BALLOONING INTERNATIONAL ACRIMONY

At the height of the Cold War*, President Eisenhower authorized "Project Genetrix." Project Genetrix involved the release of weather balloons over the Soviet Union, Eastern Europe, and China which were equipped with cameras which would automatically take photos during the daylight hours. The 200-foot tall balloons normally flew at 50,000 feet (15,000 meters) to 100,000 feet (30,000 meters) high and were generally out of the range of fighter aircraft. They and their photographic treasure trove would be recaptured by specially-equipped US aircraft after the balloons had soared over the enemy country.

The balloons and gondola were very flimsy and invisible to radar. Or so the Americans thought. Unfortunately, one of the steel support rods was 91 centimeters long, which happened to be the same wavelength as a frequency used by Soviet early warning radar. As a result, the balloons popped up on Russian radar screens as conspicuously as Barack Obama at an NRA convention.

The Soviets were very irritated and implemented the usual diplomatic blustering. They also quickly realized that the balloons at sunrise, after a cold night's flight, could be found at a lower altitude within the range of their MiG fighters. As a result, after less than a month, Eisenhower cancelled the project when only 54 out of 516 balloons were able to be retrieved by the Americans. Out of those 54 balloons, only 31 provided usable photos.

The project was not a total bust, however--at least from the viewpoint of the Soviets. Upon recovering the cameras from the balloons that they shot down, they discovered how the Americans had made temperature-resistant film which was also immune to external radiation. This enlightenment resolved a problem the Russians were encountering in designing their space program.

High-altitude reconnaissance by the USA resumed with its U-2 program, which ultimately resulted in its own set of political difficulties.

*From what I can tell, the "height of the Cold War" has been used to refer to virtually any date from the defeat of the Nazis in 1945 to the collapse of the Berlin Wall in 1989. Project Generix ran from January 10, 1956 to February 6, 1956.

THE COLUMBIAN PREVARICATIONS

One of the most cherished American heroes, at least when I was a youth, was Christopher Columbus. One of history's most cherished legends, at least when I was a youth, was that all of Europe was gobsmacked, as a result of Columbus's initial voyage, to learn that the world might be round. In reality, it was common knowledge for around two hundred years prior to 1492 that the earth was not flat, that intrepid sailors did not risk sailing off of the edge, and that Columbus's daring plan to sail around the world was daring only because no one exactly knew how large the world was and, as a corollary, whether or not he had enough provisions for the voyage. The source of the misconception (i.e. lie) was the book The Life and Voyages of Christopher Columbus authored by Washington Irving in 1828.

Another such misconception was the common belief that Columbus was the first European to discover America. That honor instead probably goes to Leif Erikkson, who apparently set foot in Canada around the year 1000.

One final facet of Columbus history which was not really discussed when I was in school was his enthusiastic practice of genocide and torture with respect to Native Americans. Adolf Eichmann could have picked up quite a few pointers from this guy. Natives under the benign rule of Columbus could look forward to having their hands cut off if they did not produce enough gold, as well as evisceration, crushing by horses, being buried alive, and watching their babies roasted on spits and hacked into pieces for use as dog food.

MIGHTY MAUS

On the theory of "the bigger, the better," Adolf Hitler authorized development of a supertank ironically called the "Maus" ("mouse"). It weighed 220 tons (200 metric tons) at a time when ordinary tanks were around 30 tons (27 metric tons) and even the massive King Tiger still weighed only 75 tons (68 metric tons). It was armored with steel ranging from 7.4 inches (18.8 cm) to 9.8 inches (24.9 cm) thick.

Because of its huge weight, it could not go onto city streets or across bridges without them collapsing.  In order to traverse a river, it had to drive on the bottom and feed air to the engine through a snorkel. It had a top speed under ideal conditions of less than 8 miles per hour.

German tank expert General Heinz Guderian thought the whole Maus concept ridiculous, especially since the tank had no machine guns for its self-defense, leaving it vulnerable to any Allied serviceman (or dog) who would trot by with a satchel of high explosive. He was overruled by the industrialists who designed the tank and Hitler.

The only Maus which was actually built is pictured below and is currently displayed at the Kubinka Tank Museum outside of Moscow. The Soviets captured the tank factory before full production was in gear and assembled the tank from a hull and turret which had been completed by the Germans. The Soviets tested the armor by shooting various anti-tank rounds at it and found that the Maus possibly would have done very well in battle, provided that it could have gotten there in a timely fashion in the first place.

