Friday, February 28, 2025

THE TERRIFYING TARDIGRADES

Perhaps you recall the 1950s classic horror movie Attack of the Killer Tardigrades. The tardigrades were eight-legged creatures of loathsome appearance with diabolical claws and fierce appetites who were almost impossible to slay. Traveling through the vacuum of outer space without any protection did not kill them. Temperatures as cold as -453 degrees F (-272 degrees C or 1 degree above absolute zero on the Kelvin scale) did not kill them. Temperatures as high as 300 degrees F (150 degrees C) did not kill them. Radiation over 1,000 times the lethal dose to humans did not kill them. Being subjected to pressures of 6,000 atmospheres (roughly equivalent to being at the bottom of Challenger Deep) did not kill them. They spread their reign of terror throughout the earth from the bottom of the sea to the highest mountains.

All right, I must confess; I lied about the movie. There is no such film. However, tardigrades (also known as "water bears" because of their ursine gait) do exist and exhibit the above-described characteristics. But for the fact that the largest ones are only about a half of a millimeter long, they would comprise a deadly threat to humanity. Depending on the particular species, they feed either on plants or small beasties (including each other) and are found all over the earth, although they are especially prevalent among moss and lichens.

They have the ability in a harsh environment, such as caused by a drop in temperatures, to become desiccated, shut down their metabolism, and lose 99% of the water in their body. Such a condition is called a "tun" state, and they can remain in this stasis situation for over thirty years and still recover.

They are not completely immortal, notwithstanding the hyperbole contained within the first paragraph of this Factoid. Exposure to the extreme of extremes of temperature, pressure, and radiation will eventually kill them--for example, they can live only for a few minutes when the temperature is near absolute zero.

If you want to see some water bears in action, find yourself a microscope and a nice moist patch of moss.


Thursday, February 27, 2025

THE CUR VARIABLE


It is fairly common knowledge that due to inbreeding, purebred dogs are often subject to various genetic maladies such as hip dysplasia. Mongrels, with their diverse DNA background, are far less prone to these ailments. In addition, these ordinary mutts also get still another advantage--they generally have a lifespan which exceeds that of their snotty aristocratic "I have papers" cousins by about ten percent.

Wednesday, February 26, 2025

THE DARK SIDE OF DR. LUKE BLACKBURN


Dr. Luke Pryor Blackburn was a Kentucky physician renowned for his compassionate and caring treatment of yellow fever victims during a Bermuda epidemic in 1864 as well as during earlier outbreaks within the United States. Several of his nurses and fellow physicians called him a saint.

No one questioned why Blackburn, during the Bermuda outbreak, would carefully gather up the bed linens and clothes of the yellow fever victims. If they had, they possibly would have realized that he was packing them up in trunks and shipping them to cities in the northern United States, where he expected that the contents of the trunks would be distributed and would cause extensive yellow fever epidemics in the population centers of the Union. He also prepared a valise containing contaminated fine linen shirts which he attempted to have delivered to Abraham Lincoln.

His scheme was discovered around the time of Lincoln’s assassination, and Blackburn fled to Canada, where he was charged with, but acquitted of, violating Canada’s Neutrality Act.

Although he realized that more serious charges could await him in the USA, he nonetheless returned to Kentucky in 1868. He so endeared himself by again saving the sick that he ran as a Democrat for the governorship in 1879 and won. He used his office to make numerous prison reforms, which did not sit well with his political party. 

The 1864 yellow fever terrorist plot turned out to be a bust. Blackburn did not realize (nor did anyone else until 1900) that the disease was spread by mosquitoes and could not be transmitted via contact with contaminated bedding or clothing.

Tuesday, February 25, 2025

58% SHADES OF GRAY

If you wish to improve your night vision, instead of eating carrots, play Call of Duty instead.  A University of Rochester study shows that people who participate in first-person shooting video games improve their ability to distinguish shades of gray by 58%.

