THANK SANTA FOR YOUR "JUICY FRUIT"

General Santa Anna of Mexico, as everyone knows, was the military leader who killed all 189 defenders at the Alamo in 1836 and who massacred more than 342 Texas prisoners three weeks later at Goliad. He was defeated about a month after that at the Battle of San Jacinto by Samuel Houston.

Fast forward to 1869. Santa Anna was living at Staten Island, New York. He needed money to raise another army in Mexico and, in order to do so, persuaded American inventor Thomas Adams (who was also his secretary) to purchase a ton of Mexican chicle (made from the sap of the sapodilla tree) from him. Adams intended to use the chicle to make a substitute for rubber (which was every expensive at the time), but he did not succeed.

Thomas and his son, Horatio, observed that Santa Anna liked to masticate balls of chicle--as did the ancient Mayans. The Adams family decided to see if chicle could be sold as a chewable product. Their initial test run of 200 balls sold out immediately at a drug store, and they established the first chewing gum company in 1871. They made delightful products such as Tutti-Frutti, Black Jack, and Chiclets and were the premier chewing gum outfit in the world until some guy named Wrigley came along.

Now, why was Santa Anna living in Staten Island? That is a story for a different day.

AIR FORCE BEARS DO NOT GET TO DO ANYTHING IN THE WOODS

During the 1950s, the fastest bomber around was the B-58 Hustler, which could travel twice the speed of sound. Pilots at that velocity could not survive an ordinary bailout, so the U.S. Air Force developed a special ejection capsule (pictured below) for supersonic use. In the early 1960s, it tested the capsule by using Himalayan and black bears. The capsules, each containing a bear, were blown out of the aircraft while they were going 1,100 miles per hour and parachuted to the ground.  

The bears all survived the bailouts with only minor physical injuries but with some psychological stress. The Air Force expressed its gratitude towards the ursines by killing them after their flights in order to perform necropsies.

J Clear at en.wikipedia
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THE MOST UNCTUOUS OF PRESIDENTS

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One of the great thrills (if not the greatest) for Calvin Coolidge, the 30th President of the United States (1923-1929), was to have someone rub Vaseline onto his scalp while he was eating breakfast.

HOLY SMOKE!

For hunters who want to have one or more final chances at participating in the killing of something, the folks at www.myholysmoke.com provide the ideal solution. They will stuff your ashes after cremation into the wads (the cups that hold the shot pellets together) of 250 shotgun shells or into the noses of 100 rifle or 125 pistol bullets. Your loved ones can then use the ammo to hunt a few dozen critters in your honor. Three years ago, they advertised the price for their basic service at $850; nowadays, you have to call for a quote. However, they do still indicate on their website that fancy wooden boxes to display the ammo are available for an additional $100 apiece.

They advertise their trade as "Celebrating Life."

Robert Chapin, a toxicologist for the National Institute of Environmental Health Sciences, recommends that the creature be killed promptly (which is obviously the most humane way to dispatch an animal anyway) so that the ashes carried in the bullet do not circulate in the bloodstream, and he further suggests that the meat immediately around the bullet hole be discarded so that the ashes are not consumed.*  I would think, however, that this would merely be an aesthetic issue as opposed to a serious health concern--at least with respect to the ashes. Consuming lead particles is a different story.

* Those of you who watch the classic Simpsons episodes may hearken back to the one containing Principal Skinner's observation that "You could say there's a little bit of Uter in all of us."  Those of you who do not watch will be totally confused at this point.

ANOTHER REASON TO AVOID GLASS HOUSES

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In 2004, the town council in Monza, Italy banned the keeping of goldfish in bowls because the curved glass "gives them a distorted view of reality." The council apparently was far less concerned about poor aeration, lack of room, lack of stimulus, or the fish swimming in its own concentrated waste.

THE MOST UNCOUTH OF PRESIDENTS

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Lyndon Johnson was perhaps the vilest President with respect to finely-executed belching, creative profanity, unrepentant marital infidelity, and all-round vulgarity.  He was, in addition, the greatest exhibitionist who occupied the White House.  LBJ was very fond of public urination and frequently engaged in the practice.  In addition, when one reporter asked Johnson why he was prosecuting the war in Vietnam, Johnson unzipped his pants (Johnson's pants, not the reporter's), drew out his penis (which he had modestly named "Jumbo") and said "This is why."

LBJ bragged about his sexual conquests and even tried to pick up females in front of his long-suffering wife. He claimed that that he "had more women by accident than Kennedy did on purpose." 

The President was so proud of Jumbo that he had ordered constructed a shower stall in the White House with a separate nozzle aimed directly at his Johnson.

BRANDY AND BERNARDS

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Between approximately 1700 and 1897, dogs owned by the Great St. Bernard Hospice, a monastery in the St. Bernard's pass in Switzerland, rescued over 2,000 persons lost or trapped in the snow, many who were in Napoleon's army. The most famous canine, Barry, is credited with saving 40 to 100 persons between 1800 and 1812. In one instance, he purportedly brought home a boy who rode Barry like a horse. Barry is currently stuffed and is on display in a museum in Berne. Allegedly, he at one point was rebuilt to resemble a modern St. Bernard, as the breed has changed from the original dogs used 200 years ago.

The dogs often worked in pairs, where one dog would keep the rescuee warm while the other would go back to the monastery and fetch help.

Although an 1820 painting and numerous Warner Brothers cartoons feature St. Bernards with casks of brandy around their necks, the monastery denies that the dogs ever actually carried spirits to the victims in the snow. 

Today, the pooches have been replaced by helicopters, and the last official rescue by dog took place in 1955. During the summer, the monastery keeps a few St. Bernards around to pose with casks for tourists and their cameras.