CAN MAN LIVE BY BREAD ALONE?

Although a diet comprised solely of flour, salt, and water might keep you alive for a little while, you would soon die of malnutrition--even if you started out in good health and physical condition.

Now, take the exact same ingredients but mix the flour, salt, and some of the water together, let it ferment for a while, and then bake it. You would then be on a bread and water diet which possibly could keep you alive indefinitely. The leavening and baking of the bread dough would unlock a lot of the nutrients and minerals within--probably enough to sustain life.

Of course, you still would not be in the prime of health, as you would not have vitamin C to withstand scurvy and to help heal wounds, vitamin A to avoid night blindness and your eyes from drying out, the same vitamins A and C to assist in fighting infections, vitamin D to prevent rickets and osteoporosis, or enough fat to maintain hair and skin and to produce adequate levels of testosterone to avoid loss of muscle mass.

HARDTACK BREAD--THE STAPLE FOOD FOR
 SOLDIERS AND SAILORS FOR CENTURIES

THE COLUMBIAN PREVARICATIONS

One of the most cherished American heroes, at least when I was a youth, was Christopher Columbus. One of history's most cherished legends, at least when I was a youth, was that all of Europe was gobsmacked, as a result of Columbus's initial voyage, to learn that the world might be round. In reality, it was common knowledge for around two hundred years prior to 1492 that the earth was not flat, that intrepid sailors did not risk sailing off of the edge, and that Columbus's daring plan to sail around the world was daring only because no one exactly knew how large the world was and, as a corollary, whether or not he had enough provisions for the voyage. The source of the misconception (i.e. lie) was the book The Life and Voyages of Christopher Columbus authored by Washington Irving in 1828.

Another such misconception was the common belief that Columbus was the first European to discover America. That honor instead probably goes to Leif Erikkson, who apparently set foot in Canada around the year 1000.

One final facet of Columbus history which was not really discussed when I was in school was his enthusiastic practice of genocide and torture with respect to Native Americans. Adolf Eichmann could have picked up quite a few pointers from this guy. 

Columbus had initially been looking for a better trade route to the far east. However, on his first landing in the New World, he encountered the Lucayan natives from what is currently known as the Bahamas. Columbus described these people as healthy, generous, and hospitable. They freely gave the Europeans anything they wanted and rescued the Santa Maria, saving both the cargo and crew. Unfortunately for the Lucayans, they sported gold earrings. Suddenly, Columbus's obsession for a better trade route was subsumed by a lust for the yellow metal.

Columbus took twenty-five Lucayans back with him to Spain--seven survived the voyage. Upon reporting to his royal sponsors of the potential wealth which could be found in what would later be called America, Columbus was outfitted with seventeen ships, 1,500 men, and literally boatloads of weapons. He thereupon demanded from the natives food, gold, and access to their young women for sexual slavery. And, by young, we are referring to very young. Columbus observed that girls of ages nine or ten could be used as currency, and he often provided them to his officers as a reward.

The natives did not accede to his demands, and Columbus captured some, ordered that their noses and ears be cut off, and released them to return to their villages as an example of what happens to anyone who resisted the Europeans. Eventually, the natives rebelled, and Columbus and his troops quickly quashed the revolt with their superior weapons. In order to alleviate the boredom of genocide, the troops enjoyed siccing their hunting dogs to feed upon any fallen but still living Lucayan warriors.

Columbus returned to Spain sans gold but with a cargo of 500 Lucayans to be sold as slaves. Two hundred of them survived the voyage. Another 500 were enslaved by Columbus's men who remained in the New World and forced to perform arduous tasks, including carrying the Europeans around on the slaves' backs. Other fun activities imposed upon the natives included evisceration, live burial, crushing by horses, or having their babies roasted on spits.

Columbus still had his eye on gold. He implemented a system where each native was required to bring in a certain amount of the precious metal. Once the native met his allotment, he was given a copper disc to wear around his neck which essentially exempted him from further gold collection for a specific period of time. If a native was apprehended with an expired disc or no disc at all, his taskmasters would cut off his hands and require him to wear them around his neck instead.