Screen shot from Call of Duty United Offensive
copyright Activision--all rights reserved

Monday, February 24, 2025

THE SCATOLOGICAL IMPACT OF "PSYCHO"

Alfred Hitchcock's 1960 film Psycho was groundbreaking in its shock value--and not because of the infamous shower scene. It was the shot immediately prior to the shower scene which gave the movie censors fits and introduced an element so intense that it had never been before depicted on the silver screen. Specifically, the character Marion Crane is shown flushing paper evidence of her recent embezzlement down the toilet. This was the first time that a potty had been featured in a movie, let alone one which was actually flushed. Hitchcock managed, after much argument, to get the scene approved by the censors by maintaining that the flushing of the paper, coupled with a later discovery of an unflushed paper scrap by a private investigator, had to be included in order to advance the plot.

You will recall that the initial magic porcelain seat breakthrough in television occurred three years earlier in Leave it to Beaverwhere Wally and Beaver raised a baby alligator in a toilet tank. However, Leave it to Beaver never dared to push the envelope so far as to show the bowl itself or the toilet being flushed.

Unfortunately, bathroom taboos went totally out of the window in 1977, when the director of Fun with Dick and Jane, for no apparent reason, decided to include a scene where Jane Fonda sits on the throne, urinates, and wipes herself.

Sunday, February 23, 2025

THE CORSAIR COWBOY

Blackbeard. Calico Jack. William Kidd. Henry Morgan. Basil Hood. These are just a few of the names of infamous cutthroat captains who terrorized the seas during the golden age of piracy.

Uh, wait a minute--perhaps Basil Hood does not truly belong in the pantheon of pirate greats after all. To appreciate Hood's achievements, one must first be aware that despite common tropes in movies and books about buccaneers, these nautical robbers did not confine their plunder merely to gold, silver, jewels, and ransomable noblepersons (in fact, Blackbeard's last haul was a chest of medical supplies for his venereal disease-ridden crew). Any merchantable commodity was fair game, including items such as sugar, lumber, and hides--although precious metals and jewels were of course never rejected should the opportunity to secure them present itself. 

Basil Hood decided to dabble in stealing hides--however, he unfortunately chose to take them while they were still being used by their original owners. In other words, Hood aspired to be a cattle rustler. In 1713, he and his crew went ashore and seized a herd of bovines from some very surprised and unresisting farmers and drove them (the cattle, that is--not the farmers) into the hold of his ship with the intent of transporting and selling them at the next port-of-call.

Unfortunately, had Hook had more experience with cattle, he would have known right off that these were not healthy specimens. Instead, he found himself on a vessel with some very sick cows--cows which manifested their illness both by  constant vomiting and diarrhea. And not just a little vomiting or diarrhea--instead, huge quantities described as being ejected with "volcanic" force. Hood and his crew were suffering similar symptoms after being exposed to the terrible miasma emanating from the hold.

In the midst of all this, a British frigate appeared over the horizon. Normally, pirates did not greet British warships with approbation, as no good could come from such an encounter. However, Hood's crew was in no condition to fight,  and they were warming to the concept of some peaceful time in confinement without the aroma of cow vomit and feces--even with the knowledge that said confinement would ultimately be terminated by the hangman's noose. Consequently, Hood surrendered his crew and ship. Well, at least he tried to. Once the fastidious frigate commander got upwind of the stench radiating from the festering vessel, he forwent the aromatic prize, abandoned his pursuit, and turned away. Hood was left to go his merry way and in fact was able eventually to dock and sell the pungent livestock--probably while muttering "enough of this BS."



Saturday, February 22, 2025

HOW TO TRANSPORT A GEM

Public Domain from Wickimedia Commons

One of the most famous, if not the most famous, gems in the world is the 45.52 carat purplish-blue Hope Diamond. From the time of its cloudy origins in the 1600s (where it was then part of a larger diamond of about 112 carats) to its transfer in 1958 to the Smithsonian Institution in Washington, DC, the diamond has been possessed by an assortment of thieves, decapitated royalty, unknown individuals, and rich people. Its history, or what is known of it, is available from the Smithsonian.

