Monday, August 31, 2015

UNSAFE AT ANY SPEED?

In the late 1950s, Volkswagen beetles were sucking away large numbers of car buyers who relished the VW's much higher gas mileage when compared to heavy American sedans. Chevrolet General Manager Ed Cole responded by coming out with the Corvair in 1960. The Corvair was a revolutionary design and featured an aluminum air-cooled engine in the rear which provided excellent performance and 29 MPG (which was astounding at the time). However, unlike the VW beetle, it was relatively spacious inside and could carry six passengers. 

It had only two minor flaws. First, because of the uneven weight distribution with the engine in the rear, the car was prone to spinning out of control unless the tires were exactly at the correct inflation at all times. It was difficult for the average lazy motorist to constantly monitor his or her tire pressures every time the temperature changed a few degrees, and many owners did not realize that the rear tires had to have substantially higher pressure than the front.

Second, when the car did spin out of control, the crash was often fatal, as there was nothing in the front of the car except the trunk to absorb the impact.

The stability problem could have been reduced considerably with the addition of a simple iron bar bolted to the front of the car, and the original GM test models had this feature. However, GM wanted to save a a dollar or two per unit and eliminated the bar from general production--although it did add the bar a few years later when enough customers were getting killed--including famed comedian Ernie Kovacs.

Ralph Nader, then an unknown young attorney, wrote a book in 1965 called Unsafe at Any Speed. It was not particularly flattering to the Corvair. Nader became an expert witness in lawsuits involving Corvair accidents, and GM started investigating him, which resulted in a privacy invasion lawsuit by Nader against GM (which was settled in 1970 for $425,000, or about $2.5 million in current dollars). 

One major fallout of the Corvair litigation was the acceptance by the courts of a new theory of product liability. Previously, only a defectively manufactured product could engender liability on the part of the maker. After the Corvair suits, the law was expanded to make the manufacturer liable if the product was poorly designed, even if manufactured correctly.

Corvair safety ended up in Senate hearings and the passing of the National Traffic and Motor Vehicle Safety Act in 1966, which further encouraged Congress to pass various other laws regulating other agencies on products ranging from pipelines to X-ray machines to chickens.

Due to plummeting sales resulting from the adverse publicity, GM killed the Corvair in 1969. In 1972, the federal government exonerated GM and declared that there was in fact no abnormal problem with the suspension or handling of the car. 

Ed Cole, disgraced by the whole Corvair experience, nonetheless went on to become President of GM. One of his later contributions was the development of the catalytic converter for pollution control.

In short, Cole's desire to trump VW had several unforeseen consequences:

1. Ralph Nader was elevated to consumer advocate Tsar and he, with his organization of Nader's Raiders, became a gadfly against both governmental entities and corporations. Because of his fame, he ran for President in 2000, sucked up 95,000 votes in Florida (most of which would have gone to Al Gore), and gave the Presidential election to George W. Bush.

2. Lawsuits against corporations increased exponentially as a result of the Corvair cases, including a $2.9 million judgment against McDonald's for brewing its coffee at 180 degrees.

3. Federal bureaucrats, some competent, and some not, now determine options, equipment, and features you must get or cannot get in your new car.

By Greg Gjerdingen from Willmar, USA (64 Chevrolet Corvair Monza)
 [CC BY 2.0 (http://creativecommons.org/licenses/by/2.0)],
 via Wikimedia Commons



Saturday, August 29, 2015

DISNEY CATS

Since 1955, there have been large numbers of feral cats living at Disneyland. Accounts differ on whether or not the felines were intentionally introduced there at first or were mere trespassers, but there are now about 200+ of them who enjoy the park. Voluntary animal protection groups spay and neuter the adults and put any kittens discovered up for adoption on the outside. The resident cats sleep away the day in numerous kitty condos hidden among the attractions and come out at night and early morning to feast on rats, discarded food scraps, or real cat food at one of five feeding stations.

Friday, August 28, 2015

THANK SANTA FOR YOUR "JUICY FRUIT"

General Santa Anna of Mexico, as everyone knows, was the military leader who killed all 189 defenders at the Alamo in 1836 and who massacred more than 342 Texas prisoners three weeks later at Goliad. He was defeated about a month after that at the Battle of San Jacinto by Samuel Houston.

Fast forward to 1869. Santa Anna was living at Staten Island, New York. He needed money to raise another army in Mexico and, in order to do so, persuaded American inventor Thomas Adams (who was also his secretary) to purchase a ton of Mexican chicle (made from the sap of the sapodilla tree) from him. Adams intended to use the chicle to make a substitute for rubber (which was every expensive at the time), but he did not succeed.

