THE MONSTROUS EFFECTS OF MOUNT TAMBORA

The year 1815 saw a massive eruption of the Indonesian volcano Mount Tambora. The huge ash cloud spread across the earth and was a major contribution, in 1816, to what was called "The Year Without a Summer." In 1816, temperatures in Europe and America were lower than normal, resulting in widespread crop failure, famine, and cold, drizzly weather.

As a result, in the summer of 1816, several spoiled English yuppies (including Lord Byron, Percy Shelley, and his paramour and future wife Mary) eschewed going outside in the cold and were cooped up inside Byron's vacation villa in Switzerland warming themselves around the fire. They decided to have a competition to determine who could pen the scariest ghost story. Eighteen-year-old Mary, after reading about galvanism, had a dream at around 2 AM on June 16, 1816, about a corpse being reanimated by a scientist with an electrical engine. She wrote her thoughts down in the form of a short story, which she then expanded into the novel Frankenstein; or The Modern Prometheus. This book is considered by most experts to be the first example of science fiction.

Because the novel was written by a girl, it was originally published anonymously.

In the course of the tale, the monster is repudiated and rejected by his creator, Dr. Victor Frankenstein. Dr. Frankenstein even runs away from the creature when it first comes to life. This passage was actually autobiographical. In 1815, Mary had a kid who was two months premature. Percy, the father, abandoned the infant and his mother and left them so that he could have a torrid affair with Mary's half-sister, Claire. The child died two weeks later.

One of the other yuppies who participated in the contest was John Polidori, Lord Byron's 20-year old physician. Polidori penned for the competition a novel, which was eventually published in 1819, called The Vampyre. This was the story which launched the modern vampire genre--not, as is commonly assumed, Bram Stoker's 1897 best-seller Dracula. Unfortunately for Polidori, The Vampyre was published without his prior knowledge and was credited as being the work of Lord Byron (who by all accounts was something of an self-centered pooperhead). As a result, Polidori committed suicide at the age of 25 by ingesting cyanide.

In short, the Indonesian volcano not only provoked the death by starvation of millions of people, it also led to the creation of two of the most beloved Halloween monsters of today.

For more information about the disastrous effects of the Mt. Tambora eruption, please click here.

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OPERATION FIR TREE

A Swiss bayonet with a 19-inch (48.25 cm) saw-toothed blade. 

Would you really want to mess with a country which uses stuff like this?

Prior to the beginning of World War II, Adolf Hitler on multiple occasions guaranteed the neutrality of Switzerland and publicly stated that he was eschewing any and all opportunities to invade same. Amazingly, the Swiss were not entirely reassured by these assertions and mobilized a huge army within three days after the Germans started WWII in Europe by launching an offensive against Poland.

The instincts of the Swiss were sound. Hitler was appalled by a Germanic nation that provided its people with a decentralized democracy and a wide range of civil rights. Privately, Hitler confided to his advisers that he considered the Swiss "disgusting" and that Switzerland was a "pimple on the face of Europe." In order to pop this pimple, the Germans developed a scheme called Operation Tannenbaum ("Fir Tree") where they would invade Switzerland with up to 500,000 troops and make it part of the German Reich.

Plans to launch this offensive were finally shelved after D-Day in Normandy. By all expert accounts, implementation of Operation Tannenbaum would have been a total disaster for Germany. There are good reasons why no one invades Switzerland. The country is so mountainous that the only access is through a few passes. The Swiss knew where these passes were and were well-prepared to defend them. The passes, bridges, and tunnels were (and still are) mined with high explosives which can be detonated at a moment's notice. Aircraft and artillery pieces were hidden in the sides of mountains or within bucolic barns or quaint Alpine houses. The heavy forests would have concealed most military targets from the Luftwaffe, and the German navy would, for obvious reasons, have been highly ineffective. 

In addition, of course, the Germans had plenty of distractions already on the Russian front. They really, truly, did not also need a horde of angry Swiss crossing their border. Since the late 1400s, Swiss soldiers have been considered the cream of the crop in Europe and had served as line troops in a wide variety of armies. During World War II, every Swiss adult male up to age 60 was trained in the army, belonged to the militia, and kept a rifle at home. And, even today, virtually all Swiss males between ages 20 and 30 are currently in the militia and are required to store fully automatic rifles and ammo at their residences.

