EINSTEIN THE ROMANTIC

We have discussed in an earlier Factoid the concept of "self-monitoring," i.e. the ability of a person to know what he appears like to others and to adapt his behavior to make a favorable impression on others. You may recall from that Factoid the assertion that a person who is a low self-monitor and lacks the ability to put on a front nonetheless generally has a stable marriage, as his or her partner knows ahead of time into what he or she is getting and is thus not disillusioned by unmet expectations.

The key word in the prior paragraph is "generally." Albert Einstein, perhaps the epitome of the ultimate low self-monitor, had such poor social skills that all of the prior knowledge in the world would not have saved his first marriage.

The marriage in question was to Mileva Maric, who was no dummy herself. She was a physicist back in the time when women simply were not physicists. After giving birth to an illegitimate daughter in 1902 sired by Einstein (the fate of the daughter is unknown--she was never seen by Einstein and was probably either adopted or died at an early age of scarlet fever), she married Einstein in 1903 and produced a son in 1904 and another in 1910.

The couple eventually separated, but Einstein agreed to take Mileva back upon certain conditions. They were:

CONDITIONS

A. You will make sure:

1. that my clothes and laundry are kept in good order:
2. that I will receive my three meals regularly in my room;
3. that my bedroom and study are kept neat, and especially that my desk is left for my use only.

B. You will renounce all personal relations with me insofar as they are not completely necessary for social reasons. Specifically, You will forego:
1. my sitting at home with you;
2. my going out or travelling with you.

C. You will obey the following points in your relations with me:
1. you will not expect any intimacy from me, nor will you reproach me in any way;
2. you will stop talking to me if I request it;
3. you will leave my bedroom or study immediately without protest if I request it.

D. You will undertake not to belittle me in front of our children, either through words or behavior.

Despite the foregoing silver-tongued efforts by Einstein to rekindle his romance, the couple ultimately divorced in 1919. Einstein happily moved on to marry Elsa Löwenthal, who was both his first cousin on his mother's side and his second cousin on his father's side as well; he had also been living with her since 1917. The marriage apparently was platonic, but Elsa kept Einstein happy by maintaining a neat home and cooking delicious meals. Elsa died in 1936, and Einstein wrote shortly thereafter "I have got used extremely well to life here," he wrote. "I live like a bear in my den . . . This bearishness has been further enhanced by the death of my woman comrade, who was better with other people than I am."

Despite being a low self-monitor, Einstein enjoyed flirting with women, much to Elsa's disgust. Being the most famous and respected scientist in the world apparently opens doors to you even if you otherwise are a socially-inept nerd.

For more info about Einstein's marital bliss, click here.