AN EMPTY CONTAINER MAKES THE LOUDEST SOUND--THE SAGA OF THE LOVESICK HOWLER MONKEY

                                   

Steve from washington, dc, usa, CC BY-SA 2.0 <https://creativecommons.org/licenses/by-sa/2.0>, via Wikimedia Commons

The loudest noise in the world naturally produced from a land animal is not the trumpeting of an elephant or the roar of a lion--it is instead the call of the male aptly-named howler monkey of Central and South America. The volume of sound produced by a single monkey can achieve 140 decibels--right up there with that of a jet engine and even louder than the crack of a .22 rifle.

As you may suspect, boy monkeys howl for the same reasons that some human males sit around and rev their motorcycle engines--to announce to the immediate world that they are brimming over with testosterone and virility and are eager to couple with a compliant female. Male howler monkeys with the largest hyoid bones in their throats produce the loudest volumes of calls and have the best luck getting the girls.

Ironically, however, these big hyoid-boned calls constitute false advertising. Researchers have discovered that the individual howler monkeys with the quieter voices actually have larger testes than their loud-mouthed associates. What happens is that the loud monkey generally assembles a harem of females who service only him, and there is no evolutionary benefit for him to be able to produce huge quantities of sperm in order to be able to fertilize a mate. The quieter monkeys, however, tend to live in colonies with other males and females. The females in this situation are promiscuous, and a male monkey who has big balls which can provide an elevated sperm count enjoys improved odds that one of his spermatazoa will the be lucky one to reach the egg ahead of the seed of his rival suitors.

Well, what about our human motorcycle exhibitionist? Is his sexual equipment substandard? Well...

THE CROSSWORD PUZZLE SNAFU

Public Domain

On August 19, 1942, over 6,000 Allied troops, primarily Canadian, invaded the French coastal town of Dieppe. The attack was a total disaster, as the Germans had been forewarned, and the Canadians suffered over 60% casualties before they were able to retreat. Allied intelligence officers were shocked to discover that one of the answers in the August 17, 1942 crossword puzzle of the London Daily Telegraph was “DIEPPE.” The authorities descended on the offices of the Daily Telegraph and, after intensive interrogation, concluded that the inclusion of the term was a coincidence and that the crossword puzzle was not the source of information upon which the Nazis had relied.

Fast forward to the spring of 1944. The same newspaper had in the crossword puzzle the terms “JUNO,” “SWORD,” and “GOLD”--all code names for specific landing sites of the upcoming D-Day invasion. British Secret Service MI5 agents realized that these were all potentially legitimate answers for a crossword and did nothing other than to keep an eye on the situation. When the remaining two invasion sites (“UTAH” and “OMAHA”) appeared in the puzzle on May 3, 1944 and May 22, 1944, respectively, MI5 began to get really concerned. Finally, when the crossword puzzle yielded the code name of the entire operation (“OVERLORD”) on May 27, the code name for the floating harbors “MULBERRY”) on May 30, and the code name for the naval phase of the invasion (“NEPTUNE”) on June 1, the British Secret Service, quite understandably, freaked out.

MI5 agents located Leonard Dawe, the author of the crossword puzzles, in the town of Leatherhead and were all over him like scum on a pond. After a vigorous exchange of ideas and intense sharing of feelings, Dawe was able to convince the agents that he was not sending information to the Germans.

Nonetheless, the inclusion of the D-Day terms was, in fact, not a coincidence. Dawe's day job, when he was not writing crosswords for the London Daily Telegraph, was that of Headmaster of Strand School, which had been evacuated to the Surrey village of Effingham after the Blitz commenced. Dawe routinely asked his students to provide words to put into the puzzles, and Dawe would then write the clues. A couple of Dawe's charges enjoyed spending their free time in the company of American soldiers who were bivouacked nearby waiting for the invasion. In 1984, these students revealed that they had heard the Americans freely throw around the code words, which students then repeated to Dawe, who had no idea of their ultimate source.

While the American troops should have been more circumspect about using the code phrases, there is a reason, after all, why the terms were in code in the first place. Had the soldiers, for example, uttered the term “Normandy Invasion” instead of “Operation Overlord,” that could have been very bad.