The Swiss Guard still serves as the bodyguards for the Pope. You can see them in Vatican City in brightly colored medieval* uniforms and holding old-fashioned pointy things--however, these extremely competent military men are far more than a quaint tourist attraction. Hitler would have faced Swiss opponents bearing highly accurate and highly regarded K31 carbines; the modern Swiss soldiers, including the Swiss Guards at the Vatican, are well-trained and proficient in the latest in small arms and machine guns. 

For a thorough description of how "Switzerland does not have an army; Switzerland is an army," read John McPhee's 1983 book, La Place de la Concorde Suisse. For an analysis of the same topic by the characters from Greg and Mort Walker's comic strip Beetle Bailey, see the bottom of this page.

By Dnalor 01 (Own work) [CC BY-SA 3.0 at
(http://creativecommons.org/licenses/by-sa/3.0/at/deed.en)],
via Wikimedia Commons

*Speaking of going medieval, that is what a Swiss Guardsman is likely to do to you if you were to deprecate his uniform, such as by calling it a clown costume, in his presence.

Copyright King Features Syndicate

THE WRONG CAR FOR ANTI-SEMITES

The Dodge automobile emblem was not always a ram's head--it once was what appears to be a bi-colored Star of David over a map of the Western Hemisphere. This symbol was used on the first car produced by the Dodge brothers (John and Horace)  in 1914 and was continued after the brothers died and even after the company was eventually acquired by Chrysler.

The brothers never revealed how they came up with the emblem. They were not Jewish. One of several theories holds that the brothers wanted to spite Henry Ford, who was a notorious anti-Semite. However, at the time the emblem was designed, the brothers were good personal friends of Henry Ford and were in a profitable business arrangement providing Ford Motor Company with various car parts. Another hypothesis was that the brothers liked law enforcement and were modeling the trademark after a six-pointed Sheriff's badge. Still another unproven explanation is that the brothers, who were very close (rumor had it that if a letter was sent to the company addressed to only one brother and not both, it was discarded unread), coincidentally used double deltas (the Greek letter for "D") in the emblem without even knowing about the existence of the Star of David.

By another strange coincidence, Chrysler dropped the "Star of David" trademark for Dodge products in 1938--perhaps in deference to a desire to sell its cars in Nazi Germany, or perhaps not. I simply do not know.

THE COUNTERFEIT DANE

One of the most highly-regarded premium ice cream brands is the dense, preservative-free Häagen-Dazs. The Danish-sounding name suggests that it originated in well, duh, Denmark. However, the brand in fact was developed in 1961 by Reuben Mattus in Bronx, New York. Mattus wanted to pay tribute to the fact that Danes, for the most part, protected their Jewish population as much as possible during World War II. He also believed that Americans associate Denmark with cows and fine dairy products.

Consequently, Mattus sat around thinking of nonsensical words until he came up with something that sounded really Danish--i.e. "Häagen-Dazs"--yet was also unique. The phrase does not mean anything when literally translated. In fact, the Danish language does not even use an umlaut "a" nor the digraph "zs." To further emphasize the Danishness of the ice cream, the earliest cartons had an outline map of Denmark printed on them.

In 1980, Häagen-Dazs sued Frusen Glädjé, a competing ice cream company because it  also used a Scandinavian-sounding name--although in this case, the name had a literal translation in Swedish (although sans accent mark)--"frozen delight." Häagen-Dazs lost.

In 1983, Pillsbury purchased Häagen-Dazs, and the brand Häagen-Dazs is now owned by General Mills and is licensed, in the United States and Canada, to Nestlé and its subsidiary Dreyer's.

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WHEN IN ROME, DOO-DOO AS THE ROMANS...

We have already discussed the enlightened use of urine by the Romans as a laundry detergent. While on the topic of the potty habits of the Romans, we should also consider their equally enlightened use of sewers and toilets. Public toilets were ubiquitous in ancient Rome, along with fully functional sewers--a combination which would be lost for centuries thereafter.

However, it was not a perfect combination in all respects. Modesty took a second seat (or, depending on the size of the facilities, a third, fourth, or fifth seat), as the toilets would simply be sitting out in the open. The toilets were never cleaned and their male users probably suffered with the same problems with accuracy as do their modern counterparts--as can be observed in most any gas station or airport men's restroom. Archeologists have confirmed that Roman pooping parlors were teeming with parasites. And, finally, there is the issue of the toilet paper. There was none. Wiping was done by a sponge on a stick--an apparatus which was never cleaned and which was passed from one user to the next.