So, why is Columbus honored by a federal holiday in the United States and put on the same pedestal as folks like Abraham Lincoln and Martin Luther King, Jr.? The slavish devotion to Columbus did not originate with Washington Irving's 1828 publication. Columbia, named after Columbus, was used as a personification of America in a British publication in 1738 and since then has been adopted as the name of cities, a record company, a space shuttle, a university, the capitol of the United States, and numerous other applications. Columbus was the first subject of a commemorative postage stamp issued by the USA and was the inspiration for the World's Columbian Expedition in Chicago in 1892-1893. Also in 1892, President Benjamin Harrison established Columbus Day as a rebuttal to the lynching of eleven Italian-Americans the prior year. Columbus's placement on the pantheon of official federal holidays started as a day of  national observance in 1934, after the Knights of Columbus sought recognition for Columbus as a Catholic who could serve a role model for kids. It achieved full federal holiday status, where mail is not delivered and federal offices are closed, three years later.

Notwithstanding the foregoing, however, various state and local governments since 1977 have dumped Columbus and are celebrating instead Indigenous Peoples' Day.

TRAPPED WITH NO PLACE TO GO

On April 9, 1940, Adolf Hitler, with the assistance of traitor Vidkun Quisling, invaded and occupied Norway with a minimum amount of fuss and effort. Unlike Quisling, the majority of Norwegians did not approve of becoming Nazi puppets, and many actively participated in the Resistance movement against the Germans.

Most Norwegians who lived on the coast (which were a lot) were involved in the sardine industry--either in fishing for the product or preparing it for market. Norwegians relied on the fish as a basic foodstuff, as Norway is not known for its vast herds of beef cattle or acres of orange groves. Consequently, the Norwegian people were less than happy when the Quisling government agreed to process and can the entire year's catch of sardines and turn it over to the Germans for use by the Nazi submarine fleet to feed its crews.

The sardines were to be packed in oil. The Norwegians decided to alter the standard recipe slightly by substituting croton oil instead of the usual vegetable oil. The croton oil was smuggled in courtesy of British intelligence to every sardine cannery in Norway. Did I mention that croton oil is a very, very powerful laxative?

Envision now the life aboard a typical WWII German submarine. There were approximately fifty crew members stuffed in a metal tube without ventilation for three weeks to six months. There were no laundry facilities. Each crew member started the voyage with the clothes on his back and one change of underwear and socks. There were no showers or shaving. High temperatures and high humidity quickly led to mold growing abundantly on food, clothing, and bedding--and sometimes skin. The air, what little there was of it, reeked of unwashed bodies, diesel fumes, and decay. There was a maximum of two toilets, but one would be stuffed with food, as space was at a premium, and this potty would not be available until the food inside was consumed (yummy). The limited space also required that hot-bunking be practiced, which means that when one sailor was on duty, some other sailor would be using his bunk for sleeping.  

This sailor most likely did not rest well, as he would no doubt be contemplating the fact that U-boat crews had the highest casualty rate of any service in WWII, and he would probably be wondering how he would die. Perhaps he would be engulfed in burning fuel. Maybe he would be far below the surface when depth charges breached the hull and tons of water at high pressure crushed him into a little ball of grease. Maybe salt water would come into contact with the batteries and create chlorine fumes, turning his lungs into Jello. Or, perhaps worst of all, his boat might sink with him trapped in a sealed compartment while he suffocated  over a period of hours or days as the oxygen was slowly consumed.

Now, add to this angst the revenge of the Norwegian fishing industry. There are now included in the above equation approximately fifty crew members with violent, explosive diarrhea--all at the same time. There is probably available only one cramped toilet--a toilet, by the way, which could not be emptied simply by depressing a handle but instead had to be pumped out by hand through a complicated series of steps and valves to eject its contents into the sea (if done incorrectly, which often happened with a novice crewman, the dreaded phenomenon known as "back-flush" or "the U-boat baptism" would occur). If each crew member had to obtain relief every fifteen minutes, each crew member had eighteen seconds to go, clean up, and empty the toilet. Add to this equation the fact that because of the noise it produced, the toilet could not be used at all in the presence of the enemy. Finally, consider that toilet paper was in limited supply. The end results were massive "accidents" throughout the boat and a crew who had to use clothing and bunks soiled with evidence of those accidents for weeks or months without relief.