It is not an inexpensive stone. It is probably worth about $350 million today. It was donated to the Smithsonian by New York jeweler Harry Winston. Winston did not employ a cadre of armed guards and an armored truck to transport the jewel from New York to its new home in the museum. He merely put it in a box wrapped with brown paper and sent it by registered mail (without even a specific street address), although he did take the precaution of stamping the package "fragile" and insuring it for $1 million.


Rumors abound about the stone being cursed and inflicting horrible consequences on anyone who handles it. Many of these tales no doubt were inspired by the desire of its various owners to inflate its notoriety and consequently its value, although two of these owners--King Louis XVI and Marie Antoinette--probably would not gainsay the possibility that the stone was a conduit of misfortune. At any rate, the curse apparently ran out once the diamond was donated to the Smithsonian, as the Hope Diamond has been one of its star attractions for decades and has enticed many visitors to come to the museum.

Friday, February 21, 2025

THE AMBIGUOUS AMPHICAR

What drives like a car, cruises like a boat, but does neither all that well? If you looked at the title of this factoid, you probably were able to guess correctly "the Amphicar."

The Amphicar Model 770 was a German-made vehicle marketed between 1961 and 1968. Only 3,878 were manufactured. It was a convertible automobile powered by a mighty Triumph 1147 cc, 43 bhp 4-cylinder engine (the engine displacement was eventually modestly increased, yielding 75 bhp). However, unlike other convertibles, you could drive the car straight into the water, engage two propellers in the rear, and use it as a boat. 

Performance as a car was lackadaisical, with a top speed of 70 MPH. The speed as a boat was a leisurely 7 knots. The steering in the boat was not very responsive, as the front wheels served as the only rudder. As a watercraft, it was subject to additional legal requirements such as having registration numbers painted on the side and Coast Guard mandated lights and flags. After each session in the drink, the vehicle required the the greasing at 13 different points and the removal of the rear seat to be able to access all of them. 

Why would anyone buy such a contraption? Well, duh, because they were fun! And probably no one had more fun with an Amphicar than President Lyndon Johnson. Johnson loved to take unsuspecting dignitaries for a ride in the car at his ranch, approach a curve by a lake, yell "Oh #%^&, the brakes are gone!" and then go plummeting into the water while his guests screamed in horror.

Those who are currently blessed by possessing an Amphicar can attend "swim-ins" held throughout the warmer months at various locations in the USA. If you want the Amphicar experience without the headaches of owning and maintaining one, Walt Disney Springs in Orlando will provide you and two others in your group with a ride in a modified version for $125.

I, Dontworry, CC BY-SA 3.0 <http://creativecommons.org/licenses/by-sa/3.0/>, via Wikimedia Commons






Thursday, February 20, 2025

ANOTHER CRITTER WHO SLEEPS WHEREVER IT WANTS



By John Megahan [CC BY 2.5 (http://creativecommons.org/licenses/by/2.5)], via Wikimedia Commons

The biggest and one of the most baddest birds of all time was the wingless moa from New Zealand. Several species existed; the largest was 13 feet tall, resembled an ostrich on steroids, and weighed over 700 pounds. An unarmed human was no match for it.

However, one bird that was even baddester than the moa was the Haast's eagle--the largest eagle in the world.  It was also from New Zealand. The Haast's eagle had moas for breakfast--literally. The Haast's eagle would plummet from a high altitude with the same force as a cinder block falling from an eight-story building, crash into the side of a moa with his talons extended, and then leisurely eat his victim on the ground. Since there was no other creature around foolish enought to tackle a Haast's eagle, this foul fowl did not have to fly away with his prey in order to have a quiet, peaceful meal.

