T.R.--"THIS HOLIDAY SUCKS"

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When Theodore Roosevelt was twenty-five years old, he pretty much gave up any enthusiasm he ever had for celebrating St. Valentine's Day.  On February 14, 1884, he lost his beloved 46 year-old mother, Martha, from typhoid fever and, a few hours later, he also lost his equally beloved wife, Alice, to Bright's disease (a kidney disorder)--two days after she had given birth to his first child.

As a result, the bereaved Roosevelt abandoned politics for a few years and fled to the Dakota Badlands to pursue ranching and hunting.

O.J.'S LOST OPPORTUNITY FOR METHOD ACTING

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When Orion Studio executives were casting the first Terminator movie some forty years ago, they wanted the role of the murderous cyborg to go to O.J. Simpson. However, director James Cameron (pictured on the right above) decided that the public would not be able to accept in its mind the concept of Simpson being a killer, so he instead picked a monosyllabic Austrian actor whose prior screen experience consisted primarily of wearing a loincloth while decapitating bad people. It turned out, of course, to be an inspired choice.

Richardw from nl [GFDL (http://www.gnu.org/copyleft/fdl.html)
 via Wikimedia Commons

LINCOLN'S DUEL

On September 22, 1842, Abraham Lincoln rowed out from Alton, Illinois to “Bloody Island” in the Mississippi River in order to fight a duel with Illinois State Auditor James Shields. Bloody Island was often the site of such activities for Illinois residents, as it was part of Missouri (where dueling was legal) and not Illinois (where dueling was not). Shields challenged Lincoln to the duel because Lincoln had written (under the false name of “Rebecca”) a letter to the newspaper condemning both Shields’s official policies and personal demeanor. 

Lincoln, as the challengee, had the right to choose the weapons and terms of the duel. Lincoln eschewed pistols because he thought that there would be a good chance that Shields would kill him with such an instrument. Instead, Lincoln chose cavalry broadswords. He also required that the combatants be separated by a wide board with the further admonition that if one of the duelers stepped upon the board, he would “forfeit his life.” Lincoln, being substantially taller than Shields, thought that he would have a great advantage both in wielding a huge sword and in being able to reach over the board much further than his opponent.

Lincoln hoped that the unfair conditions would cause Shields to call off the duel. However, although Shields was a vain popinjay (I know, “vain popinjay” is redundant), he was not a coward and had in fact exhibited considerable valor during the war with Mexico. Shields showed up on Bloody Island with every intention of fighting.

History might have been quite different had he actually done so. However, a mutual friend also rowed out to the island and talked the parties out of the combat. The fact that Lincoln cut off a branch of tree high above him with his sword to demonstrate his long reach probably also was a factor in convincing Shields to abandon the duel. Twenty years later, Lincoln signed a commission appointing Shields as a brigadier general in the Union Army.

Lincoln later on in his life when asked about the near-duel did not deny the veracity of the story but made it clear that he was embarrassed and uncomfortable about the incident and did not wish to discuss it.

Oh—what were Shields’s policies denounced by Lincoln in his letter? Lincoln had asserted that Shields and the rest of the Democrats in the state government had driven Illinois into fiscal ruin and that they were also welshing on paying the state’s lawful debts.* 

An account of Abe's altercation can be found in the children's book Abraham Lincoln's Dueling Words as well as in the blog of the Abraham Lincoln Presidential Library and Museum (which is a cool place to visit if you are ever in Springfield, Illinois).

*"Those who cannot remember the past are doomed to repeat it."--George Santayana

THOMAS GRANGER AND HIS EMBRACEABLE EWE

Massachusetts Bay Colony in 1642 was not a hotbed of social opportunities for lonely teenage farmhand Thomas Granger, who spent much time by himself out standing in the field. His family lived in another village, and he had no one for companionship. No one, that is, except for "a mare, a cow, two goats, divers sheepe, two calves, and a turkey." Maybe it was the attraction towards other warm-blooded living beings during those crisp days of approaching autumn in New England, maybe it was a burst of vigorous adolescent hormones coursing through young Thomas's system, or maybe it was just idle curiosity--at any rate, poor Master Granger made the mistake of slaking his bodily lusts with the aforesaid critters. It was a fatal error in judgment, which led to Granger, on September 7, 1642, of achieving the not-so-desirable role of becoming the earliest known juvenile of European descent to be executed in the New World.