Superewer [Public domain], via Wikimedia Commons

THE STELLAR REINFORCEMENT

Many brick or masonry buildings built prior to the 20th century have iron stars or other geometric shapes on the outside walls.  Each device, often called an "anchor plate," is actually a giant washer at the end of a rod which runs through the building and is fastened by another similar plate on the outside wall of the opposite side of the structure.  This rod braces the building and helps prevent it from shifting or collapsing.  These anchoring systems are especially common in towns susceptible to hurricanes or earthquakes, such as Charleston, South Carolina or San Francisco.  In many cases, the systems were installed after a natural disaster struck in order to prevent further movement of an already damaged structure.

By GrammarFascist (Own work)
[CC BY-SA 4.0 (http://creativecommons.org/licenses/by-sa/4.0)],
 via Wikimedia Commons

THE GHOSTBUSTERS CASE

In 1989, New York City resident Jeffrey Strambovsky entered into a contract with Helen Ackley to purchase Ackley's Victorian house in Nyack, New York for $650,000. Neither Ackley nor her real estate agent bothered to mention during the negotiations that the home also featured three resident ghosts. Upon hearing of the haunting--after signing the contract but prior to closing--Strambovsky filed a lawsuit for damages and for rescission (a legal term meaning "I want to wuss out of the deal") based on Ackley's failure to disclose a condition (i.e. the presence of ghosts) of the property which could not otherwise be determined by a reasonable inspection of the real estate.

Ackley's lawyer, invoking the doctrine of caveat emptor ("let the buyer beware") convinced the lower court that the seller did not have a duty to tell the potential buyer every little thing which could be wrong with the property, as long as she did not affirmatively misrepresent the facts by specifically saying "the house is not haunted." If the buyer simply failed to ask if there were spirits on the property, it was his fault for not doing so. 

The appellate court, however, in a 3-2 opinion, reversed the decision. Ackley had several times in the past told local newspapers as well as the Reader's Digest that the house was occupied by ghosts. Having done so, she was "estopped" from asserting at trial a contrary position, and the judges therefore presumed, at least legally, that the house was haunted. The appellate court further determined that a haunted house is worth less than an unhaunted one, that Strambovsky had no reason to suspect that it was haunted, and that equity required that he be able to squirm out of the contract. The court further pointed out that were it to rule otherwise, the standard home inspection done for a buyer would include not only a structural engineer and a guy from Terminix but also a medium or a psychic. 

The court did find, however, that Ackley did not owe Strambovsky additional money for damages, as she did not affirmatively lie about the haunting but merely failed to mention it.

The spectre of yielding to the temptation to shade this factoid with numerous ghost puns is overwhelming. However, the court in its opinion already did so, and in the spirit of compassion, as well as in the interest of avoiding my readers' wraith, I will not repeat them here.

View image | gettyimages.com

THANKSGIVING CHRONOLOGICAL ANOMALIES

In 1621, the Pilgrims at Plymouth Colony celebrated the first Thanksgiving along with their guests from the Wampanoag Tribe, who contributed five deer to the communal meal.

Well, actually, it was not really the first Thanksgiving. On September 8, 1565, Don Pedro Menendez de Aviles from Spain landed at what is now St. Augustine, Florida, and was peacefully greeted by the Timucua Tribe. He celebrated a Thanksgiving Mass in gratitude for his safe arrival in the New World and broke bread with the natives (most likely, hardtack, along with chickpeas, wine, and salted pork from the Spanish supplies and fish, game, beans, corn and squash from the locals).

But what about the French? On June 30, 1564, over a year before the Spanish gluttony, French explorer Rene Goulaine de Laudonnière organized a Thanksgiving feast for his crew and the Timucuas near what is now Jacksonville, Florida. The French provisions had been pretty well depleted, but the natives saved the day by providing a variety of grains, fruits and game--including barbecued alligator. 

So, was the 1621 shindig at least the third Thanksgiving? Maybe not. There were numerous other explorers who provided thanks when they safely arrived in America, and, no doubt, some of these occasions involved the Europeans sharing food with the Native Americans who greeted them (or more likely, accepting food from the Native Americans who greeted them). However, the passage of time has obfuscated what actually went on in these other encounters, so we cannot say for sure how many Thanksgivings preceded 1621.