When the Maori tribe settled New Zealand around the 1400s, the supply of moas was drastically reduced both as a result of the skilled hunting* by the humans and the destruction of moa eggs by the livestock which accompanied the Maori. The Haast's eagle population dwindled due to the lack of moas, notwithstanding the fact that the eagles did attack and kill people when moas were not readily available.

Both the moa and Haast's eagle probably became extinct between 1400 and 1800. I use the term "probably" due to the fact that rumors of recent sightings of both species in remote areas of New Zealand still tantalize cryptozoologists.

For a colorful and profane in-depth analysis revealing why Haast's eagles, even if not extinct, nonetheless probably would not replace parakeets in pet stores, please see this delightful website--Badass of the Week.

Oh, by the way, when looking at the picture at the top of this factoid, please remember that the moas running on the ground are substantially taller than any human.

*The skilled hunting included tossing a red-hot rock at the moa, who would ingest it and roast itself internally.  Remember, I said that moas were big. I did not say that they were intelligent.


Wednesday, February 19, 2025

THE PUBLIC SERVICE OF DR. KELLOGG

Corn flakes were first marketed in 1894 by Dr. John Kellogg--primarily for altruistic reasons.  Kellogg was a fervent opponent of masturbation and strongly believed that it was the cause of almost all medical and social ills which inflicted mankind. He thought that the regular eating of corn flakes would lower the sex drive of the consumer and result in a reduction of the hated practice. 

For more information on the medical philosophy of Dr. Kellogg and other modes of treatment he advocated when the corn flakes didn't work, click here for an insightful article on the subject by mental_floss.


(Well, just what kind of picture did you think I was going to use to illustrate this factoid?)

Tuesday, February 18, 2025

MARKETING IS EVERYTHING

Jens Cederskjold, CC BY 3.0 <https://creativecommons.org/licenses/by/3.0>,via Wikimedia Commons
In 1961, artist Piero Manzoni produced 90 tin cans with each containing thirty grams of his own feces and offered them for sale for an equivalent weight in gold. This was actually quite a bargain, because the Tate Museum in London purchased one can in 2002 for 22,400 pounds, and other cans have sold in 2007 for 124,000 euros, in 2008 for 97,250 pounds, and in 2015 for 182,500 pounds.

Manzoni stated that his work was inspired by his father, who purportedly told him that "your art is s---." 

One acquaintance of the artist now claims that the whole project was a fraud and that the cans contain plaster instead of pure excrement. So far, no one has tested this assertion by opening one of the cans and destroying, in the process, hundreds of thousands of dollars worth of art. Other collectors have indicated that some of their cans have exploded over time and that there is no doubt that they had contained the real thing.

Monday, February 17, 2025

CASTOREUM--OUR FRIEND THE BEAVER

Steve from Washington, DC, USA, CC BY-SA 2.0 <https://creativecommons.org/licenses/by-sa/2.0>, via Wikimedia Commons

Castoreum, as the term is used by zoologists, refers to a mixture of beaver urine and the yellow secretion of scent sacs found between the anus and genitals of the adult beaver. Beavers use the substance to mark their territories.

Castoreum, when used for industrial applications, usually has the urine eliminated (so to speak) and just consists of the contents of the scent sacs. 

One of the major purchasers of castoreum is food manufacturers, who use it as a flavor additive for, among other things, vanilla ice cream and raspberry candies and pastries. It is often found in the list of ingredients as "natural flavoring."

I for one am trying to envision the circumstances which led to the happy discovery for this particular use of the product. "Hey Darrell, come take a lick down here right at the base of the tail. It tastes just like vanilla ice cream!"