Thomas ultimately confessed to his sins, and he turned state's evidence by identifying the particular animals involved, thus ensuring that those sheep who were innocent would not also be punished with the guilty. Justice was swift and certain with an expedited trial one day and Thomas's demise by hanging the next. Prior to his death, Granger's co-defendants listed above (except for those sheep who were acquitted) also were subjected to the supreme penalty, as mandated by Leviticus 20:15 ("And if a man shall lie with a beast, he shall surely be put to death: and ye shall slay the beast"). 

For some contemporary remarks about this tragic affair of the heart, see this excerpt from Governor William Bradford's diary of Plymouth Plantation.

By Michael Palmer (Own work)
[CC BY-SA 4.0 (http://creativecommons.org/licenses/by-sa/4.0)],
 via Wikimedia Commons

HITLER'S SECRET WEAPON

In 1937, the U.S. Army contracted with Hershey's Chocolate to develop a candy bar which would not melt and which would contain enough nutrients to provide a full meal for the troops in the field.  The Army, in order to discourage soldiers from eating the candy prematurely, required that it taste little better than a "boiled potato." 

Hershey's took the unpalatable requirement to an extreme and, with the use of oat flour and excessive cacao, produced the D-ration--an extremely bitter concoction hard enough break teeth.  It also was called "Hitler's secret weapon" because of the unmentionable things it would do to the Americans' digestive tracts (for a genuine example of WWII alimentary warfare, click here).

Hershey's throughout the war produced about 24 million bars a week for the military, including a later version which was marginally more edible.

Many soldiers gladly shared their chocolate with starving youngsters in the war-torn areas. The recipients did not mind how it tasted.

D-ration photo courtesy of Hershey Community Archives at
http://www.hersheyarchives.org/

THE ECSTASY OF CASU MARZU

By Shardan (Own work)
 [CC BY-SA 2.5 (http://creativecommons.org/licenses/by-sa/2.5)],
 via Wikimedia Commons

One of the most delightful Mediterranean dishes is "Casu  Marzu" from Sardinia. It is also called "maggot cheese."

To produce this scrumptious product, take ordinary sheep's milk cheese and expose it outside to cheese flies (Piophila casei). The flies will lay their eggs resulting in, of course, maggots. The maggots will ingest the cheese and excrete Casu Marzu from a specialized orifice called a "maggot anus." Eventually, you will have available for serving to your honored guests a malodorous ball of feces infested with larvae with a taste that will burn the tongue. Tradition requires that the diners eat the larvae along with the cheese.

Although now illegal in Sardinia, the cheese is still highly regarded and can be found often at formal occasions where simple caviar will not do. The maggots are very active and can flick themselves six inches into the air. If you are at a Sardinian wedding and hear a clicking sound followed by an "ow," it probably means that a guest tried the cheese and a maggot landed in his eye.

Even if the larvae fail to inflict an eye injury, they are very hardy and will often survive the trip through the stomach and will end up in the intestines, where they will provoke vomiting and bloody diarrhea by attempting to bore through the intestinal wall.

To see how maggot cheese is made and Chef Gordon Ramsey's response to its flavor, click here.

THE CRANIAL FOB INTERACTION

As anyone with a modern electronic key fob for a car which unlocks/locks the doors, blows the horn, flashes the headlights, and opens the trunk etc. knows, there is obviously a limit to the range of the signal. However, what not everyone realizes is that you can extend the range that the fob works by using your head. Specifically, if you jam the fob next to your skull when you are operating it, it will function at a greater distance than normal.

Essentially, regardless of whether or not you have a mind full of mush, it is always also saturated with water molecules. When the fob is next to your head, the electromagnetic waves causes the positive and negative ions in the water to oscillate in the same pattern as the electromagnetic waves, and your brain becomes a giant antenna which amplifies the signal of the key fob.*

As demonstrated in this video by Professor Roger Bowley of the University of Nottingham, you can get a similar effect by holding the fob next to a gallon jug of water.

Therefore, the next time you lose track of where you parked your car in a large lot, cram the fob next to your temple and press the appropriate buttons until you hear the horn or see the lights.

*Kinda makes you wonder what keeping a cell phone pressed to your head for long periods of time is doing to those ions in your brain, doesn't it?

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