THE UGLIEST WARSHIP EVER BUILT

Boats are long and skinny for a good reason--the streamlined shape facilitates them getting from one place to another. This basic design premise was lost on Russian marine architect A. A. Popov, who decided that the perfect shape for his new design of an ironclad vessel was a circle about a hundred feet in diameter--in essence, a huge, shallow dish with guns mounted on it. It has been described as "the ugliest warship ever built."

Popov's rationale was that such a configuration would provide an extremely stable platform for heavy guns and would further allow the boat to function in shallow waters.

The Russian Navy bought his idea, and as a result, in 1874, they constructed the first "Popoffka" (named after its designer) class of warship--the Novgorod (a photo of a model of this vessel can be found below). It was launched into the Black Sea, where it was intended to dominate the Turkish Navy. For awhile, it did, as the Turks had no ironclads in the area. Later, the Novgorod, and a larger Popoffka, the Rear Admiral Popov, were incorporated into the Danube flotilla during the Russo-Turkish War of 1877-1878, where their huge design flaws become apparent. They had to be towed from one area to the next, as their propellers were inadequate for the task of moving the boat in a straight line. The slightest choppiness in the water would cause profound pitching and seriously seasick seamen. The steering was very sluggish and ineffective, and it took 45 minutes to turn the ship around. Initially, when the vessel fired its guns, the centrifugal force would spin it around in a circle; however, later modifications ameliorated this particular problem.

A disgruntled Russian Navy decommissioned the ships in 1903.  They were used as storage facilities for awhile until they were scrapped in 1911 or 1912.

By Netmate (Own work) [CC BY-SA 3.0
(http://creativecommons.org/licenses/by-sa/3.0)],
 via Wikimedia Commons

SPECIAL DE-LIVER-EAT

Copyright Regency Enterprises

Viewers of the film The Revenant were treated with the image of Leo DiCaprio wolfing down raw bison liver--real raw bison liver, not some gelatin-based stage concoction which merely looked like raw bison liver. Now, I have enjoyed cooked beef liver on many occasions, but I am not all that enthused about the prospect of eating raw out of a wild animal the organ which served as a sponge for all of the toxins in its bloodstream. Maybe I would do so in order to receive millions of dollars like DiCaprio or to avoid starving like DiCaprio's character in the movie, but just for general snacking? Uh uh.

Apparently, however, not everyone shares my disdain. The Fort restaurant in Morrison, Colorado, is renowned for its authentic western fair and atmosphere. In tribute to The Revenant, it had following the release of the movie a month-long special featuring a platter containing bison sausage, bison Rocky Mountain oysters (i.e. bison testicles), bison tongue on crostini, guacamole, and--bison liver. The liver was available raw, although wimps could order it cooked to medium rare.

The meal served four and was thirty dollars, so you couldn't have complained too much about the price.

Let's just hope that the restaurant does not decide one day to do a similar tribute to The Donner Party.

THE JOY OF LUTEFISK

By Jonathunder (Own work) [CC BY-SA 3.0 (http://creativecommons.org/licenses/by-sa/3.0)
 or GFDL (http://www.gnu.org/copyleft/fdl.html)], via Wikimedia Commons

Lutefisk is pickled cod which originated in Scandinavia. Unfortunately, people who are the descendants of Vikings have a very perverse idea of what constitutes a good pickling agent. Instead of relying on normal edible substances like vinegar or alcohol, they instead soak the fish in lye. If you like the buzz you get from drinking Drano*, then this is the delicacy for you.

Lye of course is an extremely caustic base and will, through the process of saponification, dissolve all of the fatty tissues out of flesh and turn them into soap. In a best case situation, the fish will taste like Lifebuoy; if the preparer screws up the recipe even slightly, it will be your digestive tract which is transformed into soap.

You cannot use silver utensils to eat lutefisk, as they will dissolve. It is safest to serve it on stainless steel; however, almost any dish will be etched and ruined if the lutefisk residue is not immediately scrubbed off.

To read more about this bizarre foodstuff, click on the Smithsonian Magazine site here.

*Unfortunately, in today's litigious society, I have to warn you in an affirmative matter actually not to drink Drano. It will, of course, cause a hideous and extremely painful death.

GETTING A HEAD IN TELEVISION

HBO's highly popular (and deservedly so) series Game of Thrones was a drama about political machinations set in a fantasy medieval type of world. On rare occasions, the writers used isolated acts of violence associated with this type of society in order to move the plot along.

One such example of violence is portrayed in the last episode of the first season, where an evil youthful king displays to his reluctant fiancée the heads of his enemies (including that of his fiancée's father) mounted on pikes. One of the severed heads is that of George W. Bush with long hair.