THE EXPENSE OF EXTREMITY EXPRESSION

Thomas Gainsborough, Public domain, via Wikimedia Commons

Popular legend has it that the phrase "costs an arm and a leg" (in reference to a very expensive item) originated with pre-photography portrait artists. The artists purportedly would charge a base amount for a head and shoulders painting and would then add more sums for each additional limb which was included in the picture. The highest price would be charged for a standing subject who had both arms and legs visible.

In reality, however, most etymologists believe that the phrase is of much more recent origin, has nothing to do with portraits, and did not first appear in print until the late 1940s or early 1950s.

Well, what was the origin of the expression then? No one knows for sure. As early as the 1700s, people were saying things like "I would give my right arm for that," and perhaps the phrase in question is merely an expansion of that earlier sentiment. It has also been suggested that the saying evolved from the carnage of World War I, where soldiers dearly paid for each inch of real estate with the loss of their limbs if not their lives. On the other hand (or foot), sacrificing extremities in battle is nothing new and certainly was a regular feature of conflicts for thousands of years, and there is no particular reason to assume that The Great War was the pivotal event which led to the birth of the expression.

THE TRUCK ROOM

Ford's F-Series pickups have been the best selling truck in the USA for over 45 years and the best selling vehicle--car or truck--in the USA for over 40 years. Ford has a powerful interest in maintaining this popularity. As a consequence, it created the "Truck Room" for its marketing and promotion staff.

The Truck Room is a secret hideaway in Detroit where these individuals can sit down and bond in the midst of manly artifacts sacred to truckers such as lariats, cowboy boots and hats, a duck decoy, Rapala fishing lures, a fish landing net, a T-shirt imprinted with "Big Big Daddy," dirty work gloves, a canoe paddle, and Pabst Blue Ribbon beer. There are strict rules of decorum, and anyone wearing a pink shirt or carrying any foo-foo elitist beverage which Frasier Crane would be comfortable drinking is barred from entry. Any individual who speaks with obtuse polysyllabic phraseology (such as by uttering "obtuse polysyllabic phraseology") while within the room is immediately fined a dollar.

The purpose of the room is to make the staff feel like they are in a place like Texas so that they will come up with effective "experimental marketing" ideas promoting Ford trucks. One example of such an idea was the reality show Dirty Jobs, which shows hard-working folks using Ford trucks to accomplish necessary but noisome tasks, such as hauling hog manure, sheep carcasses, or other offal stuff.

The story of the Truck Room is one of many revealing insights into the history of the automobile industry in general, as well as of specific groundbreaking vehicles, which can be found in Paul Ingrassia's excellent book Engines of Change. You might call it the ultimate auto-biography.

"WHERE'S THE BEEF" AND "MAFIA BEHAVIOR"

MALE BROWN-HEADED COWBIRD 
(THE FEMALE IS ALL BROWN)

The brown-headed cowbird (Molothrus ater) of North America was not so named because it bore any resemblance to a moo-cow or because it was udderly fascinating. Instead, the bovine-related sobriquet was bestowed upon it because it enjoys following cattle, bison, and other large critters around and feasting upon the insects stirred up by the herd. 

Stalking a bunch of ungulates can result in you having a lousy home life if you are a bird. It is hard to raise a passel of young'uns in a nest if your food source has wandered off twenty miles away. In order to get around this predicament, cowbirds have evolved to be brood parasites. In other words, they allow other species of birds to take care of their eggs and fledglings. 

The female cowbird usually just lays one of her many eggs in each host's nest. In case the host bird knows how to count, mama cowbird will also usually remove one of the host's eggs so that the total number of eggs remains the same. 

The host mother bird will feed the cowbird young along with her own. However, the cowbird usually hatches and starts growing prior to its step-siblings and will thus have an advantage competing for food from the mother. If there is enough victuals for everyone, the young cowbird will allow its nestmates to dine; however, if resources are scarce, it will smother the other hatchlings or push them out of the nest. 

The brown-headed cowbird species is known to parasitize over 221 other types of birds. However, a specific mother cowbird will usually lay her eggs in the nests of the same species of bird which raised her. The coloration and appearance of cowbird eggs matches those of many host species. 