And, oh yes, do not forget the aroma--and the critters who would come up from below to chew on exposed buttocks--or the occasional exploding and scrotum-searing methane gas. No wonder Romans would draw pictures of Fortuna (the goddess of luck) on the stalls in order to ward of demons. They would also inscribe witticisms and crude comically profane drawings on the belief that laughter would also drive away the foul creatures. And thus graffiti was born.

DON'T MESS WITH THE KOMONDOR

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This strange beast is the komondor dog, originally from Hungary. Also known as "mop dogs" or "car wash dogs," they sport long and thick dreadlocks. They are rarely bathed, as it takes up to three days for the coat to dry out.

Komondors are extremely intelligent and are frequently used as sheepdogs. They are capable of independent thought and are often left by themselves to guard their flock. These pooches are laid back (but still alert) during the day but spend the night vigorously hunting predators. They are literally a dog in sheep's clothing and often blend in with the herd until a carnivore approaches, at which point the komondor goes medieval on the would-be attacker with a blowtorch and pliers. Their large size, rapid speed, and extremely thick coat makes them effective guardians against wolves, cougars, or even bears. When properly socialized, they are extremely loyal and protective to their owners and families. There is a Hungarian saying that you can easily enter property guarded by a komondor but that it is impossible to leave.

They are not, however, the canine for just anyone. If not adequately trained and socialized at an early age, they can be very strong-willed and dangerous.

THE OTHER GOLDFINGER

Ernő Goldfinger (or, as he would be referred to in Hungary, the land of his birth, Goldfinger Ernő) was an architect and furniture designer who emigrated to the United Kingdom and resided there until his death in 1987 at age 85. He was a Modernist who did much of his work in the "Brutalist" style, which often featured monolithic massive concrete structures where the wood grain of the casting forms is clearly visible and where features which are normally concealed, such as water tanks, are out in the open.  An elaborate example is Goldfinger's Trellick Tower in North Kensington pictured below. Or, simply envision many high-capacity college dormitories or large government buildings constructed in the 1960s where function and costs overwhelmed any attempt at aesthetics.

"Brutalism" was an appropriate description for Goldfinger. He was a Marxist, had a vile temper, had no sense of humor, and would fire assistants if they were jocular. He was the perfect person to replace numerous bombed-out quaint and individualistic houses in post-war Britain with oppressive concrete high-rises.

There is actually a connection between Ernő Goldfinger and Auric Goldfinger, the infamous James Bond villain played on film by Gert Fröbe. Ian Fleming, the original author of the Bond novels, was not particularly fond of Ernő Goldfinger after Ernő had built one of his creations in pre-war Britain at the cost of demolishing a row of bucolic cottages. Fleming's disdain grew after talking with a friend of Ernő's  wife over a round of golf, and he decided to name the villain in his next book "Goldfinger." Ernő took umbrage at this tribute when Goldfinger was being published in 1959, and he consulted with his lawyers about suing. The matter was eventually resolved without litigation by Fleming's publisher paying Ernő's legal fees, providing him with six free copies of the book, and agreeing to affirm publically that the character was fictitious. Fleming was outraged over the incident and its resolution and tried to convince his publisher to rename the character "Goldprick," but he could not prevail.

Photo by stevecadman [CC BY-SA 2.0
(http://creativecommons.org/licenses/by-sa/2.0)],
 via Wikimedia Commons

THE COCA-COLA DICHOTOMY

The next time you are at a pool party, toss into the water a can of regular Coke and a can of Diet Coke (preferably, without opening them first). Will they sink or swim? Actually, both.

The can of regular Coke will plummet to Davy Jones's Locker, while the can of Diet Coke will contentedly bob on the surface. Both contain twelve ounces of liquid and the same amount of metal in the can. So what gives?

The answer lies in the evil sugar found in the regular Coke. It weighs in at 39 grams, while the amount of substitute sweetener in the Diet Coke can is only about 0.125 grams. Both cans of pop are about the same density as water, but the can of the diet product is just slightly below water's density and floats, while the sugary original is just slightly above and sinks.

