teenagers. These publications filled the niche occupied by comic books today and were condemned by the same types of do-gooders who vilified the horror-type comic books of the 1950s.

Due to their cheap price, low quality of paper, perceived lack of worth, and paper drives in two World Wars, few examples of the earlier editions survive today.

For more information about penny dreadfuls as well as the TV series named after them, please see this article in The Guardian.

ESTABLISHING TITLE THROUGH BEATEN BOYS

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In medieval England, prior to the existence of formal legal descriptions and written deeds, land was conveyed from one person to another through an elaborate ceremony. A very important part of the ritual was when the buyer and seller would each provide at least one young boy who would be marched around the perimeter of the parcel while being flogged. The theory was that the lads would be so traumatized by the event that they would remember every detail of the transaction and the boundaries of the tract for the rest of their lives. They could thus testify as competent witnesses to the conveyance should any dispute arise years or even decades later.

"REVENGE OF THE NERDS" DUNG BEETLE STYLE

As with humans, there are different phenotypes for certain species of male dung beetles.

You have the big, burly, jock Arnold Schwarzenegger he-man (or he-beetle) stereotype. He can easily be recognized by the fact that he is horny--both figuratively and literally. Arnold has no problem picking up women. When he does, he proudly digs a tunnel for his gal, furnishes it with a big ball of poop, and manfully guards the entrance with his horn.

There is also the Leonard Hofstadter physically inept, but freakishly intelligent, nerd stereotype dung beetle. Leonard does not have a horn and would not fair well at all in a direct confrontation with Arnold. Leonard has trouble convincing girl dung beetles to go home with him. In order to slake his bodily lusts, Leonard surreptitiously digs a tunnel of his own that intersects underground with Arnold's tunnel. While Arnold is still on sentry duty, Leonard is downstairs servicing Arnold's girlfriend and creating a whole new generation of nerd dung beetles. Of course, if Arnold does catch him, Leonard is, so to speak, in deep doo-doo.

For more insight on the sexual escapades of dung beetles, check out the Natural History Magazine website.

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THE DULLES VERSION OF THE BATPHONE

John Foster Dulles, who was the Secretary of State under President Eisenhower, liked to unwind on Duck Island, which was a remote spot on Lake Ontario without landlines or even electricity. And, of course, cell phones were a thing of the future. His opportunities for telecommuting were thus quite limited. Therefore, as a precaution, he had made arrangements for his office to call CBS if he was needed in the event of an international crisis. If Dulles heard on his transistor radio the phrase on World News Roundup "[T]his story is of special interest to Secretary of State Dulles...", he knew that he had to take a boat or plane back to the mainland immediately so that he could get to a telephone.

WHERE NIKE GOT ITS SLOGAN

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Murderer Gary Gilmore was killed by a Utah firing squad on January 17, 1977.  He was the first person officially put to death in the United States after a ten-year moratorium on executions which ended when the Supreme Court upheld the constitutionality of capital punishment in 1976.

Gilmore affirmatively sought to have the sentence carried out as soon as possible and stymied all attempts by his lawyers to contest the penalty.  According to executive Lan Wieden of the Wieden+Kennedy ad agency, Gilmore's last words of "Let's do it" were the inspiration for the Nike advertising slogan of "Just do it."

WHY MACARTHUR GOT HIS FEET WET

One of the most iconic series of photographs of World War II was shot on October 20, 1944, showing General Douglas MacArthur wading ashore at Leyte to honor his pledge to return to the Philippines.  Although there is a landing craft in the background of the pictures, the general actually was transported to the beach in a whaleboat which is not visible in the photos. The whaleboat grounded itself in the shallow water several hundred yards from the beach, and MacArthur sent orders to the beachmaster* to secure a landing craft so that MacArthur could be transported ashore without getting his tootsies damp. The beachmaster had better things to do, and an infuriated MacArthur finally had to walk through the surf to get to dry land. The only thing which saved the beachmaster from a permanent transfer to the Aleutian Islands was MacArthur's inspection of the photos and his realization of how dramatic he looked striding through the water with grim determination.

*The beachmaster is the individual at an amphibious assault who directs the arrival of the invading troops and the removal of the wounded and dead. This guy is the first one on the beach during the invasion. The job has its moments of stress, even when not dealing with prima donna four-star generals. Beachmasters are informally known as "the traffic cops in Hell."

THE ANDERSON HOUSE

"Ginger" and delighted guest at the Anderson House

The Anderson House is a fifty-plus room rustic hotel built in 1856 in the sleepy Mississippi River town of Wabasha, Minnesota. Besides being haunted, it was also notorious as a cathouse.

I mean literally a cathouse. One of the most outstanding features of the hotel was its supply of felines. Subject to availability, each guest could request a mellow and affectionate cat for company, and the hotel staff would deliver the animal, along with food, water, toys, and kitty litter, to the customer's room. Due to the popularity of this feature, smart guests reserved a cat in advance. A clowder of the creatures was maintained in a comfortably-furnished glassed-in kitty dormitory, and a guest could view the stock there to select a particular four-pawed companion for his overnight stay. 