Sunday, February 16, 2025

JFK'S PAL


In 1962, President Kennedy instituted the "Permissive Action Link" ("PAL") system.  This was the procedure where, in order to launch a nuclear attack, the President had to recite an 8-digit number which would then be forwarded to and dialed in by the various missile launch technicians or the aircraft weapons officers immediately prior to the release of nuclear missiles and bombs.  If the code matched what had been previously programmed into the launch panel, then the nuclear devices would become armed and could be sent on their way.  The launch code was contained in a briefcase called "the football" which was (and still is) carried by a serviceman who accompanies the President wherever he goes.  Fans of Dr. Strangelove and Fail Safe are aware that the code is supposed to be changed daily.

However, as reported by the "Today I Found Out" website, from 1962 until 1977, the code was never changed with respect to all of the Minuteman silos in the United States and in fact remained "00000000" for over fifteen years. The military wanted the ability to fire the missiles as soon as possible if necessary and instructed the launch crews to always have the dials preset to the 8-zero combination.

Saturday, February 15, 2025

"REVENGE OF THE NERDS" DUNG BEETLE STYLE

As with humans, there can be different phenotypes for certain species of male dung beetles.

In the case of beetles from the genus Onthophagus, you have the burly jock Arnold Schwarzenegger he-man (or he-beetle) stereotype. He can easily be recognized by the fact that he is horny--both figuratively and literally. Arnold has no problem picking up women. When he does, he proudly digs a tunnel for his gal, furnishes it with a big ball of poop, and manfully guards the entrance with his horns.

There is also the Leonard Hofstadter physically inept, but freakishly intelligent, nerd stereotype dung beetle. Leonard does not have any horn (or, at best, only vestigial ones) and would not fair well at all in a direct confrontation with Arnold. Leonard has trouble convincing girl dung beetles to go home with him. In order to slake his bodily lusts, Leonard surreptitiously digs a tunnel of his own that intersects underground with Arnold's tunnel. While Arnold is still on sentry duty, Leonard is downstairs servicing Arnold's girlfriend and creating a whole new generation of nerd dung beetles. Of course, if Arnold does catch him, Leonard is, so to speak, in deep doo-doo.

For more insight on the sexual escapades of dung beetles, check out the Natural History Magazine website archives and scroll to the May, 2000 article Dig It and They Will Come.

Shawn Hanrahan, CC BY-SA 2.5 <https://creativecommons.org/licenses/by-sa/2.5>, via Wikimedia Commons
LEONARD (L.) AND ARNOLD (R.)

Friday, February 14, 2025

T.R.--"THIS HOLIDAY SUCKS"

When Theodore Roosevelt was twenty-five years old, he pretty much gave up any enthusiasm he ever had for celebrating St. Valentine's Day.  On February 14, 1884, he lost his beloved 46 year-old mother, Martha, from typhoid fever and, a few hours later, he also lost his equally beloved wife, Alice, to Bright's disease (a kidney disorder)--two days after she had given birth to his first child.

As a result, the bereaved Roosevelt abandoned politics for a few years and fled to the Dakota Badlands to pursue ranching and hunting.

Thursday, February 13, 2025

O.J.'S LOST OPPORTUNITY FOR METHOD ACTING



When Orion Studio executives were casting the first Terminator movie some forty years ago, they wanted the role of the murderous cyborg to go to O.J. Simpson. However, director James Cameron (pictured on the right above) decided that the public would not be able to accept in its mind the concept of Simpson being a killer, so he instead picked a monosyllabic Austrian actor whose prior screen experience consisted primarily of wearing a loincloth while decapitating bad people. It turned out, of course, to be an inspired choice.

Richardw from nl [GFDL (http://www.gnu.org/copyleft/fdl.html)
 via Wikimedia Commons

Wednesday, February 12, 2025

LINCOLN'S DUEL


On September 22, 1842, Abraham Lincoln rowed out from Alton, Illinois to “Bloody Island” in the Mississippi River in order to fight a duel with Illinois State Auditor James Shields. Bloody Island was often the site of such activities for Illinois residents, as it was part of Missouri (where dueling was legal) and not Illinois (where dueling was not). Shields challenged Lincoln to the duel because Lincoln had written (under the false name of “Rebecca”) a letter to the newspaper condemning both Shields’s official policies and personal demeanor. 