But didn't I say the cans are both twelve ounces? Well, thanks to the Americans' desire to make units of measurement as confusing as possible, there are ounces used to measure volume and different ounces used to measure mass. The twelve ounces in a soda can refers to the volume of the contents, not the weight.

You can try this experiment with other beverages--just be warned that you might not be invited back to the next pool party.

For more information on this fascinating topic, please see the marvelous I Found Out Today website.

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DIRTY HARRY

Copyright Warner Bros. Pictures

One of the iconic movies of the 1970s is Dirty Harry, which was inducted into the National Film Registry in 2012 by the U.S. Library of Congress for meeting the criteria of being "culturally, historically, and aesthetically significant." "Dirty Harry" refers to the character Harry Callahan, played by Clint Eastwood. Callahan is the stereotypical politically incorrect San Francisco police detective who gets the job done by playing by his own rules, defying authority, shooting bad people, etc. etc.

Callahan, however, does not have the leading role in the film. That honor goes to the sidearm he carries--a Smith & Wesson Model 29 .44 magnum revolver with a six-and-half inch barrel. At the time, the .44 magnum was the one of the most powerful commercially available handguns and packed substantially more energy than its more popular rival, the .357 magnum. Yet, until the movie was made, the Model 29 was relatively obscure and rarely encountered. In fact, the factory suspended production due to lack of demand. The weapon's high price, bulky dimensions, heavy weight, expensive ammunition, over-penetration, and abusive recoil did not appeal to most shooters. Once the film was released, however the Model 29 achieved fame and popularity and sales skyrocketed--and surged again each time one of the four sequels to the picture was released and even each time one of the movies was shown on prime-time television.

Countless males who have suffered when ensnared into enduring estrogen-engorged epics such as The Notebook, Sleepless in Seattle, or the deceptively disguised chick flic, Pearl Harbor, have been able to obtain partial relief during their ordeal by replaying in their minds the witty and urbane dialogue from Dirty Harry, including the following cerebral observations made by Detective Callahan to a suspect after Callahan had emptied several rounds from his revolver during a gunfight. It is pertinent to the discussion to understand that Callahan was covering the wrongdoer with his .44 while the bad guy was obviously contemplating lunging for a nearby weapon on the ground:

“I know what you’re thinking. ‘Did he fire six shots or only five?’ Well, to tell you the truth, in all this excitement I kind of lost track myself. But being as this is a .44 Magnum, the most powerful handgun in the world, and would blow your head clean off, you’ve got to ask yourself one question: ‘Do I feel lucky?’ Well, do ya, punk?*"

Clint Eastwood was not an original candidate to star in the movie. Warner Bros. purchased the screenplay specifically with Frank Sinatra in mind for the character of Harry Callahan. Sinatra was enthusiastic about the role until he became more acquainted with his co-star--the Model 29. Ol' Blue Eyes had injured his wrist in filming The Manchurian Candidate, and the .44 magnum was simply too heavy for him to handle. Steve McQueen, John Wayne, Paul Newman, Robert Mitchum, and Burt Lancaster also turned down the part, and studio executives were forced to turn to Clint Eastwood instead. The rest is history.

Finally, the .44 magnum is no longer king of the Smith & Wesson line. S&W now makes a Model 500 .50 caliber magnum revolver suitable primarily for hunting Tyrannosaurs or winning magnum-measuring contests. Several jurisdictions have attempted to ban it, notwithstanding the fact that most street thugs do not favor a hard-to-conceal 15-inch-long $1500+ handgun for use in robbing liquor stores or otherwise plying their trade.

*To find out if the punk felt lucky, please click here.

FORD'S CHROMATIC PARSIMONY

Henry Ford's first cars were generally available in more than one color, with the choice of color dependent on the particular body style.  It was not until 1914 that he implemented his philosophy for the Model T that "you can get any color you want as long as it is black."  Black paint dried the fastest, was cheaper, and was considered more durable than the other pigments. Ford brought back other colors after 1926.

THE FRUIT MACHINE

In the 1960s, the Royal Canadian Mounted Police organized a special department known as Section A-3. Section A-3's sole responsibility was to root out every homosexual in the Canadian government. All such individuals, once exposed, either immediately resigned or were fired.

