THE MAGNIFICENT MOTION LAMP

One of the most glorious cultural icons which reached its zenith in the USA during the unparalleled era of peace and prosperity that was the later years of the Eisenhower presidency (although certain foreign countries and minority groups might have a different description for that time period) was the motion lamp. A motion lamp was a light bulb in the middle of a platform. Above the light bulb was a spike. A plastic cylinder (the"spinner") with vanes on it would be placed over the bulb and on the spike, and the heat of the bulb would cause the spinner to rotate. A larger translucent rigid cylinder containing both an inner and outer wall was then placed over the whole assembly (although in the very early models made in the 1930s, the inner and outer walls were separate pieces). 

The spinner and the inner and outer walls of the rigid cylinder would be perforated, fluted, or painted in such a way that the rotating spinner would create an animated picture when viewed through the rigid cylinder, such as a stream with moving water flowing through a blazing forest fire with flickering flames, fish swimming in a tank, a burning barn, a boy urinating (really), a steam locomotive billowing smoke and passing through the countryside, etc.  If you by now are hopelessly confused by this inartful description, just look at the pictures below.

A hardware or furniture store in the late 1950s would often have dozens of  these lamps on display with their vibrant colors and different types of scenes in motion to create a glorious optical cornucopia--complemented with the sweet aromatic ecstasy of volatile compounds released from the overheated plastic cylinders. The lamps were frequently purchased to place on the top of TV consoles, which sixty years ago usually consisted of a large glass tube embedded in a massive wooden cabinet (I personally would not recommend attempting to put a motion lamp on a modern flat screen television).

  

Although a few of these entertaining illuminating inspirations were manufactured until relatively recent times, most were made prior to 1962.  The use of too hot of a bulb would make their cylinders and spinners warped and brittle, and as a result, their attrition rate during the past half-century has been quite high. The lamps occasionally show up in antique stores (with stratospheric price tags), but to find one in decent shape and working condition is an extremely rare and wonderful event.

To see motion lamp action, click here.

1931 Scene-In Action "Marine Scene"--It
originally sold for $7

1958 L A Goodman "Niagara Falls"--One of the
 most colorful and aesthetic lamps made

THE INFLAMMATORY RING OF FIRE PROPOSAL

The estate of Johnny Cash was approached shortly after his death in 2003 with a pitch that his classic tune "Ring of Fire" be used as a jingle for hemorrhoid commercials. Cash's family thought that the idea, despite its inherent whimsy, was degrading to the image of the singer and vehemently nixed the proposal.

Had such an advertisement run, perhaps it would have looked something like this.

View image | gettyimages.com

THE CANADIAN-ROMAN SYNERGY

Readers of these Factoids will recall an assertion that Leif Erickson was probably the first European to visit North America--sometime around the year 1000. However, a recent article in the Boston Standard suggests that Leif may have been an explorer-come-lately by several hundred years. Specifically, the finding of an ancient Roman sword (a "gladius") by a fisherman, purportedly from a Roman shipwreck near the infamous Oak Island of Nova Scotia, suggests that Europeans may have visited the New World over a thousand years before Columbus.

This is a story which will require further review as time marches on. It would be interesting, for example, to see what is found if and when the shipwreck is salvaged. In the meantime, however,  J. Hutton Pulitzer, the researcher investigating the sword and surrounding events, states that the following evidence indicates that America might have come perilously close to becoming part of the Roman Empire: Members of the Mi'kmaq tribe, native to Nova Scotia, carry gene markers in their DNA normally found only in those of Eastern Mediterranean descent. Mi'kmag petroglyphs discovered in the 1800s appear to resemble Roman troops and ships. Fifty words in the Mi'kmaq language correspond to Roman nautical terms. A Roman legionnaire's whistle was discovered in the area in 1901. A boss from the center of a Roman shield was discovered in the 1800s in Nova Scotia. Two stones found on Oak Island were engraved with an ancient Eastern Mediterranean script. Gold Roman coins were discovered on the mainland near Oak Island. And, finally, the area contains the invasive plant European barberry (Berberis vulgaris), used by the Romans as seasoning and to prevent scurvy.