Anderson House cat dormitory

Feline-free facilities were also available for ailurophobes or guests who were allergic to cat dander.

The Anderson House provided the inspiration for a 1990 children's book Blumpoe the Grumpoe Meets Arnold the Cat, which features a grumpy old curmudgeon who is befriended by a black-and-white cat at the hotel.

Unfortunately, the economic crisis shut down the Anderson House in 2009, and the resident cats were distributed to new homes. The hotel has since re-opened under different management, but lamentably, felines are no longer provided.

And, to my credit, please note my scrupulous eschewing of atrocious puns in this feature, such as stating something like "it was the purrfect place to spend a night."

Roster for July 8, 2008

THE ELEGANT CONTINENTAL MARK II

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If asked what has always been the top of the line flagship automotive division of Ford Motor Company, most folks would instantly say "Lincoln." However, for a brief period of time, that role was usurped by the establishment of the Continental Division of Ford, which was intended to create automobiles far more luxurious and sophisticated than the cheaper relics to be offered by Lincoln. The Continental Division produced the highly distinguished Continental Mark II in 1956 and briefly in 1957. 

The Continental Mark II was a hand built masterpiece and cost over $10,000--the price of two Cadillacs of that era. It was a two-door hardtop with tasteful European styling coupled with an eggshell grill similar to that of the 1955 Thunderbird. The two and a half ton body was painted with multiple coats of hand-sanded lacquer and then polished to an extraordinary shine. Each engine and transmission was blueprinted with individually inspected and fitted components, and each vehicle was extensively test-driven before being approved for sale. Despite the high price of the automobile, Ford still lost $1,000 on every sale, but it did so gladly for the favorable publicity that the product engendered. 

Only 3,000 were manufactured, and most of these ended up in the possession of movie stars or high-level corporate executives. Some of the proud owners included Elvis Presley, Elizabeth Taylor, Frank Sinatra, and the Shah of Iran. About 1,500 Continental Mark IIs still exist in the hands of extremely lucky collectors.

Finally, it is understandable why many folks mistakenly believe that the Mark II was a Lincoln product. For one thing, it was distributed through Lincoln dealers. In addition, in 1948, Lincoln had its own model called a "Lincoln Continental Mark I," and in later years, Lincoln again adopted the Continental name and gunsight hood ornament for other Lincoln products.

To see a Mark II in action, click on the following video by Rides with Chuck.

WHY IOWANS SHOULD RUN THE COUNTRY

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In Iowa in 1910, as in most places at the time, the utility of the recently-introduced automobile was severely hampered by the deplorable mud roads which were the norm. Instead of expecting Washington to cure the problem, ten thousand farmers organized a massive voluntary road building effort and turned out across the state at 9:00 one morning. They completed a 380-mile paved highway from the east border of the state to the west in one hour. However, it took the rest of the day before they were able to finish installing all of the signs so that the road was ready to use.

PRURIENCE AND MINIATURE GOLF

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Minature golf was invented in 1867 at the prestigious Royal and Ancient Golf Club of St. Andrews in Scotland. The club members wanted to provide a sport for their wives and daughters but could obviously not have the females play regular golf.  After all, it would be intolerable to permit women to raise their clubs past their shoulders on the backswing, as it could then cause their breasts to bounce around on the downstroke. The Club thus provided a two-acre course called the Ladies Putting Green which could be played in full modesty with just a putter.

Times have changed since then, as evidenced by this 2011 Kia commercial featuring Michelle Wie.

THE BARLEY MEN

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Fans of classic loincloth movies such as Spartacus, Demetrius and the Gladiators, and the Terror of Rome versus the Son of Hercules are led to believe that gladiators were lean, mean, fighting machines. These combatants are usually portrayed  with wiry, sinewy bodies with sculpted six-pack abs and arm muscles like steel cables covered with bulging veins.

There is little doubt that most gladiators were skilled and savage fighters and not someone you would want to offend. They were without question well-muscled. However, for the most part, these muscles were concealed under a thick layer of fat. Gladiators were generally stout individuals and looked more like John Belushi than a young Arnold Schwarzenegger.

The cause of this phenomena is simple. The warriors were fed primarily beans and cheap grains. In fact, they were nicknamed "barley men" as a result of their diet. The high amount of carbohydrates really bulked them up. In order to obtain the necessarily calcium and other minerals required for their heavy physical regime, they consumed a primitive sports drink comprised of plant ashes dissolved in vinegar. They rarely ate meat except on the night before a match.

The diet was intentionally chosen on its merits and not just for the fact that it was inexpensive. The adipose actually served as protection so that an injury would be inflicted on the padding of fat instead of on vital organs. In addition, such superficial wounds bled dramatically and added greatly to the theater of the occasion.

For further information on feeding barley men, please click on this article on the Archaeology website.