Section A-3 initially tried to follow everyone around and see what sort of clubs or other social gatherings they attended, but this proved to be an extremely costly and inefficient procedure. What the Mounties needed was a surefire form of gaydar which could be systematically used to test each and every government employee. They found it (or at least believed they did) with a device informally known as "The Fruit Machine." 

The Fruit Machine used a pupil responsive test and also measured perspiration and pulse rate. The subject (who was told that he or she was taking a "stress test") would be shown various pictures of mundane objects along with photos of naked men and women. If the subject's pupils dilated upon viewing a photo of an unclad person of the same sex, the subject would be presumed to be gay. The Fruit Machine examinations were also supplemented with other tests to determine the subject's reaction to trigger words such as "queer," "gay," "drag," and "bar."

It soon became apparent that The Fruit Machine was extremely unreliable. In addition, it developed various mechanical problems. Furthermore, employees figured out the true intent of the test and refused to take it. The RCMP, as a result, forsook using its beloved device. Instead, they brought out a plethysmograph (a/k/a "The Peter Meter") designed to measure blood flow to the genitals to detect any sexual arousal when the subject viewed the photos. Presumably, at this point, the Mounties eschewed any attempts to continue to pretend that they were administering "stress tests." 

At least 400 employees were canned as a result of the RCMP anti-gay crusade.

The plethysmograph, although flawed, still lives on, however. Law enforcement officials in both the USA and Canada use it when investigating suspected pedophiles or ephebophiles. 

THE FIRST GODFATHER MOVIE IS STILL BETTER

When Francis Ford Coppola (pictured below) directed Godfather II, he used studio executives, writers, and associate producers to portray senators in a scene involving Kefauver-type congressional hearings on organized crime. He figured that real senators from that era (the early 1950s) would be somewhat stiff and self-conscious when appearing in front of television cameras, so he wanted his movie senators to be played by intelligent, articulate individuals who nonetheless would not be polished and sophisticated actors. His idea worked splendidly.

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AMERICAN HIGH-LOW CONFLUENCE

The highest point in the contiguous 48 U.S. states is located in Inyo County, California (Mt. Whitney).

The lowest point in the contiguous 48 U.S. states is located in Inyo County, California (Badwater Basin in Death Valley).

On a very clear day, both of these sites are visible from Dante's View in the Black Mountains.

Dante's View is familiar to space opera fans as the site of the panoramic vision of the Tatooine city of Mos Eisley in the original 1977 Star Wars movie. The city was added to the scene through the miracle of matte painting.

Roger469, Public domain, via Wikimedia Commons
DANTE'S VIEW

THE HANNIBAL LECTER PROGNOSTICATION

A Baylor University study in 2015 discovered that people with psychopathic personality traits were significantly less likely to engage in sympathetic yawning--i.e. the response where one person feels compelled to yawn because he witnesses another person doing it.

The researchers believe that the lack of empathy which is one of the trademarks of a psychopath is the reason for the non-yawn. They have not gone as far as to assert, however, that should you see an individual fail to mirror to another's yawn, you must automatically presume that the non-responsive individual is a serial killer burying his victims in his basement.

For an article on this phenomenon, click here. To download and read the actual scientific paper itself, click here instead.

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THE CROSSING CONTRADICTION CONUNDRUM

A study in New Zealand revealed that a pedestrian had a 28% greater chance of being hit in an official marked crosswalk than if he had simply jaywalked. A similar study in the United States also revealed that pedestrians using the crosswalks on higher traffic multi-lane roads had a greater chance of being hit by a car than did a jaywalker. Both of these studies involved crosswalks which had no other safety or signaling features.

Experts believe that the phenomenon is caused by a false sense of security on the part of the walkers because they are in a designated crossing area and that they pay far less attention to traffic hazards than if they are dashing across the street illegally.

The studies also reveal that the designated crosswalks are far safer if they equipped with a stop sign, traffic light, or other signal. Perhaps that is why New Zealand and Australia have taken the next step and adopted chirping crossing lights.

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"JUST KIDDING..."

For obvious reasons, Soviet tyrant Joseph Stalin found it prudent to surround himself with highly-trained bodyguards who followed him everywhere he went. Well, almost everywhere he went. He issued standing orders that his bedchambers were off-limits to his protectors and that they should never enter therein.