While it is cool to imagine that the Romans invaded Canada at one point, one must keep in mind that these latest revelations unfolded conveniently at the very time when the History Channel is hyping its series, The Curse of Oak Island, about unlocking the secrets (including, perhaps, buried treasure) on that piece of controversial real estate.

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DR. SEUSS AT WAR

Theodor Seuss Geisel a/k/a Dr. Seuss was not exclusively a children's book author and illustrator, and his works were often featured in various magazines such as Life and Vanity Fair as well as in advertisements for various products. He spawned the famous insecticide jingle "Quick Henry, the Flit" which would be instantly recognized today by anyone over 80 years old.

During early World War II, Geisel drew over 400 political cartoons for the PM, a leftist newspaper in New York. Most of his messages were pro-Roosevelt and critical of the Axis powers. He frequently denounced entities he perceived as helping the Nazi war effort, including isolationists (especially Charles Lindbergh), Republicans, anti-Communists, and the Chicago Tribune. He was opposed to all forms of bigotry, except in the case of Japanese-Americans, whom he labelled universally as traitors.

Later on in the war, he prepared drawings for the War Production Board and the Treasury Department, and he eventually enlisted in the US Army and produced various training and propaganda films.

Fans of Geisel's children's books will instantly recognize his artistic style in his World War II political cartoons. In fact, they often feature bizarre creatures and elephants very similar to those he drew for the youngsters. If you do not believe me, you can find some of these cartoons by going to the following website or to the very excellent book Dr. Seuss Goes to War and see for yourself.

THE DISNEYLAND DISQUALIFICATION

Originally, the current dictator of North Korea, Kim Jong-Un, was not originally slated by his father, Kim Jong-Il, a/k/a "Dear Leader, Who is a Perfect Incarnation of the Appearance That a Leader Should Have" (his actual title) to serve as Kim Jong-Il's successor in that office. That privilege had been reserved for Kim Jong-Un's older half-brother, Kim Jong-Nam (pictured below).

Unfortunately (or ultimately, perhaps fortunately) for Kim Jong-Nam, he was caught trying to go to Disneyland Tokyo with a forged passport in 2001. He was exiled to the People's Republic of China and has since traveled to numerous countries in the world. His wanderlust may not be as much a product of a playboy lifestyle as a desire to avoid assassination attempts--especially since his brother had no problem condemning their uncle to death and executing him--according to some reports, by machine gun fire, according to others, by feeding him to starving dogs. Anything is possible in North Korea.

The bottom line is, you really have no idea with whom you might be rubbing shoulders at Disneyland.

UPDATE 2/20/2017--On February 13, 2017, Kim Jong-Nam was killed by poison in Malaysia. You are not paranoid when someone really is out to get you.

View image | gettyimages.com

COMING OUT ON THE CLOSET

Anyone who makes a habit taking formal tours of American historical homes from the 19th Century or earlier will note than many of these houses--or even mansions--did not have closets in most of the bedrooms or a central closet for overcoats and the like. The explanation provided by the tour guides for this phenomenon is usually something along the lines of "the tax on the house was based on the number of rooms, and each closet counted as a separate room." In other words, like today, where virtually every financial decision is not based on its own merits but instead on the tax consequences, the imposition of taxes influenced architecture and encouraged the construction of dwellings without much closet space.

An internet search will reveal that many persons still subscribe to this theory, while many others maintain that closets were not ubiquitous in the past simply because they were not necessary then where people had far fewer garments, which would fit nicely in a dresser, chest, or armoire. In support of their hypothesis, the tax-theory naysayers often refer to an unidentified study done by an unknown person at an unspecified time which established that there were no such tax laws in the original thirteen colonies. They also cite to examples of specific old houses which in fact had a closet or two.