So, why do we normally count the Pilgrims' dinner party as the first Thanksgiving? Well, duh. The victors get to write the history, and the English and their descendants eventually elbowed the French and Spanish out of what became the USA.

Speaking of Thanksgiving, do not forget that you should NOT wash your turkey.

ERADICATING GARMENT DISTRICT ERETHISM

One of the boons in the 19th century for seamstresses as well as for clothing manufacturers was the invention of the treadle sewing machine--a device similar to modern sewing machines except that it was powered not by electricity but instead by the operator using her foot (or feet) to pump a pedal up and down.

While this made sewing much easier and faster than doing it by hand, it purportedly had a deleterious effect on the operator, as reported in the British Medical Journal on January 12, 1867. According to the author of the article, Dr. Langdon H. Down, MD, seamstresses were being overcome by the various ills associated with masturbation--all as a result of the operator receiving sexual stimulation from her legs rubbing together during the use of the machine. To Dr. Down's credit, he specifically rejected genital mutilation as a cure for this problem. He proposed instead a regimen of pouring cold water on the patient, administering potassium bromide and iron salts, outdoor exercise, and finding a different line of work for the patient in order to combat this serious medical condition.

Perhaps in an effort to circumvent claims under the then new worker's compensation laws, some clothing factories purportedly put bromide in the drinking water of their female employees and hired supervisors to make sure that the seamstresses were not operating their machines "too fast."

By Vincent de Groot - http://www.videgro.net
 (Own work)  via Wikimedia Commons

A DANGLING PROPOSITION

During World War I, blimps would sometimes hide in a cloud and suspend an observer on a rope ladder about 100 feet (30 meters) below outside of the cloud. The observer would have a clear view of enemy activity but would not be nearly as visible as the blimp itself if it was not in the cloud.

You may think that the job of observer would not be highly coveted, but the contrary is true. If the observer was spotted, enemy planes and anti-aircraft guns would concentrate on the blimp as a far more valuable and easily hit target. If the blimp was hit, the observer at least would have a chance of parachuting and escaping death, while his comrades aboard the ship would be instantly engulfed in a ball of hydrogen-fueled flame.

However, the above factors pale in comparison to the real reason why everyone wanted the observer's job. Quite simply, it was the only place that a blimp crewman was allowed to smoke.

View image | gettyimages.com

THE "BRING YOUR CHILD TO WORK" PITFALL

You will recall that Ernest Hemingway blew his chances of obtaining the "Father of the Year" Award when he placed his children in harm's way while chasing Nazi U-Boats in his cabin cruiser. Another father who embraced the same laissez-faire philosophy with respect to child endangerment was General Ulysses S. Grant, who, with the blessings of his wife, allowed his 11-year old son Frederick to accompany him on his quest to slaughter Confederates. During one campaign in 1863, Frederick, then at the hoary age of twelve, was shot in the leg and nearly had to have it amputated. As a result, Mama Grant withdrew her consent, and Frederick's military career was put on hold until 1866, when he became a cadet at West Point. 

Frederick eventually achieved the rank of Major General and also served as the Police Commissioner of New York City and Minister to Austria-Hungary. Just like his dad, he died in his early sixties from throat cancer.

For further information on the young Grant's Civil War experiences, click here. For a brief biography of the lesser-known General Grant, click here.

By Bain News Service, publisher, via Wikimedia Commons

THE THUMB WAR

"Vault Boy" poster at video game store

A common rule of thumb (quite literally) in the atomic age involves the calculation of the intensity of a nuclear bomb blast. Specifically, if you stick your arm all of the way out and can cover the image of the mushroom cloud with your thumb, you will be far away from the blast that the heat, shock wave, and fallout, when they eventually arrive, will be too weak to affect you. At least, that is what the theory says.

The rule is also supposed to apply to everyone regardless of body size. For those persons with smaller thumbs, they will also have shorter arms, which means that the thumb will be closer to the eye and its image will effectively cover about the same amount of area as perceived by a larger individual.

The thumb test has been incorporated within the Fallout series of electronic role-playing games featuring a post-apocalyptic society ravaged by nuclear conflict. "Vault Boy," the mascot of the game series (as well as that of "Vault Tec," a corporate entity featured in the games), is often depicted in thumb-up configuration gazing at atomic explosions.

