THE SELF-MONITOR SELF-DIAGNOSIS

In 1974, psychologist Mark Snyder developed a 25-question test to determine if an individual is a high or low self-monitor. High self-monitors have a strong ability to evaluate their social situations and respond to subtle social cues in order to present themselves in the best light to the person with whom they are interacting at any given moment. If asked by someone "who are you really?" they would respond, if they did so honestly, "whoever you want me to be." High self-monitors get along well with a wide variety of people, often have many casual sexual relationships, and will often deceive their romantic partners. They tend to chose those romantic partners based on appearance. They do very well as trial attorneys, salesmen, actors, and politicians. They often achieve leadership positions, as they tell people what the people want to hear--regardless what the high self-monitor actually believes.

BILL CLINTON

Low self-monitors tend to be either incompetent or apathetic about how they present themselves and do not easily modify their behavior or beliefs in order to accommodate another person. They lack the antenna to pick up the subtle clues of the reactions of others to them and are thus often socially inept and are not good at sucking up to others in order to impress them. Their reactions and statements to others are usually sincere but also often unfiltered, awkward, and disquieting. Not only do they often not have the ability to follow social conventions, they often simply do not care one way or the other--or, if they do care, they usually are at unease. They tend to choose their romantic partners based on personality.

KING GEORGE VI

Low self-monitors tend to have more successful and stable marriages (and fewer of them). A partner of a low self-monitor knows ahead of time what he or she is getting as a mate, and there are no ugly surprises. On the other hand, a high self-monitor might be charming, caring, and sophisticated prior to marriage but abusive after the knot has been tied when there is no longer any need to maintain the deception.

You can take the original Snyder test yourself to see how you rate. A score from 0-8 indicates that you are a low self-monitor while one from 13-25 indicates that you are a high.

THE ADVERSE CONSEQUENCES OF ESCHEWING COMMIE PSYCHOLOGICAL TECHNIQUES

In early 1993, the FBI met in Moscow with Igor Smirnov, who had founded the highly regarded Psychotechnology Research Institute in the halcyon days for mind-control agencies under the Communist government. The feds wanted a psychological blueprint on how to convince Waco cult leader David Koresh to surrender peacefully.

Smirnov recommended using recordings made by Charlton Heston, as the voice of God, to convince Koresh to stand down. However, Smirnov was only willing to estimate that the technique would have a 70% chance of success. The FBI did not want to proceed with anything less than a 100%, as failure could result in public humiliation.  

Ultimately, the Attorney General Janet Reno, with the approval of President Clinton, chose instead the option of storming the compound, which resulted in the death of 76 men, women, and children. Although in hindsight it was probably not the best of decisions and has had negative repercussions even decades later, Reno at least owned up to it and did not try to shift the blame upstream or downstream.

IGOR SMIRNOV

THE COLONIAL COMMONER'S CRIMSON CRUSTACEAN CORNUCOPIA

Lobsters in the United States were not always the high-priced gourmand's fantasy that they are now. During colonial times, they were so ubiquitous that they were ground up and used for fertilizer and were also commonly fed to prisoners and indentured servants. In fact, the practice became so prevalent that the Massachusetts legislature unshellfishly enacted a law prohibiting the serving of lobster to indentured servants more than twice a week.

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THE SCOURGE OF DRUG-DEALING

In the golden days of television, drug commercials were for only over-the-counter remedies. The ads often employed ethnic stereotyping or featured caffeine-containing compounds intended to reduce elder abuse. And, of course, a large number of them were designed for nicotine delivery systems.

Today, however, the airwaves are saturated with pitches for various prescription drugs designed to cure erectile disfunction, vaginitis, and a host of geezer-related ailments. These are then generally followed by a short list of side effects of the product that could kill you or put you in a vegetative state. What happened? When did prescription drugs start to get marketed directly to the consumer instead of exclusively through the old tried-and-true method of providing free drug samples and trinkets to physicians?