Well, who is right in this highly emotionally-charged controversy? I don't really know--probably both sides. I do not believe, for a variety of reasons, that  the tax theory should be automatically discarded, including: 1) "Closet" in the old days did not refer merely to a small enclosure built as a component of a room--it was also used as a term for a small room used for prayer, study, or contemplation. 2) Presuming that someone did in fact establish that there were no "closet = room" laws in the tax codes of the original thirteen colonies, that does not mean that such a provision did not arise in other states or territories or that it did not originally exist when the colonies belonged to England (which for sure had weird revenue provisions, such as the dreaded and paneful "window tax" of 1696). 3) The fact that some old houses had some closets does not prove that they were not taxed--only that the owner was willing to take on the tax burden. 4) I embrace and automatically accept as true any and all hypotheses purporting to illustrate how misuse of the power to tax has all sorts of unanticipated consequences.

Ironically, with the advent in modern construction of huge walk-in enclosures for garments complete with windows, electricity, heating/cooling ducts, and furnishings, many closets are now in fact rooms for all practical purposes.

THE CARCHARODON COMMUNIST COMMENTARY

One of Fidel Castro's favorite movies is Jaws.  He claims that he likes it because it portrays the evils of capitalism when it depicts the mayor of the town trying to keep the beaches open and the dollars rolling in during tourist season notwithstanding the danger posed by a known man-eating (and woman-eating) shark.

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MOTOR VEHICLE OPTIONS YOU MUST ESCHEW

We have earlier noted that the U.S. government now determines for its subjects what features they must have and cannot have on their automobiles. The following are some of the items on a list compiled by Popular Science of just a few of the contraband things you dare not install on your car but which are available in other countries.

DYNAMIC HIGH BEAMS.  This feature uses a complex array of electronics and sensors to automatically dim the only the portion of the high beam headlights which would blind an oncoming driver in the opposite lane while fully continuing to illuminate everything else. The USA permits only devices which totally shut down all of both high beams--a feature first introduced by Oldsmobile in 1952.

DYNAMIC LIGHT SPOT.  This is an infrared beam which detects pedestrians on the road at night and shines a spotlight on them in time for the driver to see them and take evasive action.

STROBE BRAKE LIGHTS.  These are brake lights which flash rapidly during a panic stop to alert following drivers that they had better consider slamming on their own brakes. A normal slow braking would simply cause the brake lights to glow brightly but not strobe, just like they do now.

REAR-VIEW MIRROR CAMERA. It is illegal in America to replace the interior rear-view mirror with a camera which shows what is behind you--even though the camera could provide a wider view and eliminate the notorious blind spot.

REMOTE-MOUNT MAGNETIC CAMERA. You cannot in the USA install detachable remote cameras to help you see blind spots.

LIGHTWEIGHT SEATS. The government says they are not safe, although I would think that I would rather have a lightweight seat pushing me forward against my seat belt in the event of a crash rather than a heavy behemoth.

ASPHERICAL MIRRORS. These are external mirrors which are curved in such a way as to eliminate the blind spot. 

Click here to see how all of this federal regulation started. 

#373--THE HOLLOW-NECK QUANDARY OF JUNE

Fans of the old TV series Leave It to Beaver (and how could you not be a fan if you have ever seen an episode) still good-naturedly mock the mother in the series, June Cleaver, for her iconic predilection towards wearing a pearl necklace and high heels on occasions where normal women might have a more informal garb while doing the laundry, preparing the meals, or performing any other tasks expected of females at that time. June's fashion choices were not, however, an attempt to glamorize the role of a Eisenhower-era mother and housewife.

With respect to the pearls, the actress playing June Cleaver, Barbara Billingsley, had a hollow depression in the front of her throat. She used the pearls simply to cover up what was perceived as a physical imperfection.

The high heels also have a more pragmatic explanation. In the first season of the show, Billingsley wore normal flats. However, as the boys in the series quickly grew in height, the producers were concerned that the dynamics of the parent-children relationship in the show might appear strained if the kids got taller than the adults at too early of an age. The reason that June Cleaver wore high heels was so that she could continue to tower over her young sons.

To hear from Billingsley's own mouth the explanation for these sartorial inclinations, click here.

Billingsley was typecast for decades as a conservative, white-bread, 1950s mom  whose most challenging crisis was convincing her son Wally not to drink milk directly from the bottle while she and her family lived in an idyllic small town in mid-America. As such, she was the perfect choice for her cameo role in the 1980 movie Airport.