Is there any validity to the rule? The possibility at least exists that it may serve as a rough test for the effect of the shock wave and the heat, although there would still be several variables, such as the size of the bomb, the altitude of detonation, the presence of buildings, and the topography of the area in general. Fallout can travel huge distances over time, and the rule is probably not at all effective for that purpose.

Personally speaking, if I were ever to see a fresh atomic explosion, I will not be standing out in the open gawking at the blast with an upright opposable digit waiting to be shredded by the potential shock wave. I will be rushing instead to get my loved ones behind a concrete wall in the basement, irregardless* of whether or not I can obscure the mushroom cloud with my thumb.

As "irregardless" has been in use for over a century and is found in most dictionaries, it is in fact a word, and it means the same thing as "regardless," just as "inflammable" means the same as "flammable." So get over it.

View image | gettyimages.com

Thanks (or should I say "thumbs up?") to Michael Green for the heads up on this factoid!

THE UNCLEAN ARMADILLO

Armadillos, because of their longevity and low body temperature, are one of the very few animals other than man which can be afflicted with leprosy.  It is estimated that about 5% of armadillos in Texas and Louisiana have the disease.

As of July 22, 2015, nine persons in Florida alone were diagnosed with leprosy, most likely from armadillos, in the preceding seven-month period.

To avoid transmission of leprosy from an armadillo, follow a few basic rules.

1.  Do not eat an armadillo.

2.  Do not have sex with an armadillo.

3.  Do not kiss an armadillo.

4.  Do not share toothbrushes, utensils, or needles with an armadillo.

5.  Do not accept blood transfusions from an armadillo.

6.  Do not get sneezed upon by an armadillo.

It is believed that in most cases, the disease is transmitted to gourmands who violate Rule No. 1 or trappers who violate Rule No. 6.

View image | gettyimages.com

LOCOMOTIVE PYROMANIA

As any viewer of westerns is aware, American steam locomotives in the 19th century frequently sported huge and flamboyant diamond-shaped smokestacks. However, their brethren in most parts of Europe more often featured a modest little pipe as the smoke exhaler--a design which was ultimately also employed by later American steam locomotives.

The explanation for the two different styles is simple. Early American locomotives had available large tracts of virgin forests which could easily yield huge quantities of cordwood for fuel. Hence, in young America, it was most economical to employ wood-burning steam engines. One negative feature of this type of locomotive was that it spewed out prodigious quantities of sparks which would ignite vegetation along the roadbed as well as the garments of passengers. The diamond-shaped stack concealed a commonly used variation of a smoke arrestor which would lessen, but not totally eliminate, the risk of ember-induced fire.

European countries were more industrialized and had easy access to coal. The coal-powered locomotive was far less promiscuous about ember-belching and did not require, under most circumstances, elaborate spark arrestors. When the United States settled down and became more industrialized, it too used coal or oil as a fuel for its steam locomotives and converted to the dainty little smokestacks.

View image | gettyimages.com

View image | gettyimages.com

THE HIRSUTE EQUATION

Rapunzel's hairy ladder is actually quite plausible, provided that it was long enough. A strand of human hair is strong enough to hold 3.5 ounces. The average princess has 100,000 to 150,000 hairs on her head, which means that a hair rope could possibly support approximately 16 tons without breaking. However, before trying to lift sixteen tons of Number 9 coal with your golden locks, don't forget that it only takes about one ounce to pull a single hair from your scalp. In other words, hoisting anything much over 3 tons will rip your ponytail right out of your scalp. And, parenthetically, if you thereafter gave the hair to someone else, you might even be charged with tress-passing.

The underlying information in this factoid is courtesy of, once again, the delightful publication mental_floss.

View image | gettyimages.com

FIN-ISHING TOUCHES

The tail fin craze with automobiles started out with demure little bumps in 1948, reached its zenith with the 1959 Cadillac (pictured below), and petered out in 1962. Although used by most manufacturers, the fins were specifically marketed by Chrysler as a safety feature as they allegedly provided "directional stability" to help keep the car on a straight path down the road.

Bicyclists who accidentally impaled themselves on the fins (and survived) had slightly more colorful descriptions for them than "safety feature."

Photo by Christer Johansson via Wikimedia

DEATH RIDES A PALE VAN

The People's Republic of China, which carries out thousands of executions a year (the exact number is kept secret), has a fleet of dozens of shiny modern killing vans cruising throughout the country waiting and ready for customers. Each is equipped with a lethal injection chamber. The vans are currently supplementing, but have not yet fully replaced, the alternative PRC method of execution, which is a gunshot wound to the head (with the relatives of the deceased required to pay for the bullet before the body will be released to them).