One day, the guards heard bloodcurdling shrieks behind Stalin's bedroom door. They, fearing that Stalin was being assassinated, rushed in only to find out that they were the targets of Stalin's playful sense of humor and that Stalin was screaming merely to find out if his bedroom-avoidance directive would be honored if his men thought that he was in mortal peril.

As a consequence of these loyal myrmidons being willing to take the initiative and disobey orders when they thought it was necessary to do so to save Stalin's life, he ordered them to be executed.

Stalin died in 1953 several days after suffering a stroke. Ironically, at the stroke's onset, he was in his bedroom. When he failed to request his normal morning tea, his guards suspected that something was drastically wrong, but, recalling what had happened to their predecessors, they delayed twelve hours before sending in one very courageous individual who found a urine-soaked Stalin collapsed on the floor. Even more ironically, Stalin had, in a fit of paranoia, recently purged his high-ranking physicians, and they had to dispense their medical advice for his treatment (which included the administration of leeches and the intake of nutrition via enemas) from behind the barbed wire of the Gulags.

It is suspected by many historians that Stalin's Security Chief, Lavrenti Beria, as well as Stalin's successor, Nikita Khrushchev, conspired with other Poliburo members to induce the stroke in Stalin by poisoning him with the blood thinner Warfarin. These officials were purportedly concerned that Stalin's megalomania, impulsiveness, and aforementioned paranoia would provoke him into launching a nuclear war with the United States. Or, maybe they were just fans of John Wayne.

CAN MAN LIVE BY BREAD ALONE?

Although a diet comprised solely of flour, salt, and water might keep you alive for a little while, you would soon die of malnutrition--even if you started out in good health and physical condition.

Now, take the exact same ingredients but mix the flour, salt, and some of the water together, let it ferment for a while, and then bake it. You would then be on a bread and water diet which possibly could keep you alive indefinitely. The leavening and baking of the bread dough would unlock a lot of the nutrients and minerals within--probably enough to sustain life.

Of course, you still would not be in the prime of health, as you would not have vitamin C to withstand scurvy and to help heal wounds, vitamin A to avoid night blindness and your eyes from drying out, the same vitamins A and C to assist in fighting infections, vitamin D to prevent rickets and osteoporosis, or enough fat to maintain hair and skin and to produce adequate levels of testosterone to avoid loss of muscle mass.

HARDTACK BREAD--THE STAPLE FOOD FOR
 SOLDIERS AND SAILORS FOR CENTURIES

THE COLUMBIAN PREVARICATIONS

One of the most cherished American heroes, at least when I was a youth, was Christopher Columbus. One of history's most cherished legends, at least when I was a youth, was that all of Europe was gobsmacked, as a result of Columbus's initial voyage, to learn that the world might be round. In reality, it was common knowledge for around two hundred years prior to 1492 that the earth was not flat, that intrepid sailors did not risk sailing off of the edge, and that Columbus's daring plan to sail around the world was daring only because no one exactly knew how large the world was and, as a corollary, whether or not he had enough provisions for the voyage. The source of the misconception (i.e. lie) was the book The Life and Voyages of Christopher Columbus authored by Washington Irving in 1828.

Another such misconception was the common belief that Columbus was the first European to discover America. That honor instead probably goes to Leif Erikkson, who apparently set foot in Canada around the year 1000.

One final facet of Columbus history which was not really discussed when I was in school was his enthusiastic practice of genocide and torture with respect to Native Americans. Adolf Eichmann could have picked up quite a few pointers from this guy. 

Columbus had initially been looking for a better trade route to the far east. However, on his first landing in the New World, he encountered the Lucayan natives from what is currently known as the Bahamas. Columbus described these people as healthy, generous, and hospitable. They freely gave the Europeans anything they wanted and rescued the Santa Maria, saving both the cargo and crew. Unfortunately for the Lucayans, they sported gold earrings. Suddenly, Columbus's obsession for a better trade route was subsumed by a lust for the yellow metal.

Columbus took twenty-five Lucayans back with him to Spain--seven survived the voyage. Upon reporting to his royal sponsors of the potential wealth which could be found in what would later be called America, Columbus was outfitted with seventeen ships, 1,500 men, and literally boatloads of weapons. He thereupon demanded from the natives food, gold, and access to their young women for sexual slavery. And, by young, we are referring to very young. Columbus observed that girls of ages nine or ten could be used as currency, and he often provided them to his officers as a reward.

