#480--THE SMALL PENIS RULE

We have previously encountered the hazards of publishing a fictitious work which is based on an actual person, as exampled by the lawsuit brought against MGM Studios when it portrayed the victim of a rape committed by Rasputin or by the threat of litigation asserted against the publishers of Ian Fleming's Goldfinger, whose main character was unflatteringly modeled after a humorless architect with the same last name. Much of the legal hassle could have been avoided had the entities accused of committing the libel had simply followed the "small penis rule."

The "small penis rule," described by libel attorney Leon Friedman and reported in a 1998 New York Times article by Denitia Smith, is based on the fact that a real person adversely portrayed as a literary character in a work of fiction cannot prevail in a libel action against the author unless the portrayal of the literary character is so accurate that a reader would have no difficulty in linking the real person to the character. If an author describes a character as having a small penis, the real person upon which the character is based will most likely be very reluctant to come forward with a lawsuit and insist, "Hey, that guy must be me--I have a small penis."

Despite its name, the rule is not limited to genital size. A crafty author could employ one of many negative traits to describe his literary character in order to avoid a real person claiming in a libel suit to be the model for that character. Intense body odor, racism, or a predilection for sex with great horned owls and lesser kudus are examples of characteristics of a person which a writer or filmmaker could use to employ the "small penis rule."

One of the most flagrant examples of the "small penis rule" can be found in Michael Crichton's novel Next. Michael Crowley, a columnist in Washington, D.C., and a Yale graduate, had written a negative review of Crichton's earlier novel State of Fear. In Next, Crichton retaliated by describing an unsavory character named "Mick Crowley," a columnist in Washington, D.C., and a Yale graduate, who not only had a small penis but also sexually assaulted an infant. Michael Crowley did not sue and instead chose to use his column to suggest that Crichton had committed a "literary hit-and-run."

For more information on the tiny-tallywacker technicality, see the  fascinating article from Today I Found Out.

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