Lincoln, as the challengee, had the right to choose the weapons and terms of the duel. Lincoln eschewed pistols because he thought that there would be a good chance that Shields would kill him with such an instrument. Instead, Lincoln chose cavalry broadswords. He also required that the combatants be separated by a wide board with the further admonition that if one of the duelers stepped upon the board, he would “forfeit his life.” Lincoln, being substantially taller than Shields, thought that he would have a great advantage both in wielding a huge sword and in being able to reach over the board much further than his opponent.

Lincoln hoped that the unfair conditions would cause Shields to call off the duel. However, although Shields was a vain popinjay (I know, “vain popinjay” is redundant), he was not a coward and had in fact exhibited considerable valor during the war with Mexico. Shields showed up on Bloody Island with every intention of fighting.

History might have been quite different had he actually done so. However, a mutual friend also rowed out to the island and talked the parties out of the combat. The fact that Lincoln cut off a branch of tree high above him with his sword to demonstrate his long reach probably also was a factor in convincing Shields to abandon the duel. Twenty years later, Lincoln signed a commission appointing Shields as a brigadier general in the Union Army.

Lincoln later on in his life when asked about the near-duel did not deny the veracity of the story but made it clear that he was embarrassed and uncomfortable about the incident and did not wish to discuss it.

Oh—what were Shields’s policies denounced by Lincoln in his letter? Lincoln had asserted that Shields and the rest of the Democrats in the state government had driven Illinois into fiscal ruin and that they were also welshing on paying the state’s lawful debts.* 

An account of Abe's altercation can be found in the children's book Abraham Lincoln's Dueling Words as well as in the blog of the Abraham Lincoln Presidential Library and Museum (which is a cool place to visit if you are ever in Springfield, Illinois).

*"Those who cannot remember the past are doomed to repeat it."--George Santayana

Tuesday, February 11, 2025

THOMAS GRANGER AND HIS EMBRACEABLE EWE

Massachusetts Bay Colony in 1642 was not a hotbed of social opportunities for lonely teenage farmhand Thomas Granger, who spent much time by himself out standing in the field. His family lived in another village, and he had no one for companionship. No one, that is, except for "a mare, a cow, two goats, divers sheepe, two calves, and a turkey." Maybe it was the attraction towards other warm-blooded living beings during those crisp days of approaching autumn in New England, maybe it was a burst of vigorous adolescent hormones coursing through young Thomas's system, or maybe it was just idle curiosity--at any rate, poor Master Granger made the mistake of slaking his bodily lusts with the aforesaid critters. It was a fatal error in judgment, which led to Granger, on September 7, 1642, of achieving the not-so-desirable role of becoming the earliest known juvenile of European descent to be executed in the New World.

Thomas ultimately confessed to his sins, and he turned state's evidence by identifying the particular animals involved, thus ensuring that those sheep who were innocent would not also be punished with the guilty. Justice was swift and certain with an expedited trial one day and Thomas's demise by hanging the next. Prior to his death, Granger's co-defendants listed above (except for those sheep who were acquitted) also were subjected to the supreme penalty, as mandated by Leviticus 20:15 ("And if a man shall lie with a beast, he shall surely be put to death: and ye shall slay the beast"). 

For some contemporary remarks about this tragic affair of the heart, see this excerpt from Governor William Bradford's diary of Plymouth Plantation.

By Michael Palmer (Own work)
[CC BY-SA 4.0 (http://creativecommons.org/licenses/by-sa/4.0)],
 via Wikimedia Commons

Monday, February 10, 2025

HITLER'S SECRET WEAPON

In 1937, the U.S. Army contracted with Hershey's Chocolate to develop a candy bar which would not melt and which would contain enough nutrients to provide a full meal for the troops in the field.  The Army, in order to discourage soldiers from eating the candy prematurely, required that it taste little better than a "boiled potato." 