If you want to learn more about the joys of being on a U-boat, try this link.

THE FIRST PRESIDENT OF THE UNITED STATES

John Hanson was unanimously  chosen as the first President of the United States when it officially became a country in 1781. He had his plate full as soon as he took office.  Hanson had to avert a potential insurrection by the soldiers who had served in the Revolutionary War, who were displeased by the fact that they had not been paid and that the new government had no money. He got rid of all foreign troops on American soil. He declared that the fourth Thursday of each November would be Thanksgiving. He formed the Treasury Department, War Department, and State Department (called then the "Foreign Affairs Department"). He established the Great Seal of the United States. And he did all of this in one year.

That George Washington dude? He actually was the eighth President, serving after Hanson, Elias Boudinot, Thomas Mifflin, Richard Henry Lee, Nathan Gorman, Arthur St. Clair, and Cyrus Griffin. Yeah, sure, Washington may have been the first President elected under the Constitution while his seven predecessors took office while the country was operating under the Articles of Confederation, but the fact remains that he was still merely the eighth President of the United States.

WHY WE LIKE SYMMETRY

Many, if not most, humans find symmetry to be aesthetically pleasing. In fact, during the 19th century, it was fashionable to have the left side of a room appear to be a mirror image of the right side, even to the point of having the same pictures hung on each side. The dining room in George Washington's home in Mt. Vernon is a classic example of this practice. In a similar vein, cars, planes, boats, and trains are usually designed to be bilaterally symmetrical, at least on the outside, with the left side a reverse image of the right. Those few examples which are not, such as Nazi Germany's Blohm & Voss BV 141 aircraft (pictured below), simply look bizarre to most people.

Bundesarchiv, Bild 146-1980-117-01 / Stöcker / CC-BY-SA 3.0 
[CC BY-SA 3.0 de (http://creativecommons.org/licenses/by-sa/3.0/de/deed.en)],
via Wikimedia Commons 

There is an evolutionary reason why the brain seeks symmetry. The bodies of most animals (over 99% of them, in fact) are bilaterally symmetrical. If you are a prey animal, you want your brain wired to alert to bilateral symmetry in order to spot predators as soon as possible. Conversely, if you are a predator, you are similarly motivated to zoom in on a juicy bilaterally symmetrical meal. 

In short, beauty is not in the eye of the beholder--it is instead in his or her DNA.

THE LAVISH SPUD DEPICTION

In 2015, an anonymous businessman paid photographer Kevin Abosch 1,000,000 euros (more than $1,000,000) for a photograph titled Potato #345 (2010). It was in fact a depiction of just a potato, although admittedly the spud was a genuine Irish one and the portrait was elegantly and skillfully rendered.

I do not have permission to display this particular potato pulchritude picture directly in this Factoid; however, for a mere $1000, I will sell you the rights to my photo below, which I have designated as Orange Peel #1 (2024).  Nonetheless, if you would rather see the Abosch 'tater photograph instead, click here.

The ultimate fate of the model for the Abosch photo is unknown, although its prognosis was guarded.

Orange Peel #1 (2024)

MRS. CROUCH'S REMARKABLE SHOWER

It was a bright, sunshiney day on March 3, 1876 in Bath County, Kentucky. The sky was perfectly clear. Mrs. Crouch was making soap in her back yard. Suddenly, all around her, flakes fell into the yard.

These were not your ordinary snowflakes. For one thing, they were large--from two to four inches on a side. For another, they were not composed of ice. Instead, they appeared to be hunks of meat. Fresh meat, at that. Two unidentified men (and brave ones at that) sampled the chunks and indicated that they were "gamey" like venison or mutton.

Learned guys were curious about the phenomenon and investigated. Leopold Brandeis (whoever that was) claimed that it was merely bacterial growths that quickly formed on the ground in the presence of rain. Gainsayers pointed out that there was no rain and that witnesses saw the flakes fall from the sky.

Examination of the materials by histologists revealed both lung tissue and muscle fibers.