THE 1953 CORVETTE--OFF TO A BAD START

When the first Corvette rolled off the assembly line in 1953, it would not start, much to the embarrassment of GM executives who had invited the press to witness the event.

The executives should have been embarrassed, because the problem was that the assembly team failed to realize that it could not ground an electrical system to a fiberglass car body.

BALLOONING INTERNATIONAL ACRIMONY

At the height of the Cold War*, President Eisenhower authorized "Project Genetrix." Project Genetrix involved the release of weather balloons over the Soviet Union, Eastern Europe, and China which were equipped with cameras which would automatically take photos during the daylight hours. The 200-foot tall balloons normally flew at 50,000 feet (15,000 meters) to 100,000 feet (30,000 meters) high and were generally out of the range of fighter aircraft. They and their photographic treasure trove would be recaptured by specially-equipped US aircraft after the balloons had soared over the enemy country.

The balloons and gondola were very flimsy and invisible to radar. Or so the Americans thought. Unfortunately, one of the steel support rods was 91 centimeters long, which happened to be the same wavelength as a frequency used by Soviet early warning radar. As a result, the balloons popped up on Russian radar screens as conspicuously as Barack Obama at an NRA convention.

The Soviets were very irritated and implemented the usual diplomatic blustering. They also quickly realized that the balloons at sunrise, after a cold night's flight, could be found at a lower altitude within the range of their MiG fighters. As a result, after less than a month, Eisenhower cancelled the project when only 54 out of 516 balloons were able to be retrieved by the Americans. Out of those 54 balloons, only 31 provided usable photos.

The project was not a total bust, however--at least from the viewpoint of the Soviets. Upon recovering the cameras from the balloons that they shot down, they discovered how the Americans had made temperature-resistant film which was also immune to external radiation. This enlightenment resolved a problem the Russians were encountering in designing their space program.

High-altitude reconnaissance by the USA resumed with its U-2 program, which ultimately resulted in its own set of political difficulties.

*From what I can tell, the "height of the Cold War" has been used to refer to virtually any date from the defeat of the Nazis in 1945 to the collapse of the Berlin Wall in 1989. Project Generix ran from January 10, 1956 to February 6, 1956.

THE STELLAR REINFORCEMENT

Many brick or masonry buildings built prior to the 20th century have iron stars or other geometric shapes on the outside walls.  Each device, often called an "anchor plate," is actually a giant washer at the end of a rod which runs through the building and is fastened by another similar plate on the outside wall of the opposite side of the structure.  This rod braces the building and helps prevent it from shifting or collapsing.  These anchoring systems are especially common in towns susceptible to hurricanes or earthquakes, such as Charleston, South Carolina or San Francisco.  In many cases, the systems were installed after a natural disaster struck in order to prevent further movement of an already damaged structure.

By GrammarFascist (Own work)
[CC BY-SA 4.0 (http://creativecommons.org/licenses/by-sa/4.0)],
 via Wikimedia Commons

ERADICATING GARMENT DISTRICT ERETHISM

One of the boons in the 19th century for seamstresses as well as for clothing manufacturers was the invention of the treadle sewing machine--a device similar to modern sewing machines except that it was powered not by electricity but instead by the operator using her foot (or feet) to pump a pedal up and down.

While this made sewing much easier and faster than doing it by hand, it purportedly had a deleterious effect on the operator, as reported in the British Medical Journal on January 12, 1867. According to the author of the article, Dr. Langdon H. Down, MD, seamstresses were being overcome by the various ills associated with masturbation--all as a result of the operator receiving sexual stimulation from her legs rubbing together during the use of the machine. To Dr. Down's credit, he specifically rejected genital mutilation as a cure for this problem. He proposed instead a regimen of pouring cold water on the patient, administering potassium bromide and iron salts, outdoor exercise, and finding a different line of work for the patient in order to combat this serious medical condition.

Perhaps in an effort to circumvent claims under the then new worker's compensation laws, some clothing factories purportedly put bromide in the drinking water of their female employees and hired supervisors to make sure that the seamstresses were not operating their machines "too fast."