Hershey's took the unpalatable requirement to an extreme and, with the use of oat flour and excessive cacao, produced the D-ration--an extremely bitter concoction hard enough break teeth.  It also was called "Hitler's secret weapon" because of the unmentionable things it would do to the Americans' digestive tracts (for a genuine example of WWII alimentary warfare, click here).

Hershey's throughout the war produced about 24 million bars a week for the military, including a later version which was marginally more edible.

Many soldiers gladly shared their chocolate with starving youngsters in the war-torn areas. The recipients did not mind how it tasted.

D-ration photo courtesy of Hershey Community Archives at
http://www.hersheyarchives.org/

Sunday, February 9, 2025

THE ECSTASY OF CASU MARZU

By Shardan (Own work)
 [CC BY-SA 2.5 (http://creativecommons.org/licenses/by-sa/2.5)],
 via Wikimedia Commons



One of the most delightful Mediterranean dishes is "Casu  Marzu" from Sardinia. It is also called "maggot cheese."

To produce this scrumptious product, take ordinary sheep's milk cheese and expose it outside to cheese flies (Piophila casei). The flies will lay their eggs resulting in, of course, maggots. The maggots will ingest the cheese and excrete Casu Marzu from a specialized orifice called a "maggot anus." Eventually, you will have available for serving to your honored guests a malodorous ball of feces infested with larvae with a taste that will burn the tongue. Tradition requires that the diners eat the larvae along with the cheese.

Although now illegal in Sardinia, the cheese is still highly regarded and can be found often at formal occasions where simple caviar will not do. The maggots are very active and can flick themselves six inches into the air. If you are at a Sardinian wedding and hear a clicking sound followed by an "ow," it probably means that a guest tried the cheese and a maggot landed in his eye.

Even if the larvae fail to inflict an eye injury, they are very hardy and will often survive the trip through the stomach and will end up in the intestines, where they will provoke vomiting and bloody diarrhea by attempting to bore through the intestinal wall.

To see how maggot cheese is made and Chef Gordon Ramsey's response to its flavor, click here.

Saturday, February 8, 2025

THE CRANIAL FOB INTERACTION

As anyone with a modern electronic key fob for a car which unlocks/locks the doors, blows the horn, flashes the headlights, and opens the trunk etc. knows, there is obviously a limit to the range of the signal. However, what not everyone realizes is that you can extend the range that the fob works by using your head. Specifically, if you jam the fob next to your skull when you are operating it, it will function at a greater distance than normal.

Essentially, regardless of whether or not you have a mind full of mush, it is always also saturated with water molecules. When the fob is next to your head, the electromagnetic waves causes the positive and negative ions in the water to oscillate in the same pattern as the electromagnetic waves, and your brain becomes a giant antenna which amplifies the signal of the key fob.*

As demonstrated in this video by Professor Roger Bowley of the University of Nottingham, you can get a similar effect by holding the fob next to a gallon jug of water.

Therefore, the next time you lose track of where you parked your car in a large lot, cram the fob next to your temple and press the appropriate buttons until you hear the horn or see the lights.

*Kinda makes you wonder what keeping a cell phone pressed to your head for long periods of time is doing to those ions in your brain, doesn't it?

Friday, February 7, 2025

OHIO--THE 48TH STATE?


In 1953, Congress adopted legislation admitting Ohio as a state. Prior to this time, many persons were under the general impression that Ohio had already joined the Union in 1803. However, when preparing for celebrations for the 150th anniversary of statehood in 1953, the organizers discovered that there was never a joint resolution signed by Congress formally admitting Ohio as the 17th state. In order to resolve any potential legal complications, the Ohio legislature approved a new petition for statehood. At the federal level, Ohioan George Bender of the U.S. House of Representatives introduced a bill which would admit Ohio retroactively as of March 1, 1803. Congress passed the joint resolution which was then signed by President Eisenhower on August 7, 1953. 