Jinguan, one of the the manufacturers of the vans, is proud of its product and will provide color brochures in English and Chinese for any potential purchasers in foreign countries. 

There are at least 68 offences in the PRC which are capital crimes, including tax evasion. A convicted prisoner is allowed one appeal--frequently without the assistance of counsel. The execution is carried out immediately after an appeal is denied.

Although organ harvesting has been illegal in the PRC since 2006, activists claim that the vans still provide an excellent source of organs for transplant, as the execution procedure can be done under sterile conditions and the executees are always cremated afterwards, leaving no evidence of whether or not any of their body parts were removed after death. 

The Red Chinese were not the first to come up with the concept of a death chamber in a motor vehicle. That distinction, of course, belongs to the Nazis.

View image | gettyimages.com

THE CONTRACTING CEREBRUM CONUNDRUM

Contrary to expectations, the human brain has been shrinking in size over the last 20,000 years.  The average male brain once had a volume of about 1500 cc; however, it is now about 1350 cc--a difference about the size of a tennis ball. Female brains, which were slightly smaller to start with, have also shrunk proportionately.

One theory is that 20,000 years ago, individuals had to be a lot more self-reliant and had to have extra intelligence because no one else would be providing them with food, shelter, medical care, clothes, and protection from predators (trying to avoid being eaten can especially require a lot of thought and concentration). This theory would be consistent with observations about wild animals who have become domesticated, as they almost always evolve to smaller brains after several generations of living off of the largesse of humans. The only flaw with this hypothesis is that although it may explain why not as much intelligence may be needed in modern times and why a smaller brain would be adequate, it does not account for why evolution would affirmatively favor the smaller brain instead of just leaving it at its older larger size.

The second theory is that evolution resulted in the brain of each person developing more slowly than it used to and that a modern brain is simply an old-fashioned juvenile brain which never grew to its full adult potential. It is believed that individuals with full adult brains would have been a lot more aggressive than those with juvenile brains. As societies formed and there was less and less self-reliance and more dependence on the group, aggressive individuals with adult brains who went around committing self-indulgent orgies of rape, murder, and pillaging would be executed by the group and their genetic contributions eliminated.

Under either theory, evolution is favoring the preservation of less intelligent individuals who need to be supported by others and is eschewing smarter individuals who are self-reliant. In other words, no matter how counter-intuitive it may seem, the highest and most-evolved life forms vote for Democrats.

View image | gettyimages.com

THE BEAVER/MILKY WAY COMMONALITY

You will recall from a previous factoid that castoreum from beaver anal glands is used to make raspberry flavoring for candy, pastries, and the like. If the thought of using beaver anal secretions in your recipes really, truly, bothers you, then there is another potential source of raspberry flavoring, although it is a little harder to obtain.

Astronomers have been searching the heart of the Milky Way Galaxy with radio telescopes in an attempt to locate amino acids--the basic building blocks of life on earth. While they have not yet found them, they did ascertain that the center of the galaxy contains large amounts of ethyl formate. Ethyl formate is the compound which gives real raspberries their delightful flavor. In addition, if smelled instead of consumed, it has the aroma of rum.

In short, the center of the Milky Way would probably be a delightful place to be, with the flavor of raspberries and the odor of rum. However, it is approximately 100,000 light years, or about 588,000,000,000,000,000 miles (945,000,000,000,000,000 km), away (which is far).

View image | gettyimages.com

THE MASKED MAN CHROMATIC ABERRATION

Everyone knows that the Lone Ranger was supposed to wear an iconic black mask. He actually did so for the last two years that he was on television--1956 and 1957, when the episodes were filmed in color. However, from 1949 through 1955, when the shows were shot in black-and-white, he sported purple face gear. On black-and-white TV, the purple appeared to have been even a blacker black than if an actual black mask had been used.

By Pleasure Island Uploaded by We hope
 at en.wikipedia [Public domain], via Wikimedia Commons

#346--THE BASEBALL IMMACULATENESS CAUSATION

It was an overcast misty afternoon in New York City on August 16, 1920. Yankees pitcher Carl Mays (pictured below) was standing on the mound at the Polo Grounds plying his trade against the Cleveland Indians. Mays lobbed a throw at a popular Cleveland batter, shortstop Ray Chapman, and was rewarded with a loud "CRACK" that echoed throughout the stadium.