Finally, Dr. L.D. Kastenbine, MD, Professor of Chemistry at Louisville College of  Pharmacy, with the assistance of a grizzled old Ohio farmer (well, we don't know for sure that he was grizzled, but most old farmers back then were) came up with a conclusion consistent with the facts. The area in question was populated by turkey vultures and black vultures--both who can fly so high that they cannot be spotted from the ground with the naked eye. These species have a tendency to engage in projectile vomiting (considering what they eat, who can blame them). They are also sympathetic pukers, where if one vulture vomits, all of his companions will do so otherwise. Although the sands of time have erased the original provocation for the first vulture's gastric distress, it appears likely that the infamous Kentucky meat shower was because of a bunch of bulimic buzzards of Bath.

To read Dr. Kastenbine's learned treatise on this issue, click here.

DID T-REXES NEED GLASSES?

Fans of the 1993 film Jurassic Park (and it is hard to conceive of anyone who wouldn't be a fan) will recall the unease suffered by those characters who were present when the Tyrannosaurus rex escaped from its paddock. In that scene, paleontologist Dr. Alan Grant recommends that everyone freeze for the reason that a T-Rex could only detect motion and not still objects (frogs and toads today pretty much operate under the same constraints).

About the same time that the movie was being released, University of Oregon professor Dr. Kent Stevens performed various experiments to determine the visual acuity of a Tyrannosaur. Only mildly inconvenienced by the fact that the dinosaur had been extinct for about 65 million years, Stevens used various computer projections, models of skulls, trigonometry, and extrapolations from what living creatures could see to make an estimate on the veracity of Dr. Grant's assertion.

Dr. Grant apparently got it wrong. Using best-case projections, the T-Rex had a binocular range and depth perception even better than modern hawks and would have easily been able to distinguish various objects--moving or not. This carnosaur could have had visual clarity 13 times as good as a human (an eagle has visual clarity only 3.6 times as good as a person). The T-Rex could clearly view an object 6 kilometers away, while a human could not do so for the same object past 1.6 kilometers. In other words, the recommendation of Dr. Grant that humans standing in front of a Tyrannosaurus should merely freeze is about as reliable as the promises of a U.S. Presidential candidate in an election year.

The T-Rex also probably had a sense of smell as acute as a turkey vulture, which can sniff dinner from a couple of kilometers away. The giant reptile could also probably run between 15 to 25 MPH (24 to 40 KPH).

In short, if you are with other folks in the presence of a unfettered Tyrannosaurus rex and you do not have with you a S&W Model 500 revolver, you should all take off in totally different directions in the hope that at least one of you will have time to hide while the creature is masticating upon your companions. You should probably also not follow the example of Claire in Jurassic World (a 2016 sequel to the original 1993 movie), who intentionally released a Tyrannosaurus so that it could chase her on foot for a quarter of a mile to an area where it would hopefully encounter and battle the "bad" dinosaur which was the chief reptilian antagonist in the film.

For more information on Dr. Stevens's work, click on the Today I Found Out website here.

THE UGLIEST WARSHIP EVER BUILT

Boats are long and skinny for a good reason--the streamlined shape facilitates them getting from one place to another. This basic design premise was lost on Russian marine architect A. A. Popov, who decided that the perfect shape for his new design of an ironclad vessel was a circle about a hundred feet in diameter--in essence, a huge, shallow dish with guns mounted on it. It has been described as "the ugliest warship ever built."

Popov's rationale was that such a configuration would provide an extremely stable platform for heavy guns and would further allow the boat to function in shallow waters.

The Russian Navy bought his idea, and as a result, in 1874, they constructed the first "Popoffka" (named after its designer) class of warship--the Novgorod (a photo of a model of this vessel can be found below). It was launched into the Black Sea, where it was intended to dominate the Turkish Navy. For awhile, it did, as the Turks had no ironclads in the area. Later, the Novgorod, and a larger Popoffka, the Rear Admiral Popov, were incorporated into the Danube flotilla during the Russo-Turkish War of 1877-1878, where their huge design flaws become apparent. They had to be towed from one area to the next, as their propellers were inadequate for the task of moving the boat in a straight line. The slightest choppiness in the water would cause profound pitching and seriously seasick seamen. The steering was very sluggish and ineffective, and it took 45 minutes to turn the ship around. Initially, when the vessel fired its guns, the centrifugal force would spin it around in a circle; however, later modifications ameliorated this particular problem.