By Vincent de Groot - http://www.videgro.net
 (Own work)  via Wikimedia Commons

THE "BRING YOUR CHILD TO WORK" PITFALL

You will recall that Ernest Hemingway blew his chances of obtaining the "Father of the Year" Award when he placed his children in harm's way while chasing Nazi U-Boats in his cabin cruiser. Another father who embraced the same laissez-faire philosophy with respect to child endangerment was General Ulysses S. Grant, who, with the blessings of his wife, allowed his 11-year old son Frederick to accompany him on his quest to slaughter Confederates. During one campaign in 1863, Frederick, then at the hoary age of twelve, was shot in the leg and nearly had to have it amputated. As a result, Mama Grant withdrew her consent, and Frederick's military career was put on hold until 1866, when he became a cadet at West Point. 

Frederick eventually achieved the rank of Major General and also served as the Police Commissioner of New York City and Minister to Austria-Hungary. Just like his dad, he died in his early sixties from throat cancer.

For further information on the young Grant's Civil War experiences, click here. For a brief biography of the lesser-known General Grant, click here.

By Bain News Service, publisher, via Wikimedia Commons

THE THUMB WAR

"Vault Boy" poster at video game store

A common rule of thumb (quite literally) in the atomic age involves the calculation of the intensity of a nuclear bomb blast. Specifically, if you stick your arm all of the way out and can cover the image of the mushroom cloud with your thumb, you will be far away from the blast that the heat, shock wave, and fallout, when they eventually arrive, will be too weak to affect you. At least, that is what the theory says.

The rule is also supposed to apply to everyone regardless of body size. For those persons with smaller thumbs, they will also have shorter arms, which means that the thumb will be closer to the eye and its image will effectively cover about the same amount of area as perceived by a larger individual.

The thumb test has been incorporated within the Fallout series of electronic role-playing games featuring a post-apocalyptic society ravaged by nuclear conflict. "Vault Boy," the mascot of the game series (as well as that of "Vault Tec," a corporate entity featured in the games), is often depicted in thumb-up configuration gazing at atomic explosions.

Is there any validity to the rule? The possibility at least exists that it may serve as a rough test for the effect of the shock wave and the heat, although there would still be several variables, such as the size of the bomb, the altitude of detonation, the presence of buildings, and the topography of the area in general. Fallout can travel huge distances over time, and the rule is probably not at all effective for that purpose.

Personally speaking, if I were ever to see a fresh atomic explosion, I will not be standing out in the open gawking at the blast with an upright opposable digit waiting to be shredded by the potential shock wave. I will be rushing instead to get my loved ones behind a concrete wall in the basement, irregardless* of whether or not I can obscure the mushroom cloud with my thumb.

As "irregardless" has been in use for over a century and is found in most dictionaries, it is in fact a word, and it means the same thing as "regardless," just as "inflammable" means the same as "flammable." So get over it.

View image | gettyimages.com

Thanks (or should I say "thumbs up?") to Michael Green for the heads up on this factoid!

THE UNCLEAN ARMADILLO

Armadillos, because of their longevity and low body temperature, are one of the very few animals other than man which can be afflicted with leprosy.  It is estimated that about 5% of armadillos in Texas and Louisiana have the disease.

As of July 22, 2015, nine persons in Florida alone were diagnosed with leprosy, most likely from armadillos, in the preceding seven-month period.

To avoid transmission of leprosy from an armadillo, follow a few basic rules.

1.  Do not eat an armadillo.

2.  Do not have sex with an armadillo.

3.  Do not kiss an armadillo.

4.  Do not share toothbrushes, utensils, or needles with an armadillo.

5.  Do not accept blood transfusions from an armadillo.

6.  Do not get sneezed upon by an armadillo.

It is believed that in most cases, the disease is transmitted to gourmands who violate Rule No. 1 or trappers who violate Rule No. 6.

View image | gettyimages.com

THE CONTRACTING CEREBRUM CONUNDRUM

Contrary to expectations, the human brain has been shrinking in size over the last 20,000 years.  The average male brain once had a volume of about 1500 cc; however, it is now about 1350 cc--a difference about the size of a tennis ball. Female brains, which were slightly smaller to start with, have also shrunk proportionately.