When the ball dribbled back to Mays from home plate, he threw it to first base. It was then that Mays, the other players, and the thousands of fans realized that the "CRACK" was not generated from Chapman's bat--it had come instead from his skull. Chapman had stood crouched over the plate and did not move a muscle until he was beaned by Mays's pitch. After the pitch, Chapman fell twice while trying unsuccessfully to stagger to first base.

Despite surgery, Chapman died of his head injuries later that night. His pregnant bride was greeted with the news when she stepped off of the train in New York and promptly fainted.

Mays had a well-deserved reputation as an aggressive pitcher, an afficionado of spitballs (which were legal at the time), and a general all-round surly SOB who liked to throw inside at any batter who crowded the plate and who even once heaved the ball at a heckling fan. Most observers, however, believed that the tragedy was a true accident and that Mays did not intend to hit Chapman. The misty afternoon and the soiled tobacco-stained baseball both probably resulted in Chapman simply not seeing the ball. Mays was highly remorseful over the accident and tried to surrender himself to the District Attorney; however, no charges were filed over what has been the only beanball fatality ever in major league baseball.

Mays continued playing the sport. However, notwithstanding having impressive stats, he died in 1971 without ever making the Hall of Fame, no doubt due in part to his normally disagreeable personality and the stigma of pitching the fatal ball to Chapman. 

Nonetheless, Mays did leave a legacy as a result of that dreary and deadly August afternoon. Spitballs are no more, at least not legally. And, during the course of each game, umpires are now constantly throwing in new bright pure-as-the-driven-snow replacement baseballs so that the projectile is always clearly visible to all players. It is believed by those who know these things that this particular concession to baseball hygiene led to higher-scoring games and increased fan interest.

You might also think that this tragedy would have been the impetus for immediate adaption of batting helmets by major league baseball. If so, you would be wrong, as it was decades before there was universal use by batters of protective headgear.

By Harris & Ewing, photographer
[Public domain], via Wikimedia Commons

VETERANS DAY

Veterans Day (which does not have an apostrophe when spelled correctly) in America was instituted by proclamation by President Woodrow Wilson in 1919 as a tribute to those who had served in the armed forces during World War I. Originally called "Armistice Day," it fell on November 11 of each year to commemorate the end of the "War to End All Wars" which occurred on the eleventh hour of the eleventh day of the eleventh month in 1918. President Franklin Roosevelt signed a bill into law on May 13, 1938 making Armistice Day an official federal holiday.

On June 1, 1954, President Eisenhower signed legislation renaming the holiday as "Veterans Day" in order to honor all of those who had served in the armed forces--not just the combatants from World War I.

Congress, in 1968, cheapened the holiday by making it the fourth Monday in October (starting in 1971) so that federal employees could get a three-day weekend. President Gerald Ford, in 1975, moved the holiday back to its traditional November 11 date, commencing in 1978.

Is Veterans Day redundant in light of the fact that Americans celebrate Memorial Day in May? Not really. Veterans Day is supposed to pay tribute to all American veterans, living and dead, regardless if they served during war or peacetime. Memorial Day was established to honor those veterans who died while serving in their country's armed forces.

It is good that veterans have a day dedicated to them each year. It might even be better if more of them also had jobs, housing, and adequate medical care. You can help.

The two greatest veterans that I have ever known.

MARTIALLY INFLUENCED HOROLOGY

Originally, wristwatches were considered extremely effeminate, and no real man would have a timepiece on his body unless it was a turnip-sized pocket watch in his vest pocket. This attitude changed during World War I, where doughboys had their hands full of weapons or other equipment and were too preoccupied to be fumbling in their gear in order to see if it was time to go over the trenches. A photo of an American watch manufactured for this conflict is below.

By Museumsfoto (Deutsches Uhrenmuseum)
 [CC BY 3.0 de (http://creativecommons.org/licenses
/by/3.0/de/deed.en)], via Wikimedia Commons

As we all remember from an earlier factoid, wristwatches were firmly established as de rigueur by the time the Second World War rolled around.

THE STRAIGHT POOP

Folks from Asia, Africa, and parts of Europe and Latin America generally suffer fewer instances of colitis, constipation, or hemorrhoids than their counterparts in the USA or the United Kingdom--all due to their style of defecation.