The natives did not accede to his demands, and Columbus captured some, ordered that their noses and ears be cut off, and released them to return to their villages as an example of what happens to anyone who resisted the Europeans. Eventually, the natives rebelled, and Columbus and his troops quickly quashed the revolt with their superior weapons. In order to alleviate the boredom of genocide, the troops enjoyed siccing their hunting dogs to feed upon any fallen but still living Lucayan warriors.

Columbus returned to Spain sans gold but with a cargo of 500 Lucayans to be sold as slaves. Two hundred of them survived the voyage. Another 500 were enslaved by Columbus's men who remained in the New World and forced to perform arduous tasks, including carrying the Europeans around on the slaves' backs. Other fun activities imposed upon the natives included evisceration, live burial, crushing by horses, or having their babies roasted on spits.

Columbus still had his eye on gold. He implemented a system where each native was required to bring in a certain amount of the precious metal. Once the native met his allotment, he was given a copper disc to wear around his neck which essentially exempted him from further gold collection for a specific period of time. If a native was apprehended with an expired disc or no disc at all, his taskmasters would cut off his hands and require him to wear them around his neck instead.

So, why is Columbus honored by a federal holiday in the United States and put on the same pedestal as folks like Abraham Lincoln and Martin Luther King, Jr.? The slavish devotion to Columbus did not originate with Washington Irving's 1828 publication. Columbia, named after Columbus, was used as a personification of America in a British publication in 1738 and since then has been adopted as the name of cities, a record company, a space shuttle, a university, the capitol of the United States, and numerous other applications. Columbus was the first subject of a commemorative postage stamp issued by the USA and was the inspiration for the World's Columbian Expedition in Chicago in 1892-1893. Also in 1892, President Benjamin Harrison established Columbus Day as a rebuttal to the lynching of eleven Italian-Americans the prior year. Columbus's placement on the pantheon of official federal holidays started as a day of  national observance in 1934, after the Knights of Columbus sought recognition for Columbus as a Catholic who could serve a role model for kids. It achieved full federal holiday status, where mail is not delivered and federal offices are closed, three years later.

Notwithstanding the foregoing, however, various state and local governments since 1977 have dumped Columbus and are celebrating instead Indigenous Peoples' Day.

TRAPPED WITH NO PLACE TO GO

On April 9, 1940, Adolf Hitler, with the assistance of traitor Vidkun Quisling, invaded and occupied Norway with a minimum amount of fuss and effort. Unlike Quisling, the majority of Norwegians did not approve of becoming Nazi puppets, and many actively participated in the Resistance movement against the Germans.

Most Norwegians who lived on the coast (which were a lot) were involved in the sardine industry--either in fishing for the product or preparing it for market. Norwegians relied on the fish as a basic foodstuff, as Norway is not known for its vast herds of beef cattle or acres of orange groves. Consequently, the Norwegian people were less than happy when the Quisling government agreed to process and can the entire year's catch of sardines and turn it over to the Germans for use by the Nazi submarine fleet to feed its crews.

The sardines were to be packed in oil. The Norwegians decided to alter the standard recipe slightly by substituting croton oil instead of the usual vegetable oil. The croton oil was smuggled in courtesy of British intelligence to every sardine cannery in Norway. Did I mention that croton oil is a very, very powerful laxative?

Envision now the life aboard a typical WWII German submarine. There were approximately fifty crew members stuffed in a metal tube without ventilation for three weeks to six months. There were no laundry facilities. Each crew member started the voyage with the clothes on his back and one change of underwear and socks. There were no showers or shaving. High temperatures and high humidity quickly led to mold growing abundantly on food, clothing, and bedding--and sometimes skin. The air, what little there was of it, reeked of unwashed bodies, diesel fumes, and decay. There was a maximum of two toilets, but one would be stuffed with food, as space was at a premium, and this potty would not be available until the food inside was consumed (yummy). The limited space also required that hot-bunking be practiced, which means that when one sailor was on duty, some other sailor would be using his bunk for sleeping.  