A disgruntled Russian Navy decommissioned the ships in 1903.  They were used as storage facilities for awhile until they were scrapped in 1911 or 1912.

By Netmate (Own work) [CC BY-SA 3.0
(http://creativecommons.org/licenses/by-sa/3.0)],
 via Wikimedia Commons

SPECIAL DE-LIVER-EAT

Copyright Regency Enterprises

Viewers of the film The Revenant were treated with the image of Leo DiCaprio wolfing down raw bison liver--real raw bison liver, not some gelatin-based stage concoction which merely looked like raw bison liver. Now, I have enjoyed cooked beef liver on many occasions, but I am not all that enthused about the prospect of eating raw out of a wild animal the organ which served as a sponge for all of the toxins in its bloodstream. Maybe I would do so in order to receive millions of dollars like DiCaprio or to avoid starving like DiCaprio's character in the movie, but just for general snacking? Uh uh.

Apparently, however, not everyone shares my disdain. The Fort restaurant in Morrison, Colorado, is renowned for its authentic western fair and atmosphere. In tribute to The Revenant, it had following the release of the movie a month-long special featuring a platter containing bison sausage, bison Rocky Mountain oysters (i.e. bison testicles), bison tongue on crostini, guacamole, and--bison liver. The liver was available raw, although wimps could order it cooked to medium rare.

The meal served four and was thirty dollars, so you couldn't have complained too much about the price.

Let's just hope that the restaurant does not decide one day to do a similar tribute to The Donner Party.

THE JOY OF LUTEFISK

By Jonathunder (Own work) [CC BY-SA 3.0 (http://creativecommons.org/licenses/by-sa/3.0)
 or GFDL (http://www.gnu.org/copyleft/fdl.html)], via Wikimedia Commons

Lutefisk is pickled cod which originated in Scandinavia. Unfortunately, people who are the descendants of Vikings have a very perverse idea of what constitutes a good pickling agent. Instead of relying on normal edible substances like vinegar or alcohol, they instead soak the fish in lye. If you like the buzz you get from drinking Drano*, then this is the delicacy for you.

Lye of course is an extremely caustic base and will, through the process of saponification, dissolve all of the fatty tissues out of flesh and turn them into soap. In a best case situation, the fish will taste like Lifebuoy; if the preparer screws up the recipe even slightly, it will be your digestive tract which is transformed into soap.

You cannot use silver utensils to eat lutefisk, as they will dissolve. It is safest to serve it on stainless steel; however, almost any dish will be etched and ruined if the lutefisk residue is not immediately scrubbed off.

To read more about this bizarre foodstuff, click on the Smithsonian Magazine site here.

*Unfortunately, in today's litigious society, I have to warn you in an affirmative matter actually not to drink Drano. It will, of course, cause a hideous and extremely painful death.

GETTING A HEAD IN TELEVISION

HBO's highly popular (and deservedly so) series Game of Thrones was a drama about political machinations set in a fantasy medieval type of world. On rare occasions, the writers used isolated acts of violence associated with this type of society in order to move the plot along.

One such example of violence is portrayed in the last episode of the first season, where an evil youthful king displays to his reluctant fiancée the heads of his enemies (including that of his fiancée's father) mounted on pikes. One of the severed heads is that of George W. Bush with long hair.

The producers of the show, Dave Benioff and D. B. Weiss, freely acknowledged that it is in fact Bush's head (or more accurately, I hope, a wax replica of it). They stated in 2012 that, "The last head on the left is George Bush. George Bush's head appears in a couple of beheading scenes.  It's not a choice, it's not a political statement. We just had to use whatever head we had lying around."