Specifically, the puborecatlis muscle is in charge of clamping down on the rectum and keeping the feces bottled up until the user is prepared to perform No. 2.  The standard American toilet (which we Yanks stole from the Brits) puts the participant in a seated position, which leaves this clamping muscle in a partially closed configuration and requires much more straining, effort, and time on the part of the user to void bowels.  As any proctologist will tell you, the more time you spend on a standard toilet, the more likely you will develop 'rhoid rage--hence that old procto battle cry condemning reading on the porcelain throne of "the bathroom is not a library."

The people in many other nations, however, either have no toilet at all and squat on the ground or use a toilet specifically designed to place the pooper in a squatting position.  Use of a squatting toilet fully relaxes the puborecatlis muscle and allows for the easy transport of the browns to the super bowl.

The higher the seat in a standard toilet, the more likely it is to interfere with free and joyful fecal unburdening.

A video can be worth a thousand words. This one, an advertisement for the "Squatty Potty," explains it all. As I have never used the product, I cannot opine one way or the other with respect to its efficacy. I can truthfully report, however, that I found its ad to be witty, informative, and "tasteful" in every sense of the word. For a behind-the-scenes look at how they filmed this classic, click here.

View image | gettyimages.com

THE OSTENTATIOUSNESS OF BINION'S

From 1964 to 1999, Binion's Horseshoe Casino in Las Vegas had 100 $10,000 bills on display. The collection was finally broken up in anticipation of the casino's insolvency, and the bills were sold individually to collectors. Some of the bills brought as high as $160,000 apiece, i.e. 16 times their face value, which is not as impressive if you consider that a penny recently sold for over $2.5 million, i.e. 250,000,000 times its face value.

A new Binion's casino has risen from the ashes, and it again has $1,000,000 on display--but only with boring, ordinary types of bills no greater than $100.

By National Museum of American History
through Wikimedia Commons

THE FIRST PRESIDENT OF THE UNITED STATES

John Hanson was unanimously  chosen as the first President of the United States when it officially became a country in 1781. He had his plate full as soon as he took office.  Hanson had to avert a potential revolution by the soldiers in the Revolutionary War, who were displeased by the fact that they had not been paid and that the new government had no money. He got rid of all foreign troops on American soil. He declared that the fourth Thursday of each November would be Thanksgiving. He formed the Treasury Department, War Department, and State Department (called then the "Foreign Affairs Department"). He established the Great Seal of the United States. And he did all of this in one year.

That George Washington dude? He actually was the eighth President, serving after Hanson, Elias Boudinot, Thomas Mifflin, Richard Henry Lee, Nathan Gorman, Arthur St. Clair, and Cyrus Griffin. Yeah, sure, Washington may have been the first President elected under the Constitution while his seven predecessors took office while the country was operating under the Articles of Confederation, but the fact remains that he was still merely the eighth President of the United States.

THE FOLLY OF SCHLATTER

Rowan and Martin's Laugh-In was a very popular fast-paced slapsticky sightgaggy TV comedy show in the mid to late 1960s. In 1968, Presidential candidate Richard Nixon, who had previously had a reputation of having a cold robotic personality, appeared on screen on the show for less than six seconds to state, "Sock it to me?" Many pundits (whatever a pundit is) believe that this brief segment humanized Nixon in the public eye and was literally the turning point which allowed Nixon to win the election.

George Schlatter, the producer of the show, was a flaming liberal (imagine that--a liberal from Hollywood!). Schlatter states that the one thing he regrets doing more than anything else in his life was running that three-second segment.

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THE VADER IMPECUNIOUSNESS

James Earl Jones, who provided the unforgettable voice of Darth Vader in the original Star Wars movie, did not become a gazillionaire from residuals like the other cast members.  He elected instead to do the part for a single lump sum payment of $7,000--he needed the money right away, as he was broke.  Most Hollywood insiders suspect that Jones was able to negotiate substantially better terms for speaking for Vader in the sequels.

Jones, like many folks in the late 1970s and early 1980s, had a CB radio in his car.  He used "Darth Vader" as his handle until he discovered that he was really freaking out other motorists when they heard him on the air.

If you are wondering why David Prowse, the actor who wore the Darth Vader costume, did not also do the speaking parts, simply click here.

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