Before Ms. Cowbird hits the cattle trail again, she will often check back on each host nest where she left an egg. If the host mother has not molested the egg and it is still there, the mother cowbird will happily go on her way. However, if the host mother has detected that the egg is not hers and has removed or destroyed it, mama cowbird may do the avian equivalent of going medieval with a blowtorch and pliers and destroy the host's nest, eggs, and fledglings. This reaction is called by ornithologists "Mafia behavior," and learned guys (not to be confused with "wise guys") believe that Mafia behavior is an evolutionary trick which removes potentially non-cooperative hosts from the gene pool and encourages the natural selection of wimpy hosts who will do whatever the cowbird wants. 

Our friends in Europe should not feel jealous by virtue of the fact that they do not dwell in the presence of brown-headed cowbirds. They have their own version of brood parasites in the form of various species of cuckoos.

THE SCHIZOPHRENIC SOUTH ARKANSAS VINE RIPE PINK TOMATO

By Taken by fir0002 | flagstaffotos.com.au Canon 20D +
Sigma 150mm f/2.8 (Own work)
 [GFDL 1.2 (http://www.gnu.org/licenses/old-licenses/fdl-1.2.html)],
 via Wikimedia Commons

The official state fruit of Arkansas is the South Arkansas vine ripe pink tomato.

The official state vegetable of Arkansas is the South Arkansas vine ripe pink tomato.

Well, which is it? The South Arkansas vine ripe pink tomato cannot be both a fruit and vegetable, can it?

Yes it can. Botanically, a tomato is a fruit, as it is the fleshy thingie on the tomato plant which holds the seeds. However, according to the U.S. Supreme Court, a tomato is a vegetable. In one of its many decisions where the Court chose to ignore reality in order to achieve a desired result, it determined in 1893 that a tomato was usually not served as a dessert like many fruits were. Therefore, according to the Court, notwithstanding the scientific evidence to the contrary, the tomato was thus a vegetable and subject to a ten percent tariff on vegetable imports.

PRIVY COUNSEL

Why does an outhouse usually have a a crescent moon cut into it? No doubt this question has perplexed great minds everywhere.

The most often touted theory is that the crescent moon arose in American colonial times when many folks were not literate and could not read "MEN" or "WOMEN." The outhouse for males would instead be designated by a sun or star and the one for females by a moon (in tribute to the goddess Luna, who was, of course, female). 

If so, then why are there so many more outhouses with moons than stars or suns? Purportedly, because males were uncouth pigs who did not properly take care of their facilities, which would then decay and collapse, while the women kept their buildings clean and maintained in prime condition.

Skeptics, on the other hand, believe that the lunar symbol was mainly a device used by cartoonists in the 1930s and was incorporated into huge numbers of outhouses built by the WPA (Works Progress Administration). They further believe that the lunar outlines on outhouses currently in use are largely a result of a self-fulfilling prophesy, where the builders mimic what the cartoonists have put in their outhouse drawings for decades. In addition, lunar patterns are relatively easy to cut. The skeptics may also question the very premise of the ubiquitousness of the crescent moon as a design by pointing out that many outhouses in the field have other devices cut into them such as hearts, simple geometric patterns, or, yes, even stars. Sometimes, they even have normal windows.

Why cut a design into the outhouse at all? You could argue that trying to beautify a feces shack is like putting lipstick on a sow. The design actually does serve more than one function. First of all, it provides highly-desirable ventilation. Second, it lets daylight in to illuminate activities which are best not undertaken in total darkness--be it reading the Sears catalog or doing something else. Third, on your basic no-frills outhouse without a doorknob, a pattern cut into the door provides the user with something to grasp in order to close and open the door. And, finally, it clearly advertises the function of the shack so that a visitor to the property with a sudden and extreme biological urge will know where to go and not waste valuable time by being misled by the presence of a nearby toolshed or other similar structure.

And, on a side note, there are in fact legitimate two-story outhouses, as represented by the lower photo. Despite appearances and gag post cards to the contrary, the occupant on the bottom is actually not at risk, as the products from the second-story user are channeled by a chute into an appropriate location.

                                          

By Appraiser (self-made Photo by William Wesen) 

[GFDL (http://www.gnu.org/copyleft/fdl.html) via Wikimedia Commons