Well, it has always been legal in the USA to advertise prescription drugs; however, the Food and Drug Administration required at one time that ALL of the potential side effects of each drug, no matter how rare, had to be disclosed in the advertisement. Obviously, unless the commercial was ten minutes long, there was no practical way of complying with this mandate. That is, there was no way until Hoechst Marion Roussel decided to market its allergy drug Seldane in the mid-1980s. The company described the drug and listed all of its desirable benefits but did not refer to it by name. The viewer was instead told to ask his physician for a medication meeting this description. There was, of course, only one such medication, and Seldane sales skyrocketed as a result. Because the drug was never referred to by name in the advertising, the vendor did not have to disclose its side effects--which was probably fortunate from the drug company's perspective, as the FDA pulled Seldane off of the market in 1997 due to it causing potentially fatal heart arrhythmias.

In that same year, the FDA revised its regulations so that a drug could be described by name with only the most significant side effects listed. The rest is history, we are now deluged with offensive commercials about pharmaceuticals, and doctors are in fact prescribing these drugs in many cases at the suggestion of their patients merely to keep them happy. Only two countries--the USA and New Zealand--currently have this unfettered advertising available, and the American Medical Association is currently attempting to reverse this policy.

So, you hopefully now understand why you are subjected to commercials featuring individuals literally with their bowels in an uproar and why the costs of prescription medicines are even higher now that they have to absorb the expense of television marketing.

For more information on the history of drug TV advertising, see "Answer Man" Roger Schleuter's column on same in the Belleville News Democrat.

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THE PUSILLANIMOUS WOOKIEE

When filming Return of the Jedi in the redwood forests of northern California, Peter Mayhew was  not allowed to walk around alone in costume and was accompanied by crew members in brightly colored vests. Star Wars nerds will recall that Mayhew was  7'3" (221 cm) tall actor who portrayed Chewbacca, the Wookiee. Mayhew's associates were concerned that a hunter might confuse the Wookiee for Bigfoot (or perhaps a bear) and shoot him (notwithstanding the fact that as far as I know, there is no open season on Bigfoot in California, and most bears do not wear bandoliers).

Actor David Prowse was originally slated to play Chewbacca, but he was switched over to portray Darth Vader. Mayhew was a hospital orderly at the time he was called to take over the part and was told that all he had to do was "stand up."

For more information on the Wookiee-Bigfoot controversy, please click here.

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WHAT IS MY MOVIE?

Connoisseurs of elegant filmcraft now have a delightful new website to refine their choices for cinematic excitement--namely, http://www.whatismymovie.com. This is the ultimate movie search engine where you can either 1) insert descriptive terms for that wonderful film you viewed decades ago but cannot recall its name or 2) look for movies which may contain specific topics of particular interest to you. For example, suppose you were trying to remember the name of a movie you saw as a youth featuring aliens from outer space with ray guns which turned their victims into skeletons while, at the same time, the invaders are growing a giant lobster to take over Earth? Simply insert the appropriate search term of "aliens from outer space with ray guns which turn their victims into skeletons while at the same time, the invaders are growing a giant lobster to take over Earth" (without the quotation marks) and VOILA!--up will pop the 1959 classic Teenagers from Outer Space (a movie my beloved big sister took me to see as part of a double-feature along with Gigantis the Fire Monster (also known as Godzilla Raids Again)).

Your searches could, of course, be more generic, using terms such as "ship battles," "witches," or "talking dinosaurs."

The system is not perfect, and often you may come up with choices which at first blush seem inexplicable. However, you have available, in addition to the general search, alternatives for searching by movie title or actors or with a more traditional search engine. With a little diligence, it will be hard not to find the movie you are seeking. It also provides a link for each film where you can watch it online (after paying the appropriate fee, of course). It is also searchable by voice.

If you would rather just read more about this site instead of actually trying it out, there is always the option of seeing what mental-floss has to say about it.

Speaking of Teenagers from Outer Space, it, like another classic, Night of the Living Dead, is now in the public domain. Enjoy.

BAD TO THE BONE--Teenagers from Outer Space