For reasons explained in exquisite and painstaking detail by The Green Papers, it may not have been legally necessary in the first place to have a joint Congressional resolution admitting Ohio (or, for that matter, any other state). Nonetheless, creative tax protesters have argued that the 1953 date applies and that since William Howard Taft was born in Ohio prior to it becoming a state in 1953, he was not a natural-born citizen and was thus barred by the Constitution from becoming President. The protesters then conclude that the 16th Amendment to the Constitution, which authorized the income tax, was as a result invalid when it was adopted during Taft's Presidency in 1913. These arguments have been universally found wanting by the courts who have considered the issue. 

Thursday, February 6, 2025

HOW TO SELL TIME


In 1836, the Royal Observatory at Greenwich could compute the time accurately down to the exact second. However, in a era where there was no radio, TV, internet, or telephones, there was no way a business miles from the observatory could benefit from this information in order to set its clocks.

John Henry Belville, an astronomer and meteorologist who worked at the observatory, saw the situation as a way to make a few extra pounds. He set up a horological subscription service where he sold the exact time to patrons in London. Each week, Belville would synchronize his superbly accurate pocket chronometer (which he named "Arnold") to the observatory and then take the chronometer around to his customers, who would then use it to set their own clocks.

Belville eventually died (duh) and left his business and Arnold to his wife and then to his daughter. The family shut down the service altogether in 1940, when modern technology had made it pretty well useless.

One of the primary reasons the Royal Observatory was so temporally obsessed  was that the vessels in the Royal Navy needed to know the exact time in order to calibrate a ship's chronometer before going on a voyage. A good chronometer was crucial in determining longitude while navigating.


Wednesday, February 5, 2025

NAZI OENOPHILIA

If you still harbor any doubts that our society is a little sick, I invite you to peruse the website of an Italian wine company who offers a wide variety of products labeled with a picture of Hitler or one of his myrmidons, such as Himmler, Goering, or Eva Braun. Theoretically, the packaging was designed for history buffs, but according to the Simon Wiesenthal Center, the vast majority of purchasers appear to be either bona fide Neo-nazis or younger folks who really know little about the Nazi Party except that they can shock people by pretending to embrace its philosophy.

Tuesday, February 4, 2025

THE KILLER SMOG

For five days commencing on December 5, 1952 in London, a combination of a temperature inversion, fumes from the burning of low-grade coal in furnaces and fireplaces, and heavy fog lead to the formation of a deadly smog which was essentially sulfuric acid vapor. It was originally thought that 4,000 people died as a result of their lungs filling with pus, but later studies indicate that the immediate death toll was actually closer to 12,000, in addition to an unknown number of persons whose lifespans were shortened as a result of damage to their pulmonary systems.

Monday, February 3, 2025

JUST STELLA YOU LOVE HER



The "Stella" was an experimental U.S. four-dollar gold coin first issued in 1879. It featured on the front Liberty in either a flowing or coiled hair style and a star on the back. The obverse of the coin also indicates the individual amounts of gold, silver, and copper in each unit.

The coin was intended to be used internationally. There were patterns made in several different kinds of metals, and gold examples of the flowing hair style dated 1879 were made available to members of Congress (but to no one else) by the mint. 

Congress did not authorize the general production of the coin, and only a few hundred examples were made--including some made in 1880 surreptitiously by the mint to sell to collectors. 

Oddly enough, shortly after the Congressmen acquired their 1879 flowing hair gold Stellas, the very same coins started showing up mounted on necklaces worn by the madams of some of the most venerable brothels in the District of Columbia, creating a scandal which titillated Washington high society.

Today, a Stella in top condition can easily fetch its owner a sum in the seven-figures.