One theory is that 20,000 years ago, individuals had to be a lot more self-reliant and had to have extra intelligence because no one else would be providing them with food, shelter, medical care, clothes, and protection from predators (trying to avoid being eaten can especially require a lot of thought and concentration). This theory would be consistent with observations about wild animals who have become domesticated, as they almost always evolve to smaller brains after several generations of living off of the largesse of humans. The only flaw with this hypothesis is that although it may explain why not as much intelligence may be needed in modern times and why a smaller brain would be adequate, it does not account for why evolution would affirmatively favor the smaller brain instead of just leaving it at its older larger size.

The second theory is that evolution resulted in the brain of each person developing more slowly than it used to and that a modern brain is simply an old-fashioned juvenile brain which never grew to its full adult potential. It is believed that individuals with full adult brains would have been a lot more aggressive than those with juvenile brains. As societies formed and there was less and less self-reliance and more dependence on the group, aggressive individuals with adult brains who went around committing self-indulgent orgies of rape, murder, and pillaging would be executed by the group and their genetic contributions eliminated.

Under either theory, evolution is favoring the preservation of less intelligent individuals who need to be supported by others and is eschewing smarter individuals who are self-reliant. In other words, no matter how counter-intuitive it may seem, the highest and most-evolved life forms vote for Democrats.

View image | gettyimages.com

THE BEAVER/MILKY WAY COMMONALITY

You will recall from a previous factoid that castoreum from beaver anal glands is used to make raspberry flavoring for candy, pastries, and the like. If the thought of using beaver anal secretions in your recipes really, truly, bothers you, then there is another potential source of raspberry flavoring, although it is a little harder to obtain.

Astronomers have been searching the heart of the Milky Way Galaxy with radio telescopes in an attempt to locate amino acids--the basic building blocks of life on earth. While they have not yet found them, they did ascertain that the center of the galaxy contains large amounts of ethyl formate. Ethyl formate is the compound which gives real raspberries their delightful flavor. In addition, if smelled instead of consumed, it has the aroma of rum.

In short, the center of the Milky Way would probably be a delightful place to be, with the flavor of raspberries and the odor of rum. However, it is approximately 100,000 light years, or about 588,000,000,000,000,000 miles (945,000,000,000,000,000 km), away (which is far).

View image | gettyimages.com

MARTIALLY INFLUENCED HOROLOGY

Originally, wristwatches were considered extremely effeminate, and no real man would have a timepiece on his body unless it was a turnip-sized pocket watch in his vest pocket. This attitude changed during World War I, where doughboys had their hands full of weapons or other equipment and were too preoccupied to be fumbling in their gear in order to see if it was time to go over the trenches. A photo of an American watch manufactured for this conflict is below.

By Museumsfoto (Deutsches Uhrenmuseum)
 [CC BY 3.0 de (http://creativecommons.org/licenses
/by/3.0/de/deed.en)], via Wikimedia Commons

As we all remember from an earlier factoid, wristwatches were firmly established as de rigueur by the time the Second World War rolled around.

THE STRAIGHT POOP

Folks from Asia, Africa, and parts of Europe and Latin America generally suffer fewer instances of colitis, constipation, or hemorrhoids than their counterparts in the USA or the United Kingdom--all due to their style of defecation.

Specifically, the puborecatlis muscle is in charge of clamping down on the rectum and keeping the feces bottled up until the user is prepared to perform No. 2.  The standard American toilet (which we Yanks stole from the Brits) puts the participant in a seated position, which leaves this clamping muscle in a partially closed configuration and requires much more straining, effort, and time on the part of the user to void bowels.  As any proctologist will tell you, the more time you spend on a standard toilet, the more likely you will develop 'rhoid rage--hence that old procto battle cry condemning reading on the porcelain throne of "the bathroom is not a library."

The people in many other nations, however, either have no toilet at all and squat on the ground or use a toilet specifically designed to place the pooper in a squatting position.  Use of a squatting toilet fully relaxes the puborecatlis muscle and allows for the easy transport of the browns to the super bowl.

The higher the seat in a standard toilet, the more likely it is to interfere with free and joyful fecal unburdening.