This sailor most likely did not rest well, as he would no doubt be contemplating the fact that U-boat crews had the highest casualty rate of any service in WWII, and he would probably be wondering how he would die. Perhaps he would be engulfed in burning fuel. Maybe he would be far below the surface when depth charges breached the hull and tons of water at high pressure crushed him into a little ball of grease. Maybe salt water would come into contact with the batteries and create chlorine fumes, turning his lungs into Jello. Or, perhaps worst of all, his boat might sink with him trapped in a sealed compartment while he suffocated  over a period of hours or days as the oxygen was slowly consumed.

Now, add to this angst the revenge of the Norwegian fishing industry. There are now included in the above equation approximately fifty crew members with violent, explosive diarrhea--all at the same time. There is probably available only one cramped toilet--a toilet, by the way, which could not be emptied simply by depressing a handle but instead had to be pumped out by hand through a complicated series of steps and valves to eject its contents into the sea (if done incorrectly, which often happened with a novice crewman, the dreaded phenomenon known as "back-flush" or "the U-boat baptism" would occur). If each crew member had to obtain relief every fifteen minutes, each crew member had eighteen seconds to go, clean up, and empty the toilet. Add to this equation the fact that because of the noise it produced, the toilet could not be used at all in the presence of the enemy. Finally, consider that toilet paper was in limited supply. The end results were massive "accidents" throughout the boat and a crew who had to use clothing and bunks soiled with evidence of those accidents for weeks or months without relief.

If you want to learn more about the joys of being on a U-boat, try this link.

THE FIRST PRESIDENT OF THE UNITED STATES

John Hanson was unanimously  chosen as the first President of the United States when it officially became a country in 1781. He had his plate full as soon as he took office.  Hanson had to avert a potential insurrection by the soldiers who had served in the Revolutionary War, who were displeased by the fact that they had not been paid and that the new government had no money. He got rid of all foreign troops on American soil. He declared that the fourth Thursday of each November would be Thanksgiving. He formed the Treasury Department, War Department, and State Department (called then the "Foreign Affairs Department"). He established the Great Seal of the United States. And he did all of this in one year.

That George Washington dude? He actually was the eighth President, serving after Hanson, Elias Boudinot, Thomas Mifflin, Richard Henry Lee, Nathan Gorman, Arthur St. Clair, and Cyrus Griffin. Yeah, sure, Washington may have been the first President elected under the Constitution while his seven predecessors took office while the country was operating under the Articles of Confederation, but the fact remains that he was still merely the eighth President of the United States.

WHY WE LIKE SYMMETRY

Many, if not most, humans find symmetry to be aesthetically pleasing. In fact, during the 19th century, it was fashionable to have the left side of a room appear to be a mirror image of the right side, even to the point of having the same pictures hung on each side. The dining room in George Washington's home in Mt. Vernon is a classic example of this practice. In a similar vein, cars, planes, boats, and trains are usually designed to be bilaterally symmetrical, at least on the outside, with the left side a reverse image of the right. Those few examples which are not, such as Nazi Germany's Blohm & Voss BV 141 aircraft (pictured below), simply look bizarre to most people.

Bundesarchiv, Bild 146-1980-117-01 / Stöcker / CC-BY-SA 3.0 
[CC BY-SA 3.0 de (http://creativecommons.org/licenses/by-sa/3.0/de/deed.en)],
via Wikimedia Commons 

There is an evolutionary reason why the brain seeks symmetry. The bodies of most animals (over 99% of them, in fact) are bilaterally symmetrical. If you are a prey animal, you want your brain wired to alert to bilateral symmetry in order to spot predators as soon as possible. Conversely, if you are a predator, you are similarly motivated to zoom in on a juicy bilaterally symmetrical meal. 

In short, beauty is not in the eye of the beholder--it is instead in his or her DNA.

THE LAVISH SPUD DEPICTION

In 2015, an anonymous businessman paid photographer Kevin Abosch 1,000,000 euros (more than $1,000,000) for a photograph titled Potato #345 (2010). It was in fact a depiction of just a potato, although admittedly the spud was a genuine Irish one and the portrait was elegantly and skillfully rendered.

I do not have permission to display this particular potato pulchritude picture directly in this Factoid; however, for a mere $1000, I will sell you the rights to my photo below, which I have designated as Orange Peel #1 (2024).  Nonetheless, if you would rather see the Abosch 'tater photograph instead, click here.

The ultimate fate of the model for the Abosch photo is unknown, although its prognosis was guarded.

Orange Peel #1 (2024)