The producers of the show, Dave Benioff and D. B. Weiss, freely acknowledged that it is in fact Bush's head (or more accurately, I hope, a wax replica of it). They stated in 2012 that, "The last head on the left is George Bush. George Bush's head appears in a couple of beheading scenes.  It's not a choice, it's not a political statement. We just had to use whatever head we had lying around."

One might believe that HBO, in light of the hundreds of millions of dollars it had dropped in making a very lavish production filmed in various exotic spots of the world, could have afforded to prepare a fake head of a generic person rather then using "whatever head we had lying around." One could legitimately be curious about why there would be a head of Bush lying around in the first place.  Could it be that this is rather (gasp) a sight gag in arguably poor taste promulgated by a couple of Hollywood liberals for the amusement of all of their fellow Hollywood liberals?

I myself am not offended, as I am a crass connoisseur of poor taste.  I in fact found these antics amusing. However, I do suspect that if a Hollywood conservative producer (presuming that such an animal would ever exist) featured a severed head of Barack Obama in similar circumstances, the sanctimonious screams of horror from the media would be enough to make the welkin ring.

HBO has altered the image in all future releases of this episode to represent a generic non-specific medieval decapitee.

The head appears briefly at the 0:37 time stamp on this video link. 

Embed from Getty Images

THE UNREPENTANT SAFECRACKER

The Christ Church Burial Ground in Philadelphia is an old hoary cemetery, full of weathered marble tombstones, with a substantial number of them eroded to illegibility. Many of them are over two centuries old. The graveyard includes as its occupants several military heroes and five signers of the Declaration of Independence--Benjamin Franklin being one of them.

In the middle of this solemn aura of antiquity is the discordant note of a shiny modern granite headstone engraved "GERALD J. CONNELLY JR... SON OF ANNIE LAURIE WEBB OF VIRGINIA... SEAMAN... SOLDIER... SAFECRACKER... DEC. 5, 1927 -- AUG. 21, 1991". Also included on the stone are sigils representing each of the three occupations listed.

How did this modern person of possibly questionable virtue come to share eternity near some of the most iconic historical figures of America? 

Well, you should know, first of all, that although Connelly was an extremely competent safecracker, he plied his trade for good, not evil. He was a renowned locksmith who advised the government on security issues and opened up the safes of scalawags after they had been seized for evidence in criminal investigations. He also served in the Merchant Marine and was an infantryman in WWII and the Korean War. 

The second thing you should know is that Connelly served on the Christ Church board of directors and was able to research records contained therein dating back to 1695. He was thus able to discover that there was a two person plot still available in the cemetery, which he acquired for use by himself and his wife.

Third, you should know that Connelly had a sense of humor. He wore a coat and tie to the church meetings but included a Mickey Mouse label pin as part of his sartorial elegance. He requested that he be buried in a tuxedo and cowboy hat with a pack of Kent cigarettes while holding a Bible in his right hand. As a final departing gesture, he dictated what he wanted on his tombstone.

For more info about Connelley's grave situation, click here.

WHEN AMERICA'S INDUSTRIAL MIGHT WAS AWESOME

View image | gettyimages.com

During World War II, Ford's huge Willow Run plant located at the eastern edge of Washtenaw County, Michigan, produced one B-24 bomber every 55 minutes. Each bomber had over 1,550,000 parts, which meant, on the average, each component was manufactured and installed in 1/400th of a second. It was the largest indoor factory in the world with 3,500,000 square feet and an assembly line over a mile long. The assembly line at one point made a 90 degree turn, which kept the factory entirely in Washtenaw County and thus not subject to the additional taxes it would have had to pay had the line run straight and entered into neighboring Wayne County.

Included in the employee pool were ten midgets recruited from circuses in order to access those hard to get to places on the planes.

For additional information on Willow Run, please click here.

CARROTS AND SHOOTING DOWN GERMANS

View image | gettyimages.com

Notwithstanding any assertions by Bugs Bunny to the contrary, eating a lot of carrots will not give you superior night vision or better eyesight in general. That concept was a ruse promoted by the RAF during World War II after the British had developed Airborne Interception Radar which enabled fighter pilots at night to achieve great accuracy in shooting down the Luftwaffe. In order to conceal the successful use of radar on their fighter planes, the British leaked information that the sharpshooting pilots had developed superhuman night vision through excessive carrot consumption.

It is unlikely that the Germans completely bought the story. They, after all, were equipping their own night fighter aircraft with radar.

Carrots do contain beta carotene, which is used by the body to produce Vitamin A, and a severe loss of Vitamin A can cause blindness. However, the average American diet contains enough Vitamin A that consuming additional carrots will have no effect on vision.