A video can be worth a thousand words. This one, an advertisement for the "Squatty Potty," explains it all. As I have never used the product, I cannot opine one way or the other with respect to its efficacy. I can truthfully report, however, that I found its ad to be witty, informative, and "tasteful" in every sense of the word. For a behind-the-scenes look at how they filmed this classic, click here.

View image | gettyimages.com

#332--THE URSINE ARTILLERY UTILITY

Wojtek as a youth

In general, 1939 was a bad year for the Poles, with Germany eviscerating them on the west and the USSR disemboweling them on the east. In the east, those Polish troops who survived both the initial battles as well as the subsequent genocide were shipped off to gulags in Siberia.

Once Hitler betrayed Stalin and attacked Russia in 1941, the Russians suddenly decided that the Poles weren't so bad after all and determined that they were suitable for use as cannon fodder against the Germans. Inexplicably, however, most of the Poles who had been previously imprisoned by the Soviet Union had limited enthusiasm for fighting for that country. These malcontents were generally shipped to Iran where they were allowed to join the British Army.

While in Iran, members of the Polish 22nd Transport Artillery Supply Company encountered a young lad who was carrying a sack containing a very malnourished brown bear cub. The Polish soldiers purchased the cub and starting fattening him up on a diet whose major component was beer. The bear became the mascot of the company. 

The bear thrived in his new environment and learned to march on two legs with the rest of the troops (or ride in a jeep when motorized transportation was available) and salute officers. He became very fond of smoking cigarettes, guzzling beer, and wrestling with his human companions. He loved hot showers and eventually had to be locked out of the bathhouse because of his skill in manipulating the faucets and turning them on. One day, he sneaked in when someone left the door open and discovered an enemy spy. Rather than negotiate with a 500-pound brown bear, the agent ran out to surrender to the Poles, and the bear received extra beer and cigarettes that evening.

Eventually, the British sent the Poles over to fight in Italy. The Brits initially banned the bear from accompanying the unit, but the Poles formally enlisted the bear and provided him with a serial number. This procedure satisfied the legal technicalities, and the bear went to war.

At the Battle of Monte Cassino, the Poles were sent against hardened German troops who had withstood two prior assaults from other units. The bear observed his human companions lug ammunition up to the guns on the front lines. Thinking that this might be fun, the bear pitched in and worked day and night on his hind legs hauling artillery shells and 100-lb boxes of ammo to the front while totally ignoring the gunfire and sounds of battle. Maybe he wasn't smarter than the average bear after all, but he never dropped a round.  At any rate, the ursine demonstrated that he was truly worthy of the name which had been bestowed upon him during his cubhood--namely, "Wojtek," which means "takes joy in battle."

The Germans, however, probably did not take joy in the battle. You can imagine one demoralized Nazi soldier screaming to another "Hans, what the @#$%? They have @#$%-ing bears fighting for them now?"

After several other bear-attended martial engagements and the end of the war, many of the Poles emigrated to Scotland as an alternative to living in Soviet-dominated Poland (it really was dominated by the Soviets, notwithstanding what Gerald Ford said in 1976). Wojtek spend his remaining years, until his death in 1963, in the Edinburgh Zoo, wrestling with his former war buddies and bumming beers and cigarettes. By all reports, notwithstanding the possible non-compliance with PETA guidelines, Wotjek had a very enjoyable life.

A depiction of him carrying an artillery shell now constitutes the official insignia of the Polish 22nd Artillery. 

You can read more about Wotjek at the delightfully profane Badass of the Week website.

THE FELINE PUGILISTIC KINETOGRAPH

Depending on your viewpoint, one of the most delightful or one of the most abhorrent features available on the internet is the plethora of videos of kitties doing cute things. The origins of this controversial practice can be traced back to 1894, when Thomas Edison, in one of his extremely early movies, recorded two cats equipped with boxing gloves duking it out in a ring. Unfortunately, history is silent on which boxer ultimately prevailed, as the film ends before the fight does.

If you wish to see the first cat video ever made, click here. For further information on Edison's early film projects, try this link to Smithsonian Magazine.