Thomas and his son, Horatio, observed that Santa Anna liked to masticate balls of chicle--as did the ancient Mayans. The Adams family decided to see if chicle could be sold as a chewable product. Their initial test run of 200 balls sold out immediately at a drug store, and they established the first chewing gum company in 1871. They made delightful products such as Tutti-Frutti, Black Jack, and Chiclets and were the premier chewing gum outfit in the world until some guy named Wrigley came along.

Now, why was Santa Anna living in Staten Island? That is a story for a different day.

Thursday, August 27, 2015

SITCOM NAIVETE

Due both to the relative novelty of TV sitcoms in 1951 and the fact that Lucille Ball was married in real life to Desi Arnaz, many early viewers of I Love Lucy thought that the show was a reality series where a camera crew followed Lucy around and filmed her real-life adventures of stomping grapes, working in a chocolate candy factory, turning her apartment into an armed fort to defend against suspicious-behaving neighbors, etc.

Tuesday, August 25, 2015

AIR FORCE BEARS DO NOT GET TO DO ANYTHING IN THE WOODS

During the 1950s, the fastest bomber around was the B-58 Hustler, which could travel twice the speed of sound. Pilots at that velocity could not survive an ordinary bailout, so the U.S. Air Force developed a special ejection capsule (pictured below) for supersonic use. In the early 1960s, it tested the capsule by using Himalayan and black bears. The capsules, each containing a bear, were blown out of the aircraft while they were going 1,100 miles per hour and parachuted to the ground.  

The bears all survived the bailouts with only minor physical injuries but with some psychological stress. The Air Force expressed its gratitude towards the ursines by killing them after their flights in order to perform necropsies.

J Clear at en.wikipedia
[CC BY-SA 3.0 (http://creativecommons.org/licenses/by-sa/3.0)
 or Public domain],  via Wikimedia Commons


Thursday, August 20, 2015

THE MOST UNCTUOUS OF PRESIDENTS

One of the great thrills (if not the greatest) for Calvin Coolidge, the 30th President of the United States (1923-1929), was to have someone rub Vaseline onto his scalp while he was eating breakfast.

Monday, August 17, 2015

HOLY SMOKE!

For hunters who want to have one or more final chances at participating in the killing of something, the folks at www.myholysmoke.com provide the ideal solution. They will stuff your ashes after cremation into the wads (the cups that hold the shot pellets together) of 250 shotgun shells or into the noses of 100 rifle or 125 pistol bullets. Your loved ones can then use the ammo to hunt a few dozen critters in your honor. Three years ago, they advertised the price for their basic service at $850; nowadays, you have to call for a quote. However, they do still indicate on their website that fancy wooden boxes to display the ammo are available for an additional $100 apiece.

They advertise their trade as "Celebrating Life."

Robert Chapin, a toxicologist for the National Institute of Environmental Health Sciences, recommends that the creature be killed promptly (which is obviously the most humane way to dispatch an animal anyway) so that the ashes carried in the bullet do not circulate in the bloodstream, and he further suggests that the meat immediately around the bullet hole be discarded so that the ashes are not consumed.*  I would think, however, that this would merely be an aesthetic issue as opposed to a serious health concern--at least with respect to the ashes. Consuming lead particles is a different story.

* Those of you who watch the classic Simpsons episodes may hearken back to the one containing Principal Skinner's observation that "You could say there's a little bit of Uter in all of us."  Those of you who do not watch will be totally confused at this point.

Sunday, August 16, 2015

THE STIGMA OF GINGERITY



The prejudice against ginger kids extends beyond the infamous South Park episode alleging that they have no souls. Cryos International, the world's largest sperm bank with operations in over 65 countries, issued a ban against contributions from red-haired donors. Except for customers in Ireland, there was so little demand for carrot-tops that the product containing red-haired DNA was unmarketable.

Wednesday, August 12, 2015

ANOTHER REASON TO AVOID GLASS HOUSES

In 2004, the town council in Monza, Italy banned the keeping of goldfish in bowls because the curved glass "gives them a distorted view of reality." The council apparently was far less concerned about poor aeration, lack of room, lack of stimulus, or the fish swimming in its own concentrated waste.

Tuesday, August 11, 2015

THE MOST UNCOUTH OF PRESIDENTS

Lyndon Johnson was perhaps the vilest President with respect to finely-executed belching, creative profanity, unrepentant marital infidelity, and all-round vulgarity.  He was, in addition, the greatest exhibitionist who occupied the White House.  LBJ was very fond of public urination and frequently engaged in the practice.  In addition, when one reporter asked Johnson why he was prosecuting the war in Vietnam, Johnson unzipped his pants (Johnson's pants, not the reporter's), drew out his penis (which he had modestly named "Jumbo") and said "This is why."