One might believe that HBO, in light of the hundreds of millions of dollars it had dropped in making a very lavish production filmed in various exotic spots of the world, could have afforded to prepare a fake head of a generic person rather then using "whatever head we had lying around." One could legitimately be curious about why there would be a head of Bush lying around in the first place.  Could it be that this is rather (gasp) a sight gag in arguably poor taste promulgated by a couple of Hollywood liberals for the amusement of all of their fellow Hollywood liberals?

I myself am not offended, as I am a crass connoisseur of poor taste.  I in fact found these antics amusing. However, I do suspect that if a Hollywood conservative producer (presuming that such an animal would ever exist) featured a severed head of Barack Obama in similar circumstances, the sanctimonious screams of horror from the media would be enough to make the welkin ring.

HBO has altered the image in all future releases of this episode to represent a generic non-specific medieval decapitee.

The head appears briefly at the 0:37 time stamp on this video link. 

Embed from Getty Images

THE UNREPENTANT SAFECRACKER

The Christ Church Burial Ground in Philadelphia is an old hoary cemetery, full of weathered marble tombstones, with a substantial number of them eroded to illegibility. Many of them are over two centuries old. The graveyard includes as its occupants several military heroes and five signers of the Declaration of Independence--Benjamin Franklin being one of them.

In the middle of this solemn aura of antiquity is the discordant note of a shiny modern granite headstone engraved "GERALD J. CONNELLY JR... SON OF ANNIE LAURIE WEBB OF VIRGINIA... SEAMAN... SOLDIER... SAFECRACKER... DEC. 5, 1927 -- AUG. 21, 1991". Also included on the stone are sigils representing each of the three occupations listed.

How did this modern person of possibly questionable virtue come to share eternity near some of the most iconic historical figures of America? 

Well, you should know, first of all, that although Connelly was an extremely competent safecracker, he plied his trade for good, not evil. He was a renowned locksmith who advised the government on security issues and opened up the safes of scalawags after they had been seized for evidence in criminal investigations. He also served in the Merchant Marine and was an infantryman in WWII and the Korean War. 

The second thing you should know is that Connelly served on the Christ Church board of directors and was able to research records contained therein dating back to 1695. He was thus able to discover that there was a two person plot still available in the cemetery, which he acquired for use by himself and his wife.

Third, you should know that Connelly had a sense of humor. He wore a coat and tie to the church meetings but included a Mickey Mouse label pin as part of his sartorial elegance. He requested that he be buried in a tuxedo and cowboy hat with a pack of Kent cigarettes while holding a Bible in his right hand. As a final departing gesture, he dictated what he wanted on his tombstone.

For more info about Connelley's grave situation, click here.

WHEN AMERICA'S INDUSTRIAL MIGHT WAS AWESOME

View image | gettyimages.com

During World War II, Ford's huge Willow Run plant located at the eastern edge of Washtenaw County, Michigan, produced one B-24 bomber every 55 minutes. Each bomber had over 1,550,000 parts, which meant, on the average, each component was manufactured and installed in 1/400th of a second. It was the largest indoor factory in the world with 3,500,000 square feet and an assembly line over a mile long. The assembly line at one point made a 90 degree turn, which kept the factory entirely in Washtenaw County and thus not subject to the additional taxes it would have had to pay had the line run straight and entered into neighboring Wayne County.

Included in the employee pool were ten midgets recruited from circuses in order to access those hard to get to places on the planes.

For additional information on Willow Run, please click here.

CARROTS AND SHOOTING DOWN GERMANS

View image | gettyimages.com

Notwithstanding any assertions by Bugs Bunny to the contrary, eating a lot of carrots will not give you superior night vision or better eyesight in general. That concept was a ruse promoted by the RAF during World War II after the British had developed Airborne Interception Radar which enabled fighter pilots at night to achieve great accuracy in shooting down the Luftwaffe. In order to conceal the successful use of radar on their fighter planes, the British leaked information that the sharpshooting pilots had developed superhuman night vision through excessive carrot consumption.

It is unlikely that the Germans completely bought the story. They, after all, were equipping their own night fighter aircraft with radar.

Carrots do contain beta carotene, which is used by the body to produce Vitamin A, and a severe loss of Vitamin A can cause blindness. However, the average American diet contains enough Vitamin A that consuming additional carrots will have no effect on vision.