#332--THE URSINE ARTILLERY UTILITY

Wojtek as a youth

In general, 1939 was a bad year for the Poles, with Germany eviscerating them on the west and the USSR disemboweling them on the east. In the east, those Polish troops who survived both the initial battles as well as the subsequent genocide were shipped off to gulags in Siberia.

Once Hitler betrayed Stalin and attacked Russia in 1941, the Russians suddenly decided that the Poles weren't so bad after all and determined that they were suitable for use as cannon fodder against the Germans. Inexplicably, however, most of the Poles who had been previously imprisoned by the Soviet Union had limited enthusiasm for fighting for that country. These malcontents were generally shipped to Iran where they were allowed to join the British Army.

While in Iran, members of the Polish 22nd Transport Artillery Supply Company encountered a young lad who was carrying a sack containing a very malnourished brown bear cub. The Polish soldiers purchased the cub and starting fattening him up on a diet whose major component was beer. The bear became the mascot of the company. 

The bear thrived in his new environment and learned to march on two legs with the rest of the troops (or ride in a jeep when motorized transportation was available) and salute officers. He became very fond of smoking cigarettes, guzzling beer, and wrestling with his human companions. He loved hot showers and eventually had to be locked out of the bathhouse because of his skill in manipulating the faucets and turning them on. One day, he sneaked in when someone left the door open and discovered an enemy spy. Rather than negotiate with a 500-pound brown bear, the agent ran out to surrender to the Poles, and the bear received extra beer and cigarettes that evening.

Eventually, the British sent the Poles over to fight in Italy. The Brits initially banned the bear from accompanying the unit, but the Poles formally enlisted the bear and provided him with a serial number. This procedure satisfied the legal technicalities, and the bear went to war.

At the Battle of Monte Cassino, the Poles were sent against hardened German troops who had withstood two prior assaults from other units. The bear observed his human companions lug ammunition up to the guns on the front lines. Thinking that this might be fun, the bear pitched in and worked day and night on his hind legs hauling artillery shells and 100-lb boxes of ammo to the front while totally ignoring the gunfire and sounds of battle. Maybe he wasn't smarter than the average bear after all, but he never dropped a round.  At any rate, the ursine demonstrated that he was truly worthy of the name which had been bestowed upon him during his cubhood--namely, "Wojtek," which means "takes joy in battle."

The Germans, however, probably did not take joy in the battle. You can imagine one demoralized Nazi soldier screaming to another "Hans, what the @#$%? They have @#$%-ing bears fighting for them now?"

After several other bear-attended martial engagements and the end of the war, many of the Poles emigrated to Scotland as an alternative to living in Soviet-dominated Poland (it really was dominated by the Soviets, notwithstanding what Gerald Ford said in 1976). Wojtek spend his remaining years, until his death in 1963, in the Edinburgh Zoo, wrestling with his former war buddies and bumming beers and cigarettes. By all reports, notwithstanding the possible non-compliance with PETA guidelines, Wotjek had a very enjoyable life.

A depiction of him carrying an artillery shell now constitutes the official insignia of the Polish 22nd Artillery. 

You can read more about Wotjek at the delightfully profane Badass of the Week website.