LBJ bragged about his sexual conquests and even tried to pick up females in front of his long-suffering wife. He claimed that that he "had more women by accident than Kennedy did on purpose." 

The President was so proud of Jumbo that he had ordered constructed a shower stall in the White House with a separate nozzle aimed directly at his Johnson.

Monday, August 10, 2015

BRANDY AND BERNARDS

Between approximately 1700 and 1897, dogs owned by the Great St. Bernard Hospice, a monastery in the St. Bernard's pass in Switzerland, rescued over 2,000 persons lost or trapped in the snow, many who were in Napoleon's army. The most famous canine, Barry, is credited with saving 40 to 100 persons between 1800 and 1812. In one instance, he purportedly brought home a boy who rode Barry like a horse. Barry is currently stuffed and is on display in a museum in Berne. Allegedly, he at one point was rebuilt to resemble a modern St. Bernard, as the breed has changed from the original dogs used 200 years ago.

The dogs often worked in pairs, where one dog would keep the rescuee warm while the other would go back to the monastery and fetch help.

Although an 1820 painting and numerous Warner Brothers cartoons feature St. Bernards with casks of brandy around their necks, the monastery denies that the dogs ever actually carried spirits to the victims in the snow. 

Today, the pooches have been replaced by helicopters, and the last official rescue by dog took place in 1955. During the summer, the monastery keeps a few St. Bernards around to pose with casks for tourists and their cameras.

Sunday, August 9, 2015

TURNING HITLER INTO A FEMINAZI


Adolf Hitler's staff employed over a dozen female food tasters to sample his meals to ensure that they were not poisoned. This was not a voluntary position, and the tasters were not free to leave the premises. However, especially considering that they were well fed, it was a far better gig that many persons had during the course of the war. The tasters would eat the same victuals as Hitler (primarily fruits, vegetables, and pastries, although he once in a while dabbled in ham or sausage), but they did so an hour before he did in order for any poisoning symptoms to have time to manifest themselves.

Hitler had terrible table manners and frequently wiped his nose on his napkin or shirtsleeve. His dining companions were often immersed in a cloud of his pastry-induced flatulence, but most wisely chose to pretend that nothing was happening.

The American Office of Strategic Services (OSS) bribed Hitler's gardener in Berchtesgaden to lace Hitler's vegetables with large quantities of estrogen. The estrogen would not have had any obvious or immediate effects on the female tasters and thus would not have been detected, but the OSS hoped that it would have caused Hitler to lose his moustache, develop an even higher-pitched voice, and grow large breasts, all of which would diminish his luster in the eyes of his followers. The gardener took the bribe but apparently did not follow through with his assignment--or maybe he did, but the estrogen simply did not work.

For more information about the fun activities of the OSS, read the 1962 book by Stanley P. Lowell, Of Spies and Stratagems, or look at the digest of same in the July, 1963, edition of Popular Science.

Saturday, August 8, 2015

HAVING A BLAST WITH JAMES FENIMORE COOPER

In an early example of a school overreacting with a zero-tolerance policy, Yale University expelled future author James Fenimore Cooper in 1806 merely because he intentionally blew up another student's room with gunpowder.

Friday, August 7, 2015

FDR'S MURDER CONFESSION

Franklin Roosevelt had a theory that people were so much in awe of his position that they never paid attention to what he actually was saying.  He tested his hypothesis numerous times, with great success, at social events where he would tell a guest "I murdered my grandmother this morning."  Almost invariably, the recipient of this information would nod agreeably or remark "that's nice" or something equally innocuous.

Saturday, August 1, 2015

FELINE CIRCULAR LOGIC

PICARD--THE NICE CAT
One phenomenon which has recently gained internet notoriety is "cats in circles." Specifically, if you place a circle of roughly two feet (60 cm) in diameter on the floor, your family feline will PROBABLY (it is a cat, after all!) come sit within it. It does not matter if the circle is made with bricks, clothesline, duct tape, Kiwi fruit, shotgun shells, or even a magic marker--you will find the cat inside of it in a matter of minutes.

To test this strange hypothesis, I borrowed Picard, my daughter's good cat (she also has an evil one, who would probably enter a circle only if it were composed of my freshly-eviscerated entrails). I took off my belt, buckled it together, and, while tightly holding my britches up with one hand, placed the loop on the floor. Within moments, Picard entered the room and plopped himself within the circle formed by the belt, as can be seen in the above photo.

Why do cats to this? Click here for a variety of theories. I myself gave up years ago trying to figure